Look at what he posted, I know this took some real balls to do so.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6134635/ (read it first or after, doesn't matter!)



As some of you may be aware, things have not been entirely perfect with all that "life stuff" I keep referencing. I think I owe you guys an explanation, especially now since we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and if telling our story can help even one person, it'll be worth it.

I've always known my beloved husband didn't love himself the way he should. I hoped things would get better with time if I was there for him enough, but it was increasingly becoming apparent that being a shoulder to lean on was not good enough on its own, but I didn't know what else I could possibly do. Things became really bad about half a year ago when he had a burn-out at school. I felt like I was losing him. We were both miserable.

We went to our doctor and he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, which is often caused by childhood bullying. You learn coping mechanisms that can get you through being a kid, but these behaviors are not appropriate for adulthood and will drag you down. Our doctor, although she meant well, kept trying to shove pills down his throat, but since the disease of anxiety is defined by being worried about everything all he could see were the (sometimes awful and/or permanent) side effects and he refused them. There was also the shame associated with accepting medication-- you are admitting you are "broken". That's what his anxiety made him think, anyway. He could not deal with this emotionally.

After putting our foot down enough, our doctor changed tack and eventually referred to a cognitive behavioral therapist instead* and...

I have my husband back now.

I'm crying while typing this, I am so happy for him. For us.

It was explained that pills aren't the longterm solution that doctors often say they are-- in particularly bad cases or when you don't have a good support network you can take them to help you get through the therapy because they "flatten" your up and down mood spikes and make CBT tolerable, but the ultimate goal is to reprogram your brain with new behaviors so you can be happy on your own and not be dependent on medication. It turned out he didn't need them after all, and taking them may have done him more harm than good in his case. Maybe he would have considered the problem solved and never pursued the CBT angle further? Maybe he would have been just fine doing both? We'll never know. Every person is different and needs an individual diagnosis by a specialist to maximize their success. Your family doctor may not be that person-- don't be afraid to ask for a referral.

Therapy was going well. It was emotionally painful and awkward, but progress was being made in leaps and bounds. But we were still left with the school thing...

I should explain the school thing more in-depth. Nephis is doing a relatively new program called Business Intelligence (gathering data so you can make predictions) and he chose to finish his schooling with a memoir-- which is sort of like a thesis. He had his subject and started to work, but things were not going half as well as they were supposed to. He didn't understand why, and because he had shitty self-esteem at the time, assumed it was because he was stupid or lazy and just needed to pull up his socks and get the work done.

Meanwhile, I got insomnia in a really bad way around then, which made him even more nervous because we didn't know what was going on. I admit that before either of us knew the details on the school-thing, I was putting a lot of pressure on him about starting a family, which of course did nothing but stress both of us out.

After talking to some of his friends and other professors, he found out that he was being given the wrong kind of work entirely, because his professor is getting old and... forgot. Yes. Nephis is too smart and too hardworking to suspect it was out of his league and tried to do it anyway. And he almost succeeded, too.

Things with the university are much better now-- the senile professor is still there but they brought in a second one who knows what solar system he's currently in. His workload has been reduced to more reasonable levels. Things are getting done.

He is so much less stressed out, and things are increasingly improving. He feels better, he's finally doing the things he secretly wanted to do all his life but was too afraid of. He's stopped caring what other people think. I'm feeling better because the man I love is happy. I feel much more motivated and can focus more on my work, I no longer spend every night worrying about him because he's kicking this thing in the ASS. We have Garrus (our bird) to love in the meantime while we wait for a better moment to have a family of our own.

I'm just so happy and proud of him, I'm beyond words.

Thank you, Nephis.



I hope our story inspires someone living like he did to reach out for professional help, because it is so very, very worth it. Sometimes talking to your friends isn't enough on it's own, but not many people know that and I keep seeing this "cure" being offered as if it's the only option other than pills. Sometimes therapy isn't even mentioned unless you specifically ask for it, and how can you ask for a thing you don't even know exists? There is NO shame in going to see a therapist when you are unhappy. There is also no shame in taking medication if it's appropriate for you, but know that there are sometimes other options out there if they make you uncomfortable. No one would ever mock you for breaking your leg or getting sick and seeing a doctor, this is no different. If you don't feel this way but know someone who does, please please tell them so they may be inspired to start their journey to recovery and learn to love themselves.

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*Minor correction: I completely forgot he had TWO referrals. The doctor referred us to someone with a ridiculous waiting list, so he ended up making a secondary appointment with his university's psychologist who referred him to the CB therapist he's seeing now.