My apologies fer not bein' active so much recently... m'still recoverin' from the latest 'triple whammy' that hit me... that started with m'latest bout'a depression after findin' out about Robin an Lauren's deaths. An while these events were enough on their own ta spark m'own depression even that by itself wouldn't have been quite so bad but it jus' seems that whatever higher powers there are pullin' the strings must'a felt that they were gonna push me ta the limits of my endurance.

Now durin' my bouts of depression one'a the things I automatically do is try ta isolate myself as much as possible normally... why ya may ask... well I'll tell ya... part of what I go through durin' my depression are what I call my 'short fuse' phases an while I may be in my depressed stage it's also the time when the least little things also tends ta set me off an it tends ta may me snap harshly especially at anyone fer the least little thing.... an usually with over exxageration... like fer instance I may not feel like talkin' about somethin' so m'voice tends ta drop an if I already don't feel like talkin' the thing that makes me even more irrate is havin' ta repeat myself even louder when someone didn't hear me tell'em that I don't wanna talk an ta jus' leave me alone... an then it winds up makin' me sink even further inta depression cause then I feel bad/guilty fer snappin' at'em when I know they're only tryin' ta help me so I learned long ago that it's really best fer me ta jus' weather these bouts mostly jus' by myself... trust me, if an when m'ready ta be more social then I will come out with a more level head an rational mind once I've gotten past the overly emotional part rather than wind up feelin' even worse fer even longer periods cause now I got the added guilt of hurtin' the people I love weighin' me down even more.

...Also, durin' these bouts of sickness/depression my appetite tends ta wane ta it's lowest... I scarcely eat anything at all an usually even what little I do eat seems ta either make me nausious or jus' pass right through makin' me have ta take several trips ta the bathroom so that in itself is part'a what adds ta puttin' me in an agitated state cause friends are also seemingly even more insistant durin' that time in tellin' me that "You should probably eat something" advice an then I have ta explain (usually once again) that no thanks I don't feel like eattin' an that sometimes even the mere sight or smell of food is even enough ta make me wanna dry heave!

...but as if all of this wasn't enough ta have ta cope with now I got the added strain of dealin' with painful arthritic joint pains creepin' in on me! Yesterday I was PAINFULLY awakened by pain in my left ankle, knee an even all the way up ta my hip firin' through my leg! Seriously I was growlin' through teeth grindin' down so hard I felt like I could'a bit through a steel girder!

When the pain was jus' in m'hands it was tolerable an even after it'd progressed ta m'feet I thought it was still managable... I mean it wasn't a constant, daily kinda pain so I'd take a few ibuprofen and/or rub on some arthritic cream ta get me by an I'd go on... but yesterday was the first time I'd ever felt it lance through my entire leg like that an it left me hobblin' around the house an wincin' ta even put the slightest pressure on m'leg ta walk so much as I loathe goin' ta the doctors fer anythin' if I can help it I know I gotta go an at least get a check-up an find out what I need ta do ta get this taken care of b'fore it gets any worse...

An thing is is that t'day I feel perfectly fine! I actually had one of the best nights of sleep I've had in days an there's not even a whisper of discomfort in my left leg! But if I blow it off then wind up goin' through this again at some worse situation then I could wind up gettin' hurt or worse! I mean this hit me while I was in bed an had me in such pain that if I HAD been standin' at the time I know my legs would've buckled at the very least! I don't even wanna imagine what it would have been like while on the stairs or some such or in the shower... an I know how absolutely ancient I feel most'a the time anyways but I thought I had at least a few years left b'fore this kinda thing was s'posed ta happen... hell m'only gonna be turnin' 480 next month! LOL Thought I wouldn't be goin' through any'a this till after I'd hit m'500th year!

Oh well... anyways so now ya know what this ol' werewolf's goin' through... an though even with all this shit happenin' I STILL ain't gonna jus' curl up inta some tiny ball'a fluff an wait ta die! Even as 'easy' as that choice may seem... an b'sides... I'm too poor ta afford ta get sick an die so guess all'a y'all're gonna be stuck with me fer at least a lil' while longer {:P