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Downhill
11 years ago
I hate to be a downer, but sometimes I just need to vent...
A few months ago, my mom gave me an ultimatum to move out. I found a place, the cheapest place I could get. No one wanted to move in with me, share a room, no one wanted to take me in. I had a fair amount in my savings, then. But my mom knew that I had severe depression and anxiety issues that can impair my ability to work, and that I'd been trying to find a job but had been unsuccessful. Either way, she wanted my space for her boyfriend, so that he could have a third area to watch his TV.
She forced me out, and now I've been living on my own for the past four months or so.
It's been really hard on my anxiety and depression. Living alone doesn't agree with me. I've already tried to kill myself once and have idealized about it more times than I can count, just in the past few months.
My savings has dwindled and I now only have a few hundred dollars to my name. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm extremely careful with how I spend my money; I don't squander it. My possible new roommate may not work out, and I don't have any other plans for decreasing my monthly rent. I've been trying so hard to get a job but the best I ever get is an interview but never a call back.
It's at times like these when I can't see a future for myself and just want it to end. My mom won't take me back, and even if she did I would either have to keep paying rent until my lease is up or pay the $6000 it would take to release me from it. Neither of those seems to be an option for me...No one wants an inexperienced employee, they won't take on someone who doesn't know all the ropes, so how am I supposed to get a job?
People tell me that it's going to get better, but when? After I've lost my apartment? After I have to freeload at a friend's house because I can't afford to house myself? After I no longer have the money to pay for my medication? Because at that point I might as well be dead.
I know that no one here can solve my problems. I'm not asking you to...I just needed to get this off my back. I feel betrayed by my mother and I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to afford to keep my apartment, and I'm so lost...I'm just so lost...
A few months ago, my mom gave me an ultimatum to move out. I found a place, the cheapest place I could get. No one wanted to move in with me, share a room, no one wanted to take me in. I had a fair amount in my savings, then. But my mom knew that I had severe depression and anxiety issues that can impair my ability to work, and that I'd been trying to find a job but had been unsuccessful. Either way, she wanted my space for her boyfriend, so that he could have a third area to watch his TV.
She forced me out, and now I've been living on my own for the past four months or so.
It's been really hard on my anxiety and depression. Living alone doesn't agree with me. I've already tried to kill myself once and have idealized about it more times than I can count, just in the past few months.
My savings has dwindled and I now only have a few hundred dollars to my name. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm extremely careful with how I spend my money; I don't squander it. My possible new roommate may not work out, and I don't have any other plans for decreasing my monthly rent. I've been trying so hard to get a job but the best I ever get is an interview but never a call back.
It's at times like these when I can't see a future for myself and just want it to end. My mom won't take me back, and even if she did I would either have to keep paying rent until my lease is up or pay the $6000 it would take to release me from it. Neither of those seems to be an option for me...No one wants an inexperienced employee, they won't take on someone who doesn't know all the ropes, so how am I supposed to get a job?
People tell me that it's going to get better, but when? After I've lost my apartment? After I have to freeload at a friend's house because I can't afford to house myself? After I no longer have the money to pay for my medication? Because at that point I might as well be dead.
I know that no one here can solve my problems. I'm not asking you to...I just needed to get this off my back. I feel betrayed by my mother and I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to afford to keep my apartment, and I'm so lost...I'm just so lost...
Hang in there! <3333
I remember looking for jobs last year and searched craigslist for animal based jobs. Had TONS of luck and interviewed at 3 different dog boarding places (though I turned them all down for my current job at a animal hospital) So you should check that out! If you have experience with dog behaviour and are comfortable with them!!! :3
<33333
as for job suggestions I'm not even finding a "real" job for myself yet. so good luck on that.
I keep wanting to help more, but things keep getting unexpectedly tough around here too. :c The only sort of advice I can think of is, if you have a car, maybe look in the towns around where you live. (Not really an option if you don't have a car though.)
Jobs are just... Weird. Like I couldn't get hired (first job) even though I applied to places for months (made more complicated by the fact I don't drive) then all the sudden I got two jobs within 24 hours. *shrug*
Depending on where you are I might be able to ask my mom if she knows anywhere hiring (she tends to know just about everything going on around here).
(god I hope I don't sound weird and creepy OTL ;.;)
But yeah...jobs are really weird. I got three interviews within a couple days recently, but none of them ever called me back ;u; I just applied to like ten more jobs this morning, too.
I hope you get some call backs soon then!
But thanks!