FA+
Shop
Ups and downs and up again. (life stuff)
11 years ago
So the last month or so has been a rollercoaster ride of good and bad, and I'm starting to recover from the bad now. Destiny's about to come up, and I have a fully functional upgraded, epic PC Skyrim, with a side of furry pervertery. I feel like drawing again, and....
I'm finally learning Blender in earnest so I can get back to modeling and animating.
But, I made this journal to get the last of some stuff off my chest, so here goes:
There are times, in days or weeks, that I'm just not happy. At all. I think about where I am right now and what I'm doing with my life and it all crushes over me like a wave in a storm. I'm 24 years old, I spent 17 of those years busting my ass to do well in school, and I did well. So it leaves me wondering why I'm in Alabama, a place I told myself I'd never be just a few years ago, working in a warehouse, a job I told myself I'd never do.
It's nothing against the people I'm acquainted with, it's just the work and the place.
maceblack and 
stryfekhaos have been nothing but good to me. This has been a better place for me than the last few I lived in, and it's not that I feel I'm better than anyone else; it's good pay and a fair job, but I should be doing better than this. I can't move out of this place I have to pretend I don't live in a few times a year, I don't make enough money and due to some issues earlier in the year, my mate keeps getting his applications refused. I've been having trouble getting motivated to do anything but try to just relax and enjoy the brief days I get off of work. I'm only supposed to work 3 days a week. I took that shift so I could make extra money drawing and get my 3D modeling up to snuff, but since coming onto that shift in february, I've been working 4 to 6 days a week and it runs me ragged and leaves me scrambling to find a little happiness.
... but you know what? My misery is my own fault. I can do something, do better.
My dad will be visiting in a couple weeks, and my goal is to have something modeled in 3D to show him I'm not a disappointment anymore. I've waited long enough, and it's not been too long yet. I can do this, I just need to keep going.
Thanks to everyone that's kept me going. I can't lie.. I may need more of that support. There are going to be more lows, more breakdowns, more self-hating fits, but I want to try to move forward, even if it's while staying put. It's just time.
I'm finally learning Blender in earnest so I can get back to modeling and animating.
But, I made this journal to get the last of some stuff off my chest, so here goes:
There are times, in days or weeks, that I'm just not happy. At all. I think about where I am right now and what I'm doing with my life and it all crushes over me like a wave in a storm. I'm 24 years old, I spent 17 of those years busting my ass to do well in school, and I did well. So it leaves me wondering why I'm in Alabama, a place I told myself I'd never be just a few years ago, working in a warehouse, a job I told myself I'd never do.
It's nothing against the people I'm acquainted with, it's just the work and the place.
maceblack and 
stryfekhaos have been nothing but good to me. This has been a better place for me than the last few I lived in, and it's not that I feel I'm better than anyone else; it's good pay and a fair job, but I should be doing better than this. I can't move out of this place I have to pretend I don't live in a few times a year, I don't make enough money and due to some issues earlier in the year, my mate keeps getting his applications refused. I've been having trouble getting motivated to do anything but try to just relax and enjoy the brief days I get off of work. I'm only supposed to work 3 days a week. I took that shift so I could make extra money drawing and get my 3D modeling up to snuff, but since coming onto that shift in february, I've been working 4 to 6 days a week and it runs me ragged and leaves me scrambling to find a little happiness. ... but you know what? My misery is my own fault. I can do something, do better.
My dad will be visiting in a couple weeks, and my goal is to have something modeled in 3D to show him I'm not a disappointment anymore. I've waited long enough, and it's not been too long yet. I can do this, I just need to keep going.
Thanks to everyone that's kept me going. I can't lie.. I may need more of that support. There are going to be more lows, more breakdowns, more self-hating fits, but I want to try to move forward, even if it's while staying put. It's just time.
