My little brother is five and for those of you who have missed the recent journal, my dad committed suicide after a long line of family scandal and CPS cases. To go into a bit of detail, my older sister, whom is 20, went to see a therapist because my father had apparently sexually abused her. To clearify, he never physically hurt her, but she was mentally scarred. The therapist she went to was legally obligated to call CPS (Child Protective Services) on our family. At first, no one in my family knew anything or even suspected it because my she and my dad's (her step-dad) relationship seemed completely normal. Well, in short, nope.

After a short time, my family found out and fired him from the family business that he had built up himself. He did what they asked and left the state. He went to Alaska and acquired two full time jobs so that he could try and eventually support us, even if he wasn't here. At this time, my little sister (she's 14) and I where not supposed to have any contact with him, but my dad couldn't bear not hearing from us, and we couldn't bear not hearing from him because no matter what he'd done in the past, he's still our dad and we had shared so many wonderful memories together. He had never once treated us badly or inappropriately. Anyways, we built an email account that we three shared, and communicated through saved drafts so the authorities couldn't trace us. We just talked about daily life, and he would tell us about his new jobs. He went from company owner, to a Chili's waitor in less than a month. He bought a run down truck, and he would tell us how proud he was of it. We would snapchat too, and use the snapchat video call when we could. He cried nearly every time we talked to him. I had only once or twice seen him cry before all of this had started.

Time went on and back at home the family was blowing up with these crazy accusations against him. I don't know how much of it was true, but by the end of it he had been accused of three or four other instances where he sexually abused people before he met my mother. Once all of this came up, my sister declared she was going to call a detective to locate my dad and throw him in prison. The charges faced against him would have landed him there for life without parole, or may have even warranted the death penalty.
The day they told me that, I waited until everyone left the house for their various reasons and I called my dad. He was in the middle of his first training day at his second job, but he told them he needed to leave for a family emergency earlier in the day due to an email draft from my sister and me. We video chatted on snapchat and I told him everything that happened.

He told me that there was nothing left to do but to kill himself. He said that he wanted to spare us the publicity of a trial because my little sister was just going to a new school, and also said that it would spare us financially. I didn't want him to. He was my dad no matter what. He was right though, a life behind bars was not really a life. I couldn't argue with it.

When he got off the phone with me and before everyone got home, I started calling people in my contacts whom I had considered my friends. I just wanted to hear someone say that it would be alright. I wanted anyone to tell me that. No one bothered picking up. Of all the people I called, only one person texted me back, telling me that he was busy right then, but he ended up calling me the next day. I just never felt so alone in that moment. I waited until my mom, sister, and grandmother came home to pull my sister aside. We video called him alone, while the adults were downstairs, then we came down and told them what his decision was. My grandmother had been strong through all of this, but when she heard the news, she just broke down. A mother's grief is the saddest thing to behold. My mom cried horribly too. Though she didn't love him anymore, my dad and she had been best freinds for 17 years, and one cannot just wave all of that off. We all called him one last time before he ended his life on August 20th. He left videos for my little brother, who had no idea anything was wrong and thought that daddy was gone purely for work purposes. Dad died in one of the most beautiful places on earth, Alaska.

Well, we went to the seeing on Sunday (open casket thing) so I was able to say what I wanted to say to his face for the last time, even though I knew he wasn't really there. Monday was the actual funeral, and everyone in the family was letting us know that they were there for us. I didn't cry at the funeral until everyone was gone and it was only my sister and me. It was then when they lowered the casket. My little brother wasn't at the funeral, but he's known since Saturday that dad died. Though he is only 5 years old, he has been acting so mature for his age. Before he realized that my grandparents knew, he discretely pulled them aside to tell them, "I have to tell you something sad. My dad died from a brain sickness. I know that this is sad for you because he was your son." He hasn't cried in front of me, but apparently he did when he told them. When my mom and he were cuddling, he told her that he was sad dad was gone because he had a lot of things he still wanted to show him, and he knew that dad had a lot of things to show him as well. He also told my mom that since he was the man of the house now, he wanted to take karate. There have been a few other little things he has said/done that are just so mature and heartwarming.

I know that my dad loved and will always love us, and while this is heartbreaking, I know that my family will rise from it and become stronger.

I want to thank you all for being so supportive. You guys mean so much to me

Special shout out to: and You two are the two most supportive people I know. Thank you for everything.