Take this post how you wish.

I really try to avoid being "emo" and I keep to myself but sometimes I wonder if I'm invisible. Always a lot on my mind lately, maybe I'm just not mature enough yet to further things in my life. Anyway I'm gonna break down a few things, let it be know how I feel.

Career: Perhaps the most mature part of my life currently, I have a job in the field I studied, gathering experience. I try to embrace every part of it and learn what I can. I'm hoping it leads to better things, however what are those things? Maybe its just my negative view of the world outside my little bubble, but I just don't see a bright future. The world is just becoming more and more divided it seems.

Hobbies: Including both tabletop (Magic, Warhammer, etc) and video games...Am I stretching too thin? I try to play so many games it seems like I only get to a certain point of skill before I stop. Why do I continue playing them? Are they just a waste of time? Should I drop some and focus or try to do "adult" things such as further my knowledge in cooking, maintenance of everyday things (car etc), and other related ideas? Going forward I just see my life falling into a mundane rotation of work, eat, relax, sleep, repeat. Could be these hobbies spice things up a bit, but what for?

Friends: I wonder how many people are really a true friend, I know a lot of people from various backgrounds, countries, and ages...yet why do I feel alone all the time? I'd love to spend time almost every other day with others, feel included, even online. I just feel like that extra baggage a lot of the time, like I'm only there as a body. A lot of said friends have significant others, furthering that feeling. I'll admit I don't talk directly to people most of the time, but lately I've been trying to remember things going on in their lives, checking up on some I haven't herd from in a long time. It seems I have no problems finding others to get close to online, yet no one is ever closer than a few states away. I feel like I'm getting closer to the point where I shouldn't bother looking.

Maturity: Yes I know, my vocabulary is limited and my understanding of the English language never really surpassed the beginning of high school. It's another reason why I feel immature. I don't read, partially due to my poor comprehension and how slow I do read, plus it feels like a waste of time in today's society. If it weren't for spell check, there was at least 15 words I misspelled. With how fast everything moves, what time is there? I know several friends that have done their own taxes, know how legal systems work, and are ready to live out on their own. While I do feel I could do this, if my parents weren't so supportive, where would I be? I suppose I'm clinging to security, not wanting things to change. My life is pretty great, despite issues with money now and then but who doesn't have issues anymore? I'm very grateful to be where I'm at, just wish I could push myself to be that much better.


Anyway that is what I can think of right now, wonder if anyone will actually listen. Please don't post "Oh if you need to talk I'm here...etc", I've done my talking.