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Coming to Terms With my Childhood Being Over.
11 years ago
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I've been sitting around and thinking a thought. That thought is, I'm 21.
I am freaking 21 years old!
It's a fact that hasn't really set in to me until now.
My childhood is over. I can't even say I'm a young adult now. All I can still say is that I'm young. Which I guess I'll still have until my late 30s to early 40s.
I've been getting hit with major nostalgia trips lately. I've been watching reruns of some of my favorite shows from the late 1990s and early 2000s. Anyone remember Time Squad? Samurai Jack? Johnny Bravo? I. Am. Weasel? Cow and Chicken? TOONAMI!!!!!!!!!
I even remember this one pilot called "Kitty BoBo" that I really liked. It was about a teenage anthropomorphic cat who struggles to impress his friends with how "cool" he is. I loved it a lot and have always been saddened that it was never picked up for a series.
Anyway, Back on track.
I've also been having a bit of early internet nostalgia. I've been revisiting profiles on sites that I haven't visited in up to 9 years! Reading some of my old posts. Wow, I was a completely different person back then. Pretty amusing reading my old thoughts and opinions on certain things, almost all have which have changed. Oh how I thought I knew everything back then! Living life a little bit, I'm not nearly as confident that I am right on everything anymore. My politics have changed. My faith has evolved. Relationships have come and gone. My old self seems like someone from an alternate reality who's using my name! lol
I recently received a letter in the mail. It kinda set off this whole assault of nostalgia, self-reflection, mourning and acceptance. The letter was addressed to me......from myself. Crazy right? Well I opened it and read it. I remembered what it was. It was a letter I had written to myself my freshmen year of high school! Wow, the memories flooded back so fast! I asked myself in the letter how I was. Where I was. Whether I was at OU, my dream college or not. Whether I had a hot girlfriend to call my own (hey, I was a hormone driven brat back then! lol). And most interestingly, I asked whether or not I was involved with the furry fandom. The questions brought smiles and tears of happy memories to my eyes.
Hello Old Me!,
To answer your questions, old me:
-I'm doing good!
-I'm in Norman, Oklahoma.
-Yes. I made it to OU. It may have taken me a bit longer than I had hoped, but you made it buddy! :')
-Sadly, I have not had a woman to call my own. Things won't work out with Shaina. I'm sorry. But you'll look
back on her with more humor than sadness, you'll see.
-Involved in the fandom? Hah! You should see me now! Been to several cons. Even Anthrocon! You should've jumped in sooner! lol
Oh how I wish I could write back to you! The things I would say. The advice I would give. I know you'll never read this, but just in case you come forward in time and find this account:
-Love your sister more.
She's an amazing person, but three brothers can put a strain on any girl!
-Don't run away from meeting new people.
I know talking was scary to you back then, but you'll get over it.
-Work harder!
I know video games are fun, but homework should be your priority.
-Get better grades.
I know I'm at OU now. But I could've gotten here two years earlier with just a little more effort on your part.
-Talk to girls.
I know. You're young. Women are terrifying. They walk like you, talk like you, but they sure as heck don't look or think like you do. In fact, they tend to look a lot better than you! Oh, and when Brittney Woods gives you her number, call her back! Don't be shy. She really likes you!
-Be more accepting of people's differences.
I know back then you tended to be pretty homophobic. Those two gay kids in the marching band with you? They really could use your friendship. They got it rough a lot more than you do!
-Go to band camp!
I always regretted never going to band camp with my friends. Lot of awesome memories that I missed out on.
-Talk more.
I know. Being introverted, small talk doesn't make sense to you. You despise talking to people you've never met. You hate crowds. You would prefer to just sit in your room and read a good book. Look, I understand. I still have those attitudes more or less. But you must learn to tolerate them. Society is built around extroversion, so you must at least learn how to operate within it, even if it feels like entering a different planet. And believe me, that book isn't going anywhere, but life will past whether you act or not!
-Don't listen to those jerks who were so full of themselves.
They were hurting just as much as you were. One had an abusive mother. One had no father at all. It's not your fault they're mean to you. I know their words hurt. But you'll survive.
-Invest in gold!
The market is about to crash! Gold is going to skyrocket! Go go go go go!
-Be willing to take risks.
I know you'd rather stay in your bubble, where it's safe. I know the world terrifies you. You're terrified to grow up. You're terrified to grow older. You want to stay young. But don't you see? If you stay in that bubble, you'll grow old without ever knowing what it was like to be young! Get out there! As Ms. Frizzle from "The Magic School Bus" said, "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!". You'll come out the other side a bigger, better, and more knowledgeable person that way!
-Be willing to start anew.
Nearly all of your friends moved away after elementary school. And sadly, most will move away after high school. It's okay to miss them, but you will make more friends. Don't forget them though! Thank them for the good times, but remember that they have their own lives to lead.
-Lastly, have fun!
You're only going to be a kid once. Enjoy yourself! You have no responsibilities, no commitments, no bills to pay, and your whole life ahead of you! Adulthood can wait, stop taking everything so seriously! And you'll be so much better for it!
It was so much fun to hear from you again! Thank you for the letter. It came at the perfect time. I needed to see it. To give me perspective. Show me where I've come from. Where I am. And possibly, where I'm going. Goodbye to you, younger me. Thanks for the good times! For the cherished memories. For setting me on the path to becoming me. You think you're unimportant. You think that you're nobody, but you'll do great things one day! You'll meet new people. You'll fall. You'll get back up. You'll change. It may be scarey at first, but it must and will happen. It'll be an adventure! Hang on for the ride of your life!
With Loving Goodbyes,
My New Self
(P.S.: For a very special member of my family, my sister. She knows what it means).
I am freaking 21 years old!
It's a fact that hasn't really set in to me until now.
My childhood is over. I can't even say I'm a young adult now. All I can still say is that I'm young. Which I guess I'll still have until my late 30s to early 40s.
I've been getting hit with major nostalgia trips lately. I've been watching reruns of some of my favorite shows from the late 1990s and early 2000s. Anyone remember Time Squad? Samurai Jack? Johnny Bravo? I. Am. Weasel? Cow and Chicken? TOONAMI!!!!!!!!!
I even remember this one pilot called "Kitty BoBo" that I really liked. It was about a teenage anthropomorphic cat who struggles to impress his friends with how "cool" he is. I loved it a lot and have always been saddened that it was never picked up for a series.
Anyway, Back on track.
I've also been having a bit of early internet nostalgia. I've been revisiting profiles on sites that I haven't visited in up to 9 years! Reading some of my old posts. Wow, I was a completely different person back then. Pretty amusing reading my old thoughts and opinions on certain things, almost all have which have changed. Oh how I thought I knew everything back then! Living life a little bit, I'm not nearly as confident that I am right on everything anymore. My politics have changed. My faith has evolved. Relationships have come and gone. My old self seems like someone from an alternate reality who's using my name! lol
I recently received a letter in the mail. It kinda set off this whole assault of nostalgia, self-reflection, mourning and acceptance. The letter was addressed to me......from myself. Crazy right? Well I opened it and read it. I remembered what it was. It was a letter I had written to myself my freshmen year of high school! Wow, the memories flooded back so fast! I asked myself in the letter how I was. Where I was. Whether I was at OU, my dream college or not. Whether I had a hot girlfriend to call my own (hey, I was a hormone driven brat back then! lol). And most interestingly, I asked whether or not I was involved with the furry fandom. The questions brought smiles and tears of happy memories to my eyes.
Hello Old Me!,
To answer your questions, old me:
-I'm doing good!
-I'm in Norman, Oklahoma.
-Yes. I made it to OU. It may have taken me a bit longer than I had hoped, but you made it buddy! :')
-Sadly, I have not had a woman to call my own. Things won't work out with Shaina. I'm sorry. But you'll look
back on her with more humor than sadness, you'll see.
-Involved in the fandom? Hah! You should see me now! Been to several cons. Even Anthrocon! You should've jumped in sooner! lol
Oh how I wish I could write back to you! The things I would say. The advice I would give. I know you'll never read this, but just in case you come forward in time and find this account:
-Love your sister more.
She's an amazing person, but three brothers can put a strain on any girl!
-Don't run away from meeting new people.
I know talking was scary to you back then, but you'll get over it.
-Work harder!
I know video games are fun, but homework should be your priority.
-Get better grades.
I know I'm at OU now. But I could've gotten here two years earlier with just a little more effort on your part.
-Talk to girls.
I know. You're young. Women are terrifying. They walk like you, talk like you, but they sure as heck don't look or think like you do. In fact, they tend to look a lot better than you! Oh, and when Brittney Woods gives you her number, call her back! Don't be shy. She really likes you!
-Be more accepting of people's differences.
I know back then you tended to be pretty homophobic. Those two gay kids in the marching band with you? They really could use your friendship. They got it rough a lot more than you do!
-Go to band camp!
I always regretted never going to band camp with my friends. Lot of awesome memories that I missed out on.
-Talk more.
I know. Being introverted, small talk doesn't make sense to you. You despise talking to people you've never met. You hate crowds. You would prefer to just sit in your room and read a good book. Look, I understand. I still have those attitudes more or less. But you must learn to tolerate them. Society is built around extroversion, so you must at least learn how to operate within it, even if it feels like entering a different planet. And believe me, that book isn't going anywhere, but life will past whether you act or not!
-Don't listen to those jerks who were so full of themselves.
They were hurting just as much as you were. One had an abusive mother. One had no father at all. It's not your fault they're mean to you. I know their words hurt. But you'll survive.
-Invest in gold!
The market is about to crash! Gold is going to skyrocket! Go go go go go!
-Be willing to take risks.
I know you'd rather stay in your bubble, where it's safe. I know the world terrifies you. You're terrified to grow up. You're terrified to grow older. You want to stay young. But don't you see? If you stay in that bubble, you'll grow old without ever knowing what it was like to be young! Get out there! As Ms. Frizzle from "The Magic School Bus" said, "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!". You'll come out the other side a bigger, better, and more knowledgeable person that way!
-Be willing to start anew.
Nearly all of your friends moved away after elementary school. And sadly, most will move away after high school. It's okay to miss them, but you will make more friends. Don't forget them though! Thank them for the good times, but remember that they have their own lives to lead.
-Lastly, have fun!
You're only going to be a kid once. Enjoy yourself! You have no responsibilities, no commitments, no bills to pay, and your whole life ahead of you! Adulthood can wait, stop taking everything so seriously! And you'll be so much better for it!
It was so much fun to hear from you again! Thank you for the letter. It came at the perfect time. I needed to see it. To give me perspective. Show me where I've come from. Where I am. And possibly, where I'm going. Goodbye to you, younger me. Thanks for the good times! For the cherished memories. For setting me on the path to becoming me. You think you're unimportant. You think that you're nobody, but you'll do great things one day! You'll meet new people. You'll fall. You'll get back up. You'll change. It may be scarey at first, but it must and will happen. It'll be an adventure! Hang on for the ride of your life!
With Loving Goodbyes,
My New Self
(P.S.: For a very special member of my family, my sister. She knows what it means).
Next time. Next time. :3
I remember two years ago when I finally played back myself from like Freshmen year High School. I was so much more energetic in so many more ways.... Actually, it's a little depressing because I seem to see the best parts of me as a younger person and not an older person. Gah anyways. I think that the one thing that I have over my old self is that I don't accept a lack of teamwork. Before, I would've said that a lack of team work among coworkers was fine because I hate conflict, now I'm more apt to speak my mind. Now I'm more...'brazen' is the word I suppose I'm looking for.
I remember the first time that I met you at CiCi's pizzeria and my instincts told me that you were a head strong person that could easily be self-sufficient like one of those farmers that goes to town for clothes or shoes once a year. You were the type who could easily be as nomadic as John the Baptist, eating honey, killing lions, living off the land. That type. I wasn't about to let you leave though. I wasn't about to let you leave without establishing a Christian branch into the fandom. I know that it's much the fault of the local furs that I'm so brazen, but I think I translate a dislike for small talk into an affinity for action. That's an example of the change in personality that I've been through.
Yes, when I was a kid, I was far more faithful to God, but I think it took a lot of heart ache for me to conceptualize that my walk with God doesn't have to be like walking on eggshells(full of rules).. rather that life is a long, arduous process, full of broken eggshells but it matters only if effort is put in to pursuing Jesus Christ. That requires faithfulness. So while I was far more attuned to the right and wrong of my actions in my early years and had a strong commitment to be ever-aware of God, I've resolved that I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I also resolve that I am going to make mistakes; that forgiveness is commitment to abolish vengeance; and that I have to forgive myself because Jesus(the one who I sin against, who has all the reason to be vengeful) forgave me, died for me, and rose again to be my advocate in Christ. That's my lifeline.
I'm different from my early self because I'm very practical, brazen, and invested in others success... I've GOT to work on the girls thing though... For goodness sake, I'm 32! YEAH, NICK... THir-TEE- TWO! So now you can have a person to watch that you not become the same. haha. Jah bless!
Yeah. When I was younger, my morality was VERY black and white. There was right and there was wrong. And I knew which was which because I knew everything back then. Lol
That began to change when I realized that I hurt a lot of people with my judgments. If I thought you were immoral or wrong, I would flat out tell it to your face. I thought this was a good way to behave because I viewed it as 1: Me being honest, which is a trait I still value highly. And 2: I felt it would help people see their errors and get back on track.
It pains me to realize it now but I was a little bit of a bully back then. My faith in God's omnipresence was so strong that I saw any misfortune that befell anyone as being divine punishment for something they did. So I actually felt guilty and would ask for forgiveness from God just for feeling sorry for people. It wasn't until I discovered the Westboro Baptist Church that I really started to change fast. And I changed fast because I saw myself in them. And I hated what I saw.
But yeah! Meeting you and Pachua in CiCis that day sort of sent me on a journey that I'm still traveling. I love this fandom so much, even with its faults and failings. It's made me a more open and loving person. I'm not nearly as judgmental as I used to be. Though I will speak up when I see someone doing something that is outright destructive to others.
As for the girl thing. I never really dated girls in my younger years due to my dogmatic faith. I was so against sexuality and last and sin that I purposely cut myself off from having relationships. My reasoning was that it was better to forgo finding someone I love if it meant I could avoid hell. And besides, I loved and served God. So i naturally assumed that he would give me a girl. Kinda dumb to think about it now.
This attitude turned out to be a big mistake. Now that I'm past all that, I'm in my 20s and have virtually no dating skills. When I go to college functions by myself and people ask why I don't have a date, it's pretty embarrassing and I just say that I'm too lazy to find one. Which sounds bad but still sounds better than saying that I truly don't know how to get one!
Anyway, I've come this far. I have faith that I'll go further. I'm Confident t that ill meet someone eventually.
I only know how to do that on Animal Crossing. x3
Your reply to BJBear2001 reminds me a bit of myself, but my conflict was different. I was on the entire "God can cure my sexuality" track and I was mean about it!
It didn't work.
I actually disappeared from the Oklahoma part of the fandom around the time you wrote this letter. On top of another incident, the primary furry convention in Oklahoma had chosen two themes that I found offensive, http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Oklacon#Themes . I felt very unwelcome. I ended up landing in a Christian LGBTIQ Furry group, radically changing, and...yeah.
It's only been in the past year that I've bothered to really talk to Oklahoman furs and only last Summer that I bothered meeting any of them face to face. I've been focusing on my schoolwork more than anything, but when I do glance at my furry stuff and I see you and other Christian furs on the Oklahoma furry groups, I start considering joining in the local furmeets and stuff. :P
In other words: Thank you.
You're a YOUNG cub in my books. Remember, I just joined the "Grey Muzzle Club" haha.
With age comes wisdom, if you let it happen.