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Stuff (and some Writing)
11 years ago
Hey. It's been a while since the few of you who read my journals have received a journal, but this is pretty much why I haven't posted anything recently or really written anything at all in the past month.
On August 3, after much discourse with a good friend of mine, I finally decided to confess my love to my crush and see where things would go from there. Going into it I honestly expected him to be a little weirded out and reject my advances, but I just wanted him to know how much I care about him and would be content after that.
On August 4 this was not the case. I went out with him to try to get a magic card - Shield of the Oversoul - as a cheap replacement for another card in a GW Hexproof I'm running. We had been to one place and were trying to find another, but altogether failed to get it. Originally we had planned to also go out for coffee, but went out to lunch instead. I saw this as the perfect opportunity to invite him over to my place with the reason of wanting to do a puzzle with him and discuss something.
It was a total flop. Not only did I fail to convey how much his friendship meant to me, but I said some other things about roleplaying that I really shouldn't have.
This is the part I didn't anticipate, yet I did. I went into the situation expecting worst case he hates me and never wants to talk to me and best case being he was secretly into me and fairy tale things happen, but really I expected him to have some questions and concerns and we could work through this a little.
What happened was almost a non-reaction, and then absolute silence. No anger, no questions; just pretending I don't exist. That really got to me. I was prepared for an expression of anger or love, but not nothing. For the past month I have been hopeful and pretty depressed, waiting for my friend to talk to me again even just to say, "I never want to see you again."
Over the month I've been talking to my other friend, who is my crush's oldest brother. He was in town for a bit and I got to hang out with him, but he also was able to get my crush to say why he was avoiding me. These reasons can be boiled down to two main things:
1. I had the audacity to think he might be into me considering what I know about him and his faith.
2. I write and browse smut.
I've decided that, as much as I love this guy, if anyone is going to be so much of an asshole that they don't even tell you they don't want to see you anymore then they aren't worth pining over. It's going to take me quite a bit of time to get over him completely and I still want to settle things once and for all - get all the unsaid things said - so I can move on.
That takes me to now. I randomly got the idea for a story I'd never heard of before that actually requires human characters and I've started writing it to see if I like the premise. Just the opening bit to see if I like it and want to continue it, but I love the idea behind it. It is a very angry, aggressive, gory story and sort of suits my mood right now. It also has the potential to be quite long, though I haven't planned out any arcs.
The reason for the human characters is I can't bear to inflict divine retribution upon furs q.q
That's about it.
On August 3, after much discourse with a good friend of mine, I finally decided to confess my love to my crush and see where things would go from there. Going into it I honestly expected him to be a little weirded out and reject my advances, but I just wanted him to know how much I care about him and would be content after that.
On August 4 this was not the case. I went out with him to try to get a magic card - Shield of the Oversoul - as a cheap replacement for another card in a GW Hexproof I'm running. We had been to one place and were trying to find another, but altogether failed to get it. Originally we had planned to also go out for coffee, but went out to lunch instead. I saw this as the perfect opportunity to invite him over to my place with the reason of wanting to do a puzzle with him and discuss something.
It was a total flop. Not only did I fail to convey how much his friendship meant to me, but I said some other things about roleplaying that I really shouldn't have.
This is the part I didn't anticipate, yet I did. I went into the situation expecting worst case he hates me and never wants to talk to me and best case being he was secretly into me and fairy tale things happen, but really I expected him to have some questions and concerns and we could work through this a little.
What happened was almost a non-reaction, and then absolute silence. No anger, no questions; just pretending I don't exist. That really got to me. I was prepared for an expression of anger or love, but not nothing. For the past month I have been hopeful and pretty depressed, waiting for my friend to talk to me again even just to say, "I never want to see you again."
Over the month I've been talking to my other friend, who is my crush's oldest brother. He was in town for a bit and I got to hang out with him, but he also was able to get my crush to say why he was avoiding me. These reasons can be boiled down to two main things:
1. I had the audacity to think he might be into me considering what I know about him and his faith.
2. I write and browse smut.
I've decided that, as much as I love this guy, if anyone is going to be so much of an asshole that they don't even tell you they don't want to see you anymore then they aren't worth pining over. It's going to take me quite a bit of time to get over him completely and I still want to settle things once and for all - get all the unsaid things said - so I can move on.
That takes me to now. I randomly got the idea for a story I'd never heard of before that actually requires human characters and I've started writing it to see if I like the premise. Just the opening bit to see if I like it and want to continue it, but I love the idea behind it. It is a very angry, aggressive, gory story and sort of suits my mood right now. It also has the potential to be quite long, though I haven't planned out any arcs.
The reason for the human characters is I can't bear to inflict divine retribution upon furs q.q
That's about it.
I need to build a friend-base. The current number located in convenient physical space is 0.
I moved from depressed more to pissed in the last week: I had the audacity to love him a bit too much so he cut all ties .-.
though I understand he needs to be around people who share his beliefs and values more than anything.
Also smut.
I guess it could be pretty unexpected from his point of view, but still it seems like the sort of thing that could be worked out between reasonable people. Hope you get some resolution, one way or another.