some people have noticed how i've been "off" allow me to explain myself....

I am bipolar 1 to those who know what that means great, to those who don't it basically means unlike most people who have a stable mood I am almost never stable i have rapid mood swings, but they have been even more rapid lately....

a week and a half ago I lost my 2 year old nephew Ryan, he was left unattended.... he fell into my cousins Koi pond and drowned. Those who know me well know im know stranger to death, but there's something about losing someone so young that urks me it. worst of all i find myself unable to deal with this loss... I've tryed processing my feelings but I have been unable to yet..... worst yet is due to my "relationship" with my family i found myself unable to attend his funeral... prolly for the best as I don't think i could keep my mouth shut and i would end up saying something that would make my "family" dislike me even more than they already do.


I feel bad now because i fear the grief i feel now has become a burden to my friends and loved ones, my poor mate is handling this so well i am truly blessed to have someone like him through this time.

I would like to apologize to those who have tryed to contact me will little result, and I would like to apologize if ive inconvenienced anyone with my outburst's.

i will as with all things get over it eventually, but in the mean time please bare with me i am truly sorry if i have made anyone worry or anything like that.

I know this is no excuse to the people ive snapped at lately especially my mate whom i love with all my heart.

thank you for you're time