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why can i never catch a break
11 years ago
General
ever.
I've had my shit packed, and I've been living between houses for MONTHS now. Do you know how hard it is to get shit done when you don't know where anything is half of the goddamn time?
My depression and anxiety has come back, and with a vengeance. There is a huge mental block in my brain where 'communicating with others' is supposed to be. Whenever I get a message or call from a friend, my mind goes blank, I have a panic attack, and I have not the slightest clue how to respond. This is very uncharacteristic of me.
I just got over being sick for a week, and taking care of my boyfriend who got sick after me. Luckily, I didn't have to miss any days of work, but there were days where I felt like killing myself because I was a walking sick-zombie.
My best friend is now broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years. She moved to Arizona with him, and is now stranded. She's coming home on the 28th, but has literally nothing. I'm trying to help her out as much as I can.
And now, my childhood dog has died yesterday. He went blind on saturday, and then yesterday he had a violent seizure, so we took him in to be put down...there was no way he would ever recover from one that severe. I got him christmas of 2001...so he lived a good life...I mostly feel bad for my grandfather who adored that dog. In fact, they loved each other so much that I gave Copper to him, and since he lives across the street, I still got to see him every day.
My grandfather never went anywhere without that dog. It's so hard to see him now, all he can do is cry, and I've never seen my grandfather cry before.
I just...I feel like I'm at such a loss. I just want to scream at the sky until all of this stops. I just want EVERYTHING to stop. I want time to myself. I need time to process. I need to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my life and everything in it.
I just need time...
I've had my shit packed, and I've been living between houses for MONTHS now. Do you know how hard it is to get shit done when you don't know where anything is half of the goddamn time?
My depression and anxiety has come back, and with a vengeance. There is a huge mental block in my brain where 'communicating with others' is supposed to be. Whenever I get a message or call from a friend, my mind goes blank, I have a panic attack, and I have not the slightest clue how to respond. This is very uncharacteristic of me.
I just got over being sick for a week, and taking care of my boyfriend who got sick after me. Luckily, I didn't have to miss any days of work, but there were days where I felt like killing myself because I was a walking sick-zombie.
My best friend is now broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years. She moved to Arizona with him, and is now stranded. She's coming home on the 28th, but has literally nothing. I'm trying to help her out as much as I can.
And now, my childhood dog has died yesterday. He went blind on saturday, and then yesterday he had a violent seizure, so we took him in to be put down...there was no way he would ever recover from one that severe. I got him christmas of 2001...so he lived a good life...I mostly feel bad for my grandfather who adored that dog. In fact, they loved each other so much that I gave Copper to him, and since he lives across the street, I still got to see him every day.
My grandfather never went anywhere without that dog. It's so hard to see him now, all he can do is cry, and I've never seen my grandfather cry before.
I just...I feel like I'm at such a loss. I just want to scream at the sky until all of this stops. I just want EVERYTHING to stop. I want time to myself. I need time to process. I need to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my life and everything in it.
I just need time...
I'm so sorry all this is hitting you at once. If I can help I will.
Hopefully the days ahead will get easier.
I appreciate you taking the time to keep us informed *hugs*
and seriously, anxiety is no joke, I had it really bad a year ago, once in awhile it flares up and damn I hope no one is within range XD
let me know if theres anything we can do
*hugs* I hope things ease up soon
I understand how stress can isolate you from people and stop you from talking with them. I didn't know you suffer from these afflictions; aside from your not wanting to talk to me because of shyness. Stress is more understandable.
You have many close friends who would do what they can to help, people that you can rely on, people that you are more connected to. You will get help soon enough. Don't be afraid to accept it.
The last thing I ever want to do is spread unhappiness on others :C
I appreciate your comment though...and honest to god, I've been kinda lurking around on your page when I've had time to be on the computer and thinking a lot about you, and how you have been doing. I even kinda hovered around on your shoutbox, but I left before I posted anything :x
I know we had our differences in the past, I just want you to know that I hold no grudges against you, and I sincerely hope you hold none against me. I don't even remember what happened exactly, but do know that I miss you.
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I hope everything gets better for you soon. If you need anything, you know how to reach me.
You're the best.
The reality is though...that my life is just in a HUGE transition and adjustment period right now. I'm also beginning to think that I may have Bi Polar disorder, or something similar? Because honestly one minute I could be so happy that I can't even contain it, and I bounce around all over the place...then the next minute, something REALLY minor could happen, and suddenly I'm so depressed, suicidal and lethargic.
These extreme shifts happen at least 2 or 3 times a day.
I'm not sure, but are you still in therapy? That would be a great thing for you to talk to your therapist about so you guys can explore treatment options.