I made a new friend over the past weekend, a girl who has shown interest (And has become) in becoming my "little girl" (More on this later, possibly). That's just so you know who she is, and how much she is going to get to know me.

Already she knows about my life story as far as my gender identity issues go. She knows that I have trouble with my dad, and my relationship with him.

Right now I sit here, makeup on my face, all dressed up, and yet I still feel very...uncomfortable. At the root of it all is the impossible-to-happen fear that my dad is going to burst through the door. I don't think I could even talk to him right now on the phone.

When I was at IFC, I realized something, thanks to Steel the Warrior. I'm that kid that everyone passes in the hallway, silently screaming out to be recognized and accepted, but too shut off from the world to verbally reach out and ask for the help they need.

I've been to see counselors. I've even been to see one really, really good counselor for my gender identity issues. I left with even more questions then I went in with. I came to him dressed up, I came to him like a normal male. I even went in once and changed in the office area, just to see how I would feel, what felt more natural.

The thing is, I don't really know what feels natural. I have my style I like, I have clothes I like to wear. But living where I do? I can't really even step outside my door and feel accepted because everyone in this city knows who I am. I've been all over, everyone knows me as "that straight kid" to use a term.

Just...I don't know...