All right, so lets get this out of the way. One, I am not angry that I lost and I am not opposed to seeing my character get beaten and dominated in fairly cruel or unusual ways. I don't care if Zavis is beaten, fucked, roped, pissed on or any of the other wide variety of ways to be defeated and humiliated. My gallery should attest to that even with a cursory glance. Yes there are streaks of wins but also streaks of losses. It just happens. I will say that the majority of my images where Zavis is dominated or loses are either decided via coin flip/dice roll, or based off an idea that I liked or enjoyed submitted by someone else that I decided to run with. The rest are either I felt like getting an image of that kind, a friend was doing a YCH image or they were given as gifts to others and I went with what I figured they would enjoy the most. Hell I can't recall the number of times I have given it to an artist or another author and just said, eh you pick I am good with either.

With that being said, I held the voting contest because I figured it would be a bit of fun to see which of us had the most popular characters/most active watchers kind of ordeal. I also put in a bit of a fun twist of if Zavis won he would not actually fuck the loser, but instead ride his dick to be a bit different then the normal outcome of these fight pictures and contests. If you don't believe me that is fine, but you can check with the artist and he will confirm what is up there.

This brings me to point two, while this was meant to be something fun, it quickly turned ugly for me due to a couple of things. I wasn't expecting a blow out victory, and in fact if you look at many of my earlier comments I was ribbing in good nature back and forth with those voting for and against me. However I noticed a trend that many folks I figured would back me were voting against me, and to make matters a bit worse, they were leaving comments that while I understand were meant in jest, they were quite explicit and rather hurtful. It is one thing to have someone vote against you, it is another to have them be a bit of a jerk about it. Now this started my downward turn in this contest and it reached a boiling point when I reached out to some of these folks and asked why they were voting against me and I received comments ranging from, I like to see you lose, to I wanted to be a dick, and just to fuck with you man. Now that hurt, like seriously. While I am ok with losing, occasionally I want to win and when I post voting contests, I want to fucking win. If I wanted more art of Zavis getting dominated I would just buy it. Instead I wanted to see if I could win with the support of the peoples and even if I lost, I figured those folks I talk with a lot and consider friends would rally to me and I could take some joy of the fact that well at least these folks stood by me.

Instead the folks I figured I could count on voted against me in droves, and like I said given the comments I really took it to heart. It really hurt. I figured I would have more support and what support I thought I would get, I didn't for the simple fact folks figured it would be funny to ruin my chance at winning. Well, I didn't find it particularly funny, nor did it really raise my spirits something I kind of needed at the time and still do to be perfectly honest.

I try not to let my real life drama impact my fuzzy life or my online stuff. But I will give you a bit of an idea. I work 60 plus hours a week and even when I don't work the job is constantly calling me to either come back and help, or to fix issues. Not a big deal really I like the fact I am that well thought of to come help, but it does get old. Combine that with the fact more and more of the slack is getting picked up by me I am reaching my limit as even on my days off I tend to have to go to work at least for a couple of hours to help get things settled for the day. At home I went from 2 roommates to 4 because of life issues and now money and cleaning have become major sources of drama due to X can't pay Y and agreed to do Z but is not and yada yada. Needless to say not a whole lot of peace at home. Now to add family drama, my sister has had to find a new place and I worry about her a lot and my mom has lost her job and I worry about her. My grandfather's mind is slipping and my grandmother on a few experimental pills for some very aggressive cancer and we are all worried about her over that. So I won't lie, I needed something fun to take my mind off all my real life drama, that is what the fuzzy is to me. So I took this whole thing way, way too seriously and it really hurt me.

Now most of the folks I have talked to have apologized because they did not know what I was going through and thought it to be a harmless prank and in truth it probably was, but it wasn't to me. I needed some kind of win in my life and this was taken from me without giving me a chance at it and that seriously sucked. Had I lost I would have been bummed sure, but I would still know I gave it a shot. Instead I felt massively betrayed because the folks I figured had my back did not because they wanted to play a joke on me instead. Not funny and not cool.

With all that being said, I won't lie, I know I am over reacting, I am smart enough to realize this, however just because I know something doesn't mean I don't want to be irrational about this. When my biggest outlet for stress becomes something that not only gives me more stress, but makes me feel worse then my real life, I just can't take it anymore. Shit is bad all around and I try to shoulder my own load and not dump on anyone else, however, this load has become too much to carry for me, so I am putting it down. I am not commissioning anything more of Zavis, or any of my main characters for a while, possibly not ever again. There might me some stuff trickling in from time to time, but I just kind of hate the characters now because of this and I have no desire to see them in anything new. To further this, no more free art to anyone. I just have no desire to be nice right now. Sorry, just the way I feel. Beyond that, I am pretty much putting a halt on rping on a whole. I don't like my current crop of characters so that gives me basically no reason to play them. I have a couple of ideas for some other projects as some of you might have noticed in the recent adoptable splurge, I think I am going to work on them for a while and see what happens, but the wrestling, domination, and general stuff you have been seeing, outside of the last of the recent commissions, probably on hold for the foreseeable future.

Now that that is out of the way, I feel a little bit better, and hopefully things will get better soon. Hope ya'll have a good evening and good night.