I was rude to all of my watchers earlier with the journal I posted. If you did not see it, then don't worry. For those of you offended, I did not intend to come off as being hurtful or condescending or as trying to guilt trip you.

After applying for over thirty jobs at as many companies this summer, getting two in-person interviews in total, and not hearing back from any of them, I am at a pretty low point right now. I know that I am not the only one fighting unemployment and trying to find a job, but as this is the first summer I have actually needed to get a job, it has been incredibly stressful for me and I am not coping very well.

Things just have been rough on my end. Constantly fighting against anxiety and depression while trying to catch up on my commissions and keeping everybody happy is just really difficult. Due to my previous experience working with 3D CAD programs both in High School and in college, my father recommended (more like voluntold me) to design virtual models that the marching band could use to build their props based on. This involved me having to, by hand, construct a full scale football field in Autodesk Inventor, as well as complex props such as runway lights, tailfins, wings, and engines with my incredibly limited knowledge of the programs (the band's field show is aiviation themed).

Coupling this with my aforementioned other responsibilities, this whole summer has been really, really tough on me. I know that most of you don't even know much about me or what I do day to day, I can understand why you may not feel any sympathy for me based on my short rants like the one from earlier.

I guess that with all the immense amount of work I have been doing lately has given me a sense of entitlement, as if the work alone means I should deserve more attention. As I look back over my previous journals, I am seeing that I've been rather dismal and depressing in a fair amount of them, showing discontent for how little attention I've been getting.

I'm really not sure what else I can say here, so if there are any questions or comments you may have for me, please leave them in the comments.

TL;DR: I am sorry for being a butt lately and I hope you can forgive me.