Well it's finally come down to it. We can no longer live in the house I spent 14 years in.

My mother, little sister and myself have been here alone for the last several years, my brother lived here on and off. But now we can't afford the rent and are leaving. The last couple weeks we've been packing up and moving things. They honestly did almost all the packing while I of course did the moving to a large storage unit.

I was faced with a difficult life changing decision because they planned on moving all the way from San Diego(where we live) to North Carolina(where my older sister and her family live) on the one hand it would be nice to see my big sis, bro in law and especially my little 6 year old niece! But i know if I went I'd probably never be able to come back for a long time. Plus leaving my car behind, trying to find a new job and other junk.

On the other hand I wanted to stay because I have a car(in shit condition atm) a few really good friends from high school and my girlfriend. I spoke to her about it, telling her I was the most depressed I had ever been over the choice and were life has put me. I told her the biggest reason I wanted to stay was for her, that I was willing to do whatever it takes to improve things between us if she wanted me to stay....what does she do? Refuses to work on things and dumps me...knowing her decision made me feel suicidal, she still didn't care and complained about me...someone I had know for almost 9 years and considered my best friend above all...but looking back at things, she was always my worst enemy. I suffered for so any years because of her and for her. And none of it mattered to her. So if someone can really be that cruel to me, they don't deserve someone as loyal and awesome as me, and I definitely don't deserve someone as uncaring and unappreciative of me. Yes we've had plenty of good times, and yes I screwed up as well in many ways, but on the whole I know I was more good than evil to her...and it seems she already moved onto being with someone else...that was pretty quick...I'm sure she was planning but for quite a while, it's not the first time she's done this to me, but the worst perhaps...

So I'm alone now in that regard, it's depressing but when isn't anything depressing to me...

Fortunately my good friends I mentioned, one of which was nearly begging me to stay, are helping me. Both in terms of the actually moving process and for when I live on my own. One guy is letting me stay at his house for a while and the other's mom has a studio that's going to be empty in 2 weeks that she's gonna rent to me! Finally I'll have a place of my own! These guys have been like family and I've known them since early high school long before I met my now ex-gf, so they truly deserve the rank of best friends much more than her at this point!

Unfortunately my stupid external hard drive for my computer is messed up and I can't access my files, which is literally 99% of all my saved computer files and programs...so unless I can fix it and the data isn't truly lost, it basically feels as if it is lost...but there's still hope. And if I can get it fixed, I'm going to try and be more artistically active, whether it's drawing, voice acting, music, YouTube videos, all that stuff! And I won't have someone constantly making me feel like shit that I don't do all that enough even when I do try! (ex-gf....)

So those are my newest life changes. Not that anyone else cares at all, but I just felt the need to write all this down, even if no one here does...oh well, thanks for reading if you did even if you don't leave a comment. I'm still very depressed about everything so any little positive things right now make a HUGE difference! Peace out.