I really really really do NOT want to do anything for my birthday and I'm stressing out just thinking about how I'm going to have to be the center of attention at the barbeque. My mom's best friend's brother wants to come with his whole family. I don't even KNOW him. My dad wants his best friend to come with his whole family. If you are gonna make it a celebration of my birthday at least only invite a couple people who I actually know and am comfortable around. Or you know, make it a barbeque that ISN'T for my birthday so I can hide away and not have to deal with any of this.
I don't like talking to people, I don't like being around people. What is so hard to get about that?

And Toast isn't doing well. She has declined in health and it's all my fault. I tried to put her back in with the other girls and it stressed her out and it made her worse. I'm so scared she isn't going to make it. I should have went with my gut feeling and left her in the hospital cage.

My life is such a fucking mess. I can't do anything right. I'm just going to hide away in my room today and snuggle ratties all day. Probably won't be online much if at all. I have a bad habit of checking FA on my phone so I'll probably be kinda on...I don't know....
I just want to fade away into nothing right now