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11 years ago
Hiya; the lucky lil folf has something to say... :3
Nothing really important here, so please don't feel obligated to read O:
I'm really sorry for being so distant lately; I've been feeling kinda out of place everywhere I go, which I know is completely insane on here at least, cus you all are always so welcoming. I've come to the realization recently that I really just don't understand people in general. It's so hard to tell when anyone is being honest or lying to me most of the time. IRL I dropped my normal how may I assist you attitude and tried to talk to my mom about how I was feeling about some random topic for a moment and she was angry acting like I was just an awful hateful person for the rest of the day and playing the victim. She is always saying how I can talk to her about anything if I felt I needed to, which was apparently meant to be just a false comfort. It just makes me wonder how you all put up with me and aren't trying to silence me before I even start sharing anything with ya since it's apparently a fairly horrible thing for me to be open.
Anyway, I keep trying to come back and chat with some of ya, but it keeps feeling harder and harder to. I can never tell if the kind greetings are from everyone I talk to being so nice or it's them just fulfilling social protocol. Over the past few years, just having someone to chat with has made me so happy though I'm not the most chatty folf. I just wanted to say that if any of you listen to me cus you're being nice, you don't have to and can tell me to go away; I really don't mind it. I'm sort of used to it by this point.
Also, I'm really not looking for attention and don't need a pep talk, just haven't been feeling great for a while now and sometimes everyone needs to let some of what their feeling out no matter what, cus keeping everything inside is unhealthy. I could just yell it into a pillow like I used to, but this way I at least feel like I'm talking to someone else and not going completely coo coo.
Thank you all for being so great to me over the time I've been here; it's impossible for me to express how much you've helped me since I joined just by being yourselves and letting me tag along.
I'm really sorry for being so distant lately; I've been feeling kinda out of place everywhere I go, which I know is completely insane on here at least, cus you all are always so welcoming. I've come to the realization recently that I really just don't understand people in general. It's so hard to tell when anyone is being honest or lying to me most of the time. IRL I dropped my normal how may I assist you attitude and tried to talk to my mom about how I was feeling about some random topic for a moment and she was angry acting like I was just an awful hateful person for the rest of the day and playing the victim. She is always saying how I can talk to her about anything if I felt I needed to, which was apparently meant to be just a false comfort. It just makes me wonder how you all put up with me and aren't trying to silence me before I even start sharing anything with ya since it's apparently a fairly horrible thing for me to be open.
Anyway, I keep trying to come back and chat with some of ya, but it keeps feeling harder and harder to. I can never tell if the kind greetings are from everyone I talk to being so nice or it's them just fulfilling social protocol. Over the past few years, just having someone to chat with has made me so happy though I'm not the most chatty folf. I just wanted to say that if any of you listen to me cus you're being nice, you don't have to and can tell me to go away; I really don't mind it. I'm sort of used to it by this point.
Also, I'm really not looking for attention and don't need a pep talk, just haven't been feeling great for a while now and sometimes everyone needs to let some of what their feeling out no matter what, cus keeping everything inside is unhealthy. I could just yell it into a pillow like I used to, but this way I at least feel like I'm talking to someone else and not going completely coo coo.
Thank you all for being so great to me over the time I've been here; it's impossible for me to express how much you've helped me since I joined just by being yourselves and letting me tag along.
I wish I could say "I'm sorry I don't come across as caring" or something similar but I know better.
I know that your presence makes me smile, that even though you're less talkative than you used to be I'm glad to have you around, and that I wish there were some magic words to make you feel like you matter.
But there aren't. I cannot prove to you that you are worth something, if not to everyone then at least to some people. YOU have to allow yourself to feel that way. People can tell you over and over again "Of course I care about you!" but it's up to you to decide whether that is true. I've seen your mental well-being slowly decline over the span I've known you and I'm always happy to remind you that you matter to me.
I don't know what caused you to feel like you're unworthy of peoples' time, but as long as you allow me I will continue to remind you that you're great in hopes that maybe sometime it'll get through and make you feel like I'm telling the truth.
If you ever feel you want to talk, you know I'm there for you. Trust me that these are not empty words.
It can be very hard to know how someone is sometimes.
I am not a major talker either, and often never know what to say.
Tho I am always glad to lend a friendly ear. ^_^