I know a lot of people are going to tell me that I shouldn't apologize for this, so on and so forth but...whatever.
Long story short, I'm going to be fairly lackluster for a while. I may have small upswings or downswings,
but for the most part I've just been hollow and I've discovered I can't hide it as well as I use to.
There use to be a time I could just sit back, smile and folks would just go about their day regardless of what
was really going on in this mind of mine. I apparently can't do that anymore. So, rather than let myself get
upset repeatedly with people asking me what's wrong or coming across an ass hole by accident I'm going to
cut to the chase here.

Things were going to be pretty awesome coming in september, with a very dear one of mine--a tiger wah by the
name Colvera was going to be here in texas. We were going to be able to hang out, talk and do all sorts of
things like we use to. Someone I've known for a few years was going to be close again, able to snug up and
game with, all that good stuff. He was an amazingly sweet man, on the antisocial side but that always just let
me tease more of him for me.

Between late sunday, the 17th and early monday the 18th while I was at work that very same very dear one of
mine committed suicide. During that time he'd sent me a text at work, to a broken phone where I only barely
managed to get the message to open. He told me goodbye, that he cared for me and hoped his skype
message went through. That it was the end of him, and he couldn't take it anymore. If that were all, I'd have
be able to cope with this a lot better.

Come time I came home, having bottled everything I could and praying to the stars it was just a terrible joke
I turned on my laptop and signed into skype. There was just one message from him, an apology that we'd
never see each other again. He confessed he wholly loves(d) me, and that it was good bye. Hoping that I
wouldn't be mad at him for it all, and that I'd take care of his soul because I'd promised. (We had done a
bit of permanent vore play, that finished but a week prior. Go ask about it, I'm not explaining here.)

I wound up checking the obituaries shortly after, because...I'm an idiot, I guess. I wanted to believe even
then it was a joke, or a sick way of telling me go away. He's listed, but to protect the identity of the deceased
I'm not saying his real name. I apologize everyone, that it's going to take me a bit more time before I get
myself straightened out. If I seem venomous, or it's something important and I don't seem to care just
realize it's not on purpose. I won't be outright callous, I'm just having a hell of a time and I can't always
catch my word choice in time.