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Where I've been
11 years ago
A number of you, both close friends and not, probably are wondering what is going on with me. Beware as this may end up being long since I'll just be thinking and writing as I go.
As my journal stated about a year ago, I graduated from university. After being enrolled for 5 years (and 2 years in another program that had an unfortunate ending) I finally completed my education. I aimed to be a UI/UX designer and had a portfolio which felt like a step in the right direction. I had some co-op experience for 8 months and work experience in plenty of other places before school, so I'm not a school-only newbie.
Months passed and my job search started picking up. I wasn't necessarily surprised to see that I wasn't getting many interviews - but I did get some. I even had some interviews from some pretty promising places. Ultimately this didn't lead anywhere. Half a year went by and I started to worry. My job search spread out to other areas. General design, graphic design, motion artist, web design, marketing/communications, QA.. but again and again I would find that, even if I was commended on speaking strongly in interviews, it would always be given to someone else due to experience or more specialized skills.
Same story I'm sure a lot of you are used to hearing from University graduates. Likely from art/design programs. Lots of other programs fall into the same fate, too. Yeah I probably didn't make the smartest choice all those years ago but being naive about industry demands and expecting that "school means a better job" from high-school and parents, I just went on with it without doing enough research. My program was too broad. Covered too many useless topics. Didn't do enough with things the world actually needed. I was blind but there isn't much I can do about it now.
Now you may be thinking "why not make art your career?" and the short answer is: "I don't want to". I want to keep art a hobby so I can enjoy it. I could make some amount of living by doing it, sure. But it'd never be consistent and I would be isolated in the furry community without making progress to work myself out into a more professional illustration industry unless I stopped drawing smut (which is competitive industry enough as it is).
This is why I've slowed down with drawing a lot. I realized that drawing furry art was a time sink. It would be something I could only do for pleasure. If I did it in the place of "progressing my skills" then I would be wasting my time because I should be getting better at something I want to do as a career. I would feel guilt every time I picked up my pencil to draw because I -should- be doing something else. It's pretty agonizing to feel this way.
But what would I work on? My skills were so broad from school that I'd have to pick something and focus on it. But what's good to focus on? Something that people demand or something that I want to do? How much time will it take? Will it actually help me? The indecision is eating away at me every day. I run in circles.
Some may say that I need a goal. I had a goal when I started all this. I set a goal when I came out of school. Now I have to change it. I have to consider more than what -I- want because what I wanted didn't work out due to competition and industry demands. I'm not good enough yet to get the experience I need to move on. Do I need more school? More projects? In what direction? Practice what skills? Start anywhere? Do anything?
And my close friends and family are frustrated because they can't help. They don't know how or they don't have the resources to do so. Its agonizing to me to be the source of their frustration. It spills over in bouts of "what is your plan? What are you doing? How can I help? I'm sorry I don't mean to get upset at you I just don't know what to do". It's something I've never felt before. No direction. No solid advice. No foundation to fall back on. I'm just floating.
My last few interview rejects felt like the breaking point. I had a few promising opportunities fall through my fingers. Some I even expected to get because I was overqualified. But nonetheless, here we are. I'm trying to re-evaluate my plan.
I don't know yet where things will take me, but I'll keep.. doing something until things fall into place. I'm not looking for help here. I know some of you may have suggestions, which I'd be happy to hear, but this is something largely in my control. I think I'm in this mess because I listened to people too much instead of making my own choices and being sure of them. So. That's why there's not much art here. Just thought you might like to know.
Cheers, and enjoy the Halloween season!
As my journal stated about a year ago, I graduated from university. After being enrolled for 5 years (and 2 years in another program that had an unfortunate ending) I finally completed my education. I aimed to be a UI/UX designer and had a portfolio which felt like a step in the right direction. I had some co-op experience for 8 months and work experience in plenty of other places before school, so I'm not a school-only newbie.
Months passed and my job search started picking up. I wasn't necessarily surprised to see that I wasn't getting many interviews - but I did get some. I even had some interviews from some pretty promising places. Ultimately this didn't lead anywhere. Half a year went by and I started to worry. My job search spread out to other areas. General design, graphic design, motion artist, web design, marketing/communications, QA.. but again and again I would find that, even if I was commended on speaking strongly in interviews, it would always be given to someone else due to experience or more specialized skills.
Same story I'm sure a lot of you are used to hearing from University graduates. Likely from art/design programs. Lots of other programs fall into the same fate, too. Yeah I probably didn't make the smartest choice all those years ago but being naive about industry demands and expecting that "school means a better job" from high-school and parents, I just went on with it without doing enough research. My program was too broad. Covered too many useless topics. Didn't do enough with things the world actually needed. I was blind but there isn't much I can do about it now.
Now you may be thinking "why not make art your career?" and the short answer is: "I don't want to". I want to keep art a hobby so I can enjoy it. I could make some amount of living by doing it, sure. But it'd never be consistent and I would be isolated in the furry community without making progress to work myself out into a more professional illustration industry unless I stopped drawing smut (which is competitive industry enough as it is).
This is why I've slowed down with drawing a lot. I realized that drawing furry art was a time sink. It would be something I could only do for pleasure. If I did it in the place of "progressing my skills" then I would be wasting my time because I should be getting better at something I want to do as a career. I would feel guilt every time I picked up my pencil to draw because I -should- be doing something else. It's pretty agonizing to feel this way.
But what would I work on? My skills were so broad from school that I'd have to pick something and focus on it. But what's good to focus on? Something that people demand or something that I want to do? How much time will it take? Will it actually help me? The indecision is eating away at me every day. I run in circles.
Some may say that I need a goal. I had a goal when I started all this. I set a goal when I came out of school. Now I have to change it. I have to consider more than what -I- want because what I wanted didn't work out due to competition and industry demands. I'm not good enough yet to get the experience I need to move on. Do I need more school? More projects? In what direction? Practice what skills? Start anywhere? Do anything?
And my close friends and family are frustrated because they can't help. They don't know how or they don't have the resources to do so. Its agonizing to me to be the source of their frustration. It spills over in bouts of "what is your plan? What are you doing? How can I help? I'm sorry I don't mean to get upset at you I just don't know what to do". It's something I've never felt before. No direction. No solid advice. No foundation to fall back on. I'm just floating.
My last few interview rejects felt like the breaking point. I had a few promising opportunities fall through my fingers. Some I even expected to get because I was overqualified. But nonetheless, here we are. I'm trying to re-evaluate my plan.
I don't know yet where things will take me, but I'll keep.. doing something until things fall into place. I'm not looking for help here. I know some of you may have suggestions, which I'd be happy to hear, but this is something largely in my control. I think I'm in this mess because I listened to people too much instead of making my own choices and being sure of them. So. That's why there's not much art here. Just thought you might like to know.
Cheers, and enjoy the Halloween season!
Thanks for keeping us posted. :E
All of that to say, I'm pretty sure you will find something pal, but perhaps not yet. Continue to knock at much doors as you can with your resume, don't discourage, and I'm pretty sure you'll find something. In case of, as last solution, when job doesn't come at you, you must come at it: moving to the east of Canada, even maybe to another country, could be a solution to get the job you want. But that's just a suggestion.
Thanks for having kept us in touch, I cross my finger for you. Take care
Best wishes, red. Cheers! <3
Anyway, I'm proud to be your friend for as long as I have although we don't talk as much as we used to I don't one bit feel that we are any less friends and just wanted to let ya know I have your back no matter what <3
I can't tell you what to do or really suggest anything, as I too am trying to figure these things out myself, but I have confidence in your ability and know something will work out for you eventually. Just try to keep your head up and don't ever give up~
Keep at it. :)
If so, I think you should try to focus on what your studies prompted you to get your feet into.
If not, I think that's what you should focus on first. Even if you aren't doing exactly what you want to do with your life, working at LEAST part time will help you feel better about yourself, because it's better than sitting around feeling like you're a drain on people.
Secondly, it might be difficult to find the opportunities or even to try to get back into it in general, but if you continued to work on UI / UX, for example, on your own personal projects or as part of a team in a volunteer experience, you might be able to continuously improve enough to have a strong portfolio that would get people looking at you again.
After you've grown your portfolio again, you might consider trying to re-apply to those same places that you heard positive feedback from before. Good chance that some of them may remember you and potentially have open positions now that the next generation of consoles is out and newer operating systems are hitting the market.
Strong interview skills are what set people apart, and honestly at some point the interview becomes more of a "Do we think this person's personality would fit well with our culture" more than "Does this person have the technical background necessary to yada yada".
Don't forget that you've likely grown mentally and matured quite a bit since you first graduated, and that fact is going to show in your personality and your responses to the harder interview questions. Just this journal can speak for that, as you're not really whining, but more being open and honest about your personal difficulties in a fashion that invites discussion and not just asspats.
You'll have more personal experience to draw from when discussing certain things in that respect, and I can guarantee you that any interviewer is going to understand your situation at least somewhat, especially if you walk into an interview with the sort of experience like I'm suggesting you earn: that is, picking back up where you left off and continuing to improve / polish your portfolio.
That would show initiative, dedication, and talent, which is something any good company is going to be searching the cracks for.
"But what would I work on?"
UI / UX design. That's what you wanted to get into in the first place and your portfolio probably has some examples already. Pick back up where you left off and keep going with it.
"My skills were so broad from school that I'd have to pick something and focus on it."
See above.
"But what's good to focus on? Something that people demand or something that I want to do?"
UI / UX design is in demand right now.
"How much time will it take?"
If you have stable income it doesn't matter. Improvement is improvement.
"Will it actually help me? The indecision is eating away at me every day. I run in circles."
It's better than sitting on your butt, isn't it?
In any case, whether or not you want to be professional, I think it's pretty achievable to get better at art while still drawing furry stuff, the trick is working creatively to find ways to push yourself while working on a furry commission, which can be hard because it's easy in those cases to just revert to what you know and what you're sure of and what works. Exploring and hunting down tutorials, trying different methods and techniques, working in unusual subject matter, and personal side doodles...Just because it's smut doesn't mean you can't try ways of approaching it! Personally, I feel like my own art has been taking steps forward lately, little by little, despite it all being furry crap. I make it interesting and challenging for myself as best I can.
That said, it definitely does slow your personal improvement down when you're spending your art time just on commissions. They can be a trap where if you get too invested in furry commissions, your improvement will slow down and stagnate. I tend to bite that anyway just because I'm perpetually short on cash myself, but it's good to get a little space to experiment in. I have to say though, with 10000 followers, you're very far on your way to being able to make pretty significant money on furry commissions if you do it on a consistent and frequent basis.
But ya, just keep plugging away. Find other ways you can use your skill sets, art included, to get a job of any sort. Who knows where it will lead. I certainly didn't expect to be in the printing business, but hey Ryoken and Nevir dragged me in and I'm doing pretty ok for now with a lot of hope for moving up! Didn't expect that.
All I can tell you is I read what you posted.
I can understand how you feel.
Wish the best for you, of course.
And all I can encourage you to do is realize you've made a great accomplishment in finishing University. Its frustrating when things are never as clear cut as we're told they will be but hopefully you realize no matter where you are now you are where plenty of others have been and there's noting wrong with feeling frustrated by that, confused and lost.
As a guy looking for answers on stuff himself, all I can say is I'm pulling for ya, we're all in this together.
It sounds like you're getting a bit of interest and consideration, the dice just havent landed in your favour yet. Luck is one of those things that's beyond control. For me personally I was in the same position a few years ago. I was applying for 3D art jobs and not getting anywhere. I finally got a dose of luck in a related field, but it took me a year in which I was much like how you described; a bit lost and unsure about what I was doing or what the next step was.
Luck is just one of those things man. I hope it finds you soon and you get your break. It sounds like that's the only thing missing, anyway.
Location proximity, education requirements and wage offering. One can usually pick two of these three, and I know it sounds cliche, but it's a cover-all that really touches on all bases. If you're set on a particular career course, don't feel like you're giving up on anything if you pursue it more than personal interests; and don't take setbacks too personally. Sometimes it can indeed be a stroke of chance at work when landing that job one is looking for, especially if it's long term employment. The same goes for having dozens of interviews and drawing short on each and every one.
If there are things you find yourself enjoying, don't give it up. If it's something that gives you personal pleasure then do it, in moderation. If you're feeling particularly energetic at any point make a schedule or something. Set those extra things and hobbies for after office hours, there's time for at least a bit of something extra in everyone's day. This might sound a bit excess; but eating and sleeping properly are sources of energy that can't be emphasized enough. Taking just a little bit of extra time for them will often make those hours that make up the rest of the week far more productive.
Last line is I'm personally not that good in following my own advice... But talking does help! Even if you don't feel having the time to draw, do check in now and then, and write. There's always a curious but caring audience.