I just want to be happy..............I can't be happy anymore. Every time I AM happy, its almost immediately stripped from me.
I just.........I can't take it anymore. I just want to be great, to have greatness.........I need to prove everyone wrong, that my life isn't worthless and that I WILL rise above everyone and be great...........I was always told I'd never amount to anything. And here lately, I've been feeling like nothing. Nothing I say or do is appreciated, I'm constantly criticized. Nobody hangs out with me.......nobody talks to me barely.........My job makes me feel like less of a human being.......I can make other people happy........why can't I do that for myself? I just NEED to have that good job.......I NEED to be on top........I've tried so hard, fought through drug addiction and crippling depression, why can't I just make it? I need to do something better than this, but what? I just.......I can't even anymore. I've lost hope that my life will be any better than it is now.

My mom just dropped the ball of 'Heeeey there shitlord you gotta be out in less than two weeks cause we're moving to Florida!' :D I mean..........I've known for a while now, but she's never given me an exact date or time frame till today. Awesome. Just. Awesome. So I'll be moving into my grandpa's house and have no internet for an indefinite amount of time. Fan. Fucking. Tastic.

I just want to be happy..........I want to know what it feels like again, cause I sure as hell can't seem to feel it anymore.