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...Dear diary...
11 years ago
... Hello lovely FA diary...
I feel little bit bored right now, and I think I can write a little bit english again after some time. Need little bit more experience.. So... Diary - if you feel a mistake I write on you, please tell me.
Last two weeks (and about my time as a cleaner for a turk ô.O')
So, I had 2 weeks of practise in a little business of a dress maker or somethink similar... Someone who likes to make your pants smaller, thinner and shorter, if they don't fit you and so on. Hope ya know whatamean.
So I was very busy the last two weeks.
I wanted to learn something for my practise doing fursuit building.
But... Yeah...
I had to work monday to saturday, from 9:00am to 6:00pm... 6 days the week...
After all I was the german cleaner for a turk... *searching for an angry smiley but can't find something like this, so I decide to write something like... uhm...*: >
I had to clean his kitchen and the floor everyday...
All I could do was pening a lot of seams on pants....
Yeah, after all I don't like this job, because you can only learn here to do "changing dress maker" and not "really dress maker" ( the first one needs 2 years education, the second one needs 3 years. But for the second one you need to do the first one at first, and thats a lot too boring for me and a lot TOOO MUCH STRESS with all the consumers x.x - we had 1-3 costumers every 5th minutes!
Mrew, so much about the last 2 weeks....
Feelings right now
Something more to say, uhm, dunno...
Somehow I feel sad.
As sad as I feel my whoole life long. But I can't understand really why. I am never satisfied with myself somehow... I feel lonely, also though I have my boyfriend, but somehow, dunno, I feel lonely nevertheless as my life long... And just can't understand why...
Also I am thinking a lot about my past, the last years and all the people I knew and met and I lost.
Somehow, I wish I could forget the most of all these memories, nevermind if they are nice memories ore bad memories. All the happy and all the sad moments. I wish they could just dissapear out of my mind, because they have no sense at all I think, and they just aggravate me (what a word... just found it in the google translator *cough* ).
I don't feel worse than ever before I think. But I am neither really happy...
GOOOSH - people! Just make me happy! Doe SOMETHING! Dunno what! But I hate this black, dark, grey, sad, grumpy feeling without any matter -.-'
About the commissions:
- The YCH for Wolfsbeagle is ready, just need to ship
- the tail for Leitwolf is ready and paid. I will start with his feetpaws and handpaws as soon as I WILL HAVE NEW MATERIAL!!!
- Feetpaws for Akito are ready and need to be paid and shipped.
Next projects:
- Head for Streuni
- Tail for plague-angel
- Feetpaws and handpaws for Leitwolf
Commission problems about the DAMMIT MATERIIIAAALS!!!!! AND FU***NG MONEY F&AZ%$JE§S#
Yeah, I dunno if anybody is wondered why I don't seem to build any fursuit stuff at the moment...
For all the ones who didn't read my journal about the money problem --> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6121105/
I need 241€ for Fursuit building MATERIALS I need for the claws, molds, bases and pawpads...
Also I saw I need some more new black and white Luxury Shag fur.
Money problems
The employment exchange gives me about 340€ per month. I need to pay food for me or my pets, the cats or the dog, also sometimes bills of the veterinary and clothes or similar things for daily life. I also would need a mobile phone - my one is the old one of my sister and my mobile phone is 6 years old now... Also I would need a good camera for taking pictures of animals and fursuiters... and I would like to buy some shoes for the winther, cause my shores wich costs 10€ (about 15$) are always wet outside because of the rain - but nooo - I have no money for anything of this at all o__O - Because I always at first want to buy fursuit building materials! - I must be crazy, yes... But I hope I could get just some hundred euros for buying a new mobile phone or a camera or at least shoes :(
But at first I want to pay all the 300 or mor € back to my boyfriend he payd for me because of the Eurofurence, vehicle petrol or fuel and food...
Nonsmoker and no need of sleeping-pills anymore now :)
- Yeah, since may my pills for sleep are emty. Normally I would had need new oney, but I couldn't find a doctore who has space for new patients... Tjaja... Now I don't have any more pills and had no other way as stopping taking them... After 4 dammit struggleing hard weeks without much sleep and a lot of tears and dizzy in my head, the fight was over. Now I can sleep without any pills again :)
Also, because my boyfriend wouldn't accept in any way that I was smoker - I had no other choice as stopping smoking.
Since may now I didn't smoke any more. Think this is also a good thing :)
Normally that must spare me about 25€ per month... But somehow I can't see any of the money, I would normally had smoke <.<.... So... Don't spare much money though.
My lovely motheraunt is in hospital :'(
She is something like a mother for me, cause my parent's never cared a lot about me, she does.
When I was a child I always used to sleep in her bed. I allways wanted to be on her side and spent the most time with her, and she was like a mother to me. I lived in her home and she teached me everything importand. She paid my food and my clothes and everything I need. Because my parents never had much money and also they didn't cared a lot about me or my sister either.
3 weeks ago I visted my aunt and she gets sick. At first she got a cold / chills / ague or something like this....
Next day, when I was back home my sister called me and told me our aunt is in hospital, because of her heart... She has a virus in her heart and so they need to take out her pacemaker she needs for her heart, because this thing seemed to be effected, too.
Now she is in hospital since 3 weeks and tomorrow she will get a new kind of pacemaker...
I hope so much everything will get better for her...
I am very very scared for her, because she seems to had too much stress. She had a stroke just 4 years ago. and two heart attacks in the past 20 years.
Also the doctors says now - it is something 'seriously'...
Never heard they told us something seriously before... What ever... Doesn't seems to be good :'(
She is 66 years old now... I hope she will get 100 or more....
So... Thats it.
Nice to talk to... Anyone <.<
Cause I feel like telling all this to - who ever would read this... <.<
As I tell, I feel lonely, so I need to tell it someone. So I chooced the FA journal. Maybe someone is interested how I feel, I though... And if not, doesn't matter at all...
I feel little bit bored right now, and I think I can write a little bit english again after some time. Need little bit more experience.. So... Diary - if you feel a mistake I write on you, please tell me.
Last two weeks (and about my time as a cleaner for a turk ô.O')
So, I had 2 weeks of practise in a little business of a dress maker or somethink similar... Someone who likes to make your pants smaller, thinner and shorter, if they don't fit you and so on. Hope ya know whatamean.
So I was very busy the last two weeks.
I wanted to learn something for my practise doing fursuit building.
But... Yeah...
I had to work monday to saturday, from 9:00am to 6:00pm... 6 days the week...
After all I was the german cleaner for a turk... *searching for an angry smiley but can't find something like this, so I decide to write something like... uhm...*: >
I had to clean his kitchen and the floor everyday...
All I could do was pening a lot of seams on pants....
Yeah, after all I don't like this job, because you can only learn here to do "changing dress maker" and not "really dress maker" ( the first one needs 2 years education, the second one needs 3 years. But for the second one you need to do the first one at first, and thats a lot too boring for me and a lot TOOO MUCH STRESS with all the consumers x.x - we had 1-3 costumers every 5th minutes!
Mrew, so much about the last 2 weeks....
Feelings right now
Something more to say, uhm, dunno...
Somehow I feel sad.
As sad as I feel my whoole life long. But I can't understand really why. I am never satisfied with myself somehow... I feel lonely, also though I have my boyfriend, but somehow, dunno, I feel lonely nevertheless as my life long... And just can't understand why...
Also I am thinking a lot about my past, the last years and all the people I knew and met and I lost.
Somehow, I wish I could forget the most of all these memories, nevermind if they are nice memories ore bad memories. All the happy and all the sad moments. I wish they could just dissapear out of my mind, because they have no sense at all I think, and they just aggravate me (what a word... just found it in the google translator *cough* ).
I don't feel worse than ever before I think. But I am neither really happy...
GOOOSH - people! Just make me happy! Doe SOMETHING! Dunno what! But I hate this black, dark, grey, sad, grumpy feeling without any matter -.-'
About the commissions:
- The YCH for Wolfsbeagle is ready, just need to ship
- the tail for Leitwolf is ready and paid. I will start with his feetpaws and handpaws as soon as I WILL HAVE NEW MATERIAL!!!
- Feetpaws for Akito are ready and need to be paid and shipped.
Next projects:
- Head for Streuni
- Tail for plague-angel
- Feetpaws and handpaws for Leitwolf
Commission problems about the DAMMIT MATERIIIAAALS!!!!! AND FU***NG MONEY F&AZ%$JE§S#
Yeah, I dunno if anybody is wondered why I don't seem to build any fursuit stuff at the moment...
For all the ones who didn't read my journal about the money problem --> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6121105/
I need 241€ for Fursuit building MATERIALS I need for the claws, molds, bases and pawpads...
Also I saw I need some more new black and white Luxury Shag fur.
Money problems
The employment exchange gives me about 340€ per month. I need to pay food for me or my pets, the cats or the dog, also sometimes bills of the veterinary and clothes or similar things for daily life. I also would need a mobile phone - my one is the old one of my sister and my mobile phone is 6 years old now... Also I would need a good camera for taking pictures of animals and fursuiters... and I would like to buy some shoes for the winther, cause my shores wich costs 10€ (about 15$) are always wet outside because of the rain - but nooo - I have no money for anything of this at all o__O - Because I always at first want to buy fursuit building materials! - I must be crazy, yes... But I hope I could get just some hundred euros for buying a new mobile phone or a camera or at least shoes :(
But at first I want to pay all the 300 or mor € back to my boyfriend he payd for me because of the Eurofurence, vehicle petrol or fuel and food...
Nonsmoker and no need of sleeping-pills anymore now :)
- Yeah, since may my pills for sleep are emty. Normally I would had need new oney, but I couldn't find a doctore who has space for new patients... Tjaja... Now I don't have any more pills and had no other way as stopping taking them... After 4 dammit struggleing hard weeks without much sleep and a lot of tears and dizzy in my head, the fight was over. Now I can sleep without any pills again :)
Also, because my boyfriend wouldn't accept in any way that I was smoker - I had no other choice as stopping smoking.
Since may now I didn't smoke any more. Think this is also a good thing :)
Normally that must spare me about 25€ per month... But somehow I can't see any of the money, I would normally had smoke <.<.... So... Don't spare much money though.
My lovely motheraunt is in hospital :'(
She is something like a mother for me, cause my parent's never cared a lot about me, she does.
When I was a child I always used to sleep in her bed. I allways wanted to be on her side and spent the most time with her, and she was like a mother to me. I lived in her home and she teached me everything importand. She paid my food and my clothes and everything I need. Because my parents never had much money and also they didn't cared a lot about me or my sister either.
3 weeks ago I visted my aunt and she gets sick. At first she got a cold / chills / ague or something like this....
Next day, when I was back home my sister called me and told me our aunt is in hospital, because of her heart... She has a virus in her heart and so they need to take out her pacemaker she needs for her heart, because this thing seemed to be effected, too.
Now she is in hospital since 3 weeks and tomorrow she will get a new kind of pacemaker...
I hope so much everything will get better for her...
I am very very scared for her, because she seems to had too much stress. She had a stroke just 4 years ago. and two heart attacks in the past 20 years.
Also the doctors says now - it is something 'seriously'...
Never heard they told us something seriously before... What ever... Doesn't seems to be good :'(
She is 66 years old now... I hope she will get 100 or more....
So... Thats it.
Nice to talk to... Anyone <.<
Cause I feel like telling all this to - who ever would read this... <.<
As I tell, I feel lonely, so I need to tell it someone. So I chooced the FA journal. Maybe someone is interested how I feel, I though... And if not, doesn't matter at all...
Also knowing that money problem... still having to buy so much things for my flat but... no money at all. I reduced smoking and eating so I can at least pay all my bill and have enough to drink.
Hope your motheraunt gets well soon.
*hugs you tightly*