So I thought that because of the title and anthros in the movie that I should see it. I do regret seeing it because now I believe I'm either extremely depressed or having a giant epiphany or both. After watching the movie I was looking at everything differently. I could not seem to process why, what in the film made me so upset and I can keep thinking of reasons why, and I believe it has to do with the male characters. It is either 1: I'm jealous of their abilities to change into wolves, however sad that (I guess) they age and die faster than normal humans since they are also part wolves 2: I am mad at the son for the way he treated his mother in the end 3: I'm trying too hard to understand how the mother can accept being alone without her son and daughter and deceased boyfriend/husband/mate/bae 4: realizing the real pain and agony of losing someone who is vital to me 5: (similar to 4) watching someone you love progressively loose their personality(what makes them who they are to me) and turn into something else and virtually ceasing to exist as if they never existed, leaving memories to haunt me forever. I'm not sure if this feeling is normal, I'm not sure if I'm okay, but literally everything I look at seems different. The sky, my dog, my parents, my life, me, and my interests and goals. I'm not sure if I want to be single or to have a relationship in fear of losing someone I'll fall in love with or if I just want to find a mate and start having that person to protect. I'm always worried about who I get with and I have my reasons, but I think I need to just let things happen while I try to reach for the stars. I want to be happy, but this movie, I believe, has made me aware that time progresses; it doesn't freeze so I can enjoy life and it doesn't playback, so enjoying life has to be done on the go, whether or not I'm working, driving, spending time with friends or not, and all kinds of situations. I feel like I've definitely strangled my own life by being to controlling of it, and I think this movie has made me more laid back and letting things happen, but I don't like where I am, despite the fact that I want to be here for my parents now, even more just from watching the movie. It makes me prey that when I have children(which I fear I may be a spoiling father and overprotective and clingy) that they will always be there for me, but I know that they are lives that I helped create and I need to let those "lives live." It is so bittersweet that I am afraid to have children, afraid to have a relationship. That movie seriously has done a number on me and I feel like I've had a knife stuck in my chest repetitively and all I want is to chase after what I think makes me happy, but I don't feel like I'm ready and i feel like I need help. I want to do some things over again, like I want to try doing factory work again so I can get paid more and buy my own place in the world and be able to afford seeing all of my friends who literally feel like my pack, my family, who I belong with. I hope I do find someone and that I can keep them forever. It is what I look for in a relationship is someone who gives a hoot about a loving relationship and being dedicated and also likes the sensual flame to burn bright at all times. I love/sex relationship. It is honestly how I believe a normal relationship to be, but I'm seeing so much of this sex/ love choices that I choke on it. I don't understand how a relationship can have no love.

Anyway, if you have stuck around this far, you are probably interested in that I may have come to a change of thinking. Everything to me has shifted, it isn't the same, which can only mean that I have changed. I'm guessing that reality has FINALLY set in and I know who I am, and I say that to myself a lot, but it isn't true, but I'm having a fear and that fear tells me that I know I'm afraid of myself for not doing the things that need to be done. The conventions have suddenly become less important to me now, but my friends haven't. Any milli-second I have with my friends is fortune in my heart and I know that will never change, but I need to make my time to success. I need to be able to support myself at all ends, because my parents won't be around forever and I'm not counting down days or anything like that, I just know I have to be prepared for that age. I'm not ready now and that does intimidate me. When that happens I will need my friends more than ever, not for finance, but I will be at my wits end. I love my parents, they haven't done me wrong, it was only a matter of time for me to understand life. I want everyone to know that I am ready to make a change, I just need assistance. Life isn't a trail to be traveled alone and I want to make it. I'm hoping someday I can be happy like those out there who attend all these conventions and have a mate, like Skroy and Frisbee, Duke and Mozee, etc. I envy them, but not in a bad way. They give me hope that it exists. Undying love. It is what I look forward to someday.

So finally the end of this journal. I hope you guys actually read to this part, if you did, please leave a comment, because I'm still pretty down from that movie. lol it has been five hours from now i watched it so hearing from you guys will surely pick me back up. I love all of you, you are all awesome and stay safe for me please! <3 Have a good Labor Day(a day, at walmart, which we celebrate the day of working by working) and everyone of you have special places in my heart. Peace be my friends. ^^