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23rd Birthday. woooo.... (bummer journal) D:
11 years ago
Sup!
My birthday is on Oct. 30th.
So yeah, thirty journals later and it is my birthday again. I thought I would make an update on my life so far. Last year I had started working at Walmart and since then I had a raise and recently a manager asked me if she had to give me a leadership role in Maintenance and I was like, "Are you talking about making me a manager, cause you must be crazy. I'm not even full-time, Kim." I've always kept a positive attitude around others, always smiling, communicated well with co-associates and managers and get along well with just about everyone, but she wasn't referring to making me a manager(she thought my comment was hilarious tho). She just wanted to give me permission to rule maintenance(which she was joking about as well). Things have been going well for me so far... I'm going to be at the gym now that I have a membership, but I'm nervous as hell and the guy and his wife who runs the gym are really great people. I'll be playing video games less, but it doesn't mean I don't miss them. My body has been showing progress, but I'm not pleased with it yet. "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"
I am not joining a band. I made up my mind and realized what music is to me, and it is more of a stress reliever or a detail in my life than a career or a hobby. I will say that spending time with a musician, who was once in a band, has taught me a visual on how song writing works and maybe something might be created by me someday, but I did it as a vent, not a hobby. I sing because I'm a song bird; I sing when I'm feeling well and happy.
I know I don't talk about this, ever, but my love life is non-existent. I've never been single this long since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in high school, and I guess it may be for a reason or maybe just cause I have been turning down relationships. Maybe the reason is that I've gained trust-issues from previous relationships, or I could be afraid to get into a relationship to be dumped and hurt again(which is highly, undoubtedly the reason), or I have completely lost libido... well, I sometimes see guys at Walmart who I can't stop looking at cause they're such eye-candy, but they are obviously taken, straight/homophobic-looking, and/or passing through for Bonaroo. I don't like being alone, but I feel safe alone. It drives me bat-shit crazy when I'm alone and I often find myself clinging to either Youtube or Facebook as a "source of socialization(which I realize isn't healthy)." For about a year, I've been learning how to love myself and(I won't lie) it has made me into a narcissistic, selfish ass-cunt. I still have the desire to help others who need it, but I have gained a couple points of prejudice. Sometimes when I see someone who can't help themselves, I turn away from them. I'm not sure if that is me being smart or a fuck face, but I tell myself it is survival instinct. Keeps me away from the Door to Insanity. I'd love to get into a relationship again, but it will take a certain kind of person who will impress me, like I'm a fucking princess of Walmart. *facepalms* I don't know when this person will show up, but every time I see happy couples, it sorta drains the "WHEEEEE," out of me. Like happy feelings just break off of me like giant, dead limbs from trees that land on your car and you are never going to get home. I'm obviously the sin of Envy and it makes me sad.
BUT, I do everything in my ability to block that out and look at what else is around... oh hey, BIG ZAM!
Anyways...
I will not be going to Fangcon, because they updated their website too late and I assumed they would have the con same date as the previous year, aaaaaaaand they change it last second. I try to do schedule-stuff ahead of time and I requested time off three months ahead of the con, so managers will be able to think of how to fit those days off in everyone else's schedules. If I wanted to know when a con was, I wouldn't look at its state's forum, I'd go to the official source, which would be their own website, but I guess maybe this con forgot it had its own website??? *shrugs* So I have to work on the days of the con, so I can't even visit. :( I'll miss a lot of people, let's just hope I can make it to FWA, cause a fur con seems to be like a furry holiday to me. One con a year, because A)Walmart. and B)money. I am starting to think I might wanna start buying lottery tickets. :/
I miss you all, I wish I could go to the very next con/ event going on, but I don't even get the weekends off the next two weeks. :(
Hope you guys stay safe and I'll see you when I do. <3
So yeah, thirty journals later and it is my birthday again. I thought I would make an update on my life so far. Last year I had started working at Walmart and since then I had a raise and recently a manager asked me if she had to give me a leadership role in Maintenance and I was like, "Are you talking about making me a manager, cause you must be crazy. I'm not even full-time, Kim." I've always kept a positive attitude around others, always smiling, communicated well with co-associates and managers and get along well with just about everyone, but she wasn't referring to making me a manager(she thought my comment was hilarious tho). She just wanted to give me permission to rule maintenance(which she was joking about as well). Things have been going well for me so far... I'm going to be at the gym now that I have a membership, but I'm nervous as hell and the guy and his wife who runs the gym are really great people. I'll be playing video games less, but it doesn't mean I don't miss them. My body has been showing progress, but I'm not pleased with it yet. "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"
I am not joining a band. I made up my mind and realized what music is to me, and it is more of a stress reliever or a detail in my life than a career or a hobby. I will say that spending time with a musician, who was once in a band, has taught me a visual on how song writing works and maybe something might be created by me someday, but I did it as a vent, not a hobby. I sing because I'm a song bird; I sing when I'm feeling well and happy.
I know I don't talk about this, ever, but my love life is non-existent. I've never been single this long since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in high school, and I guess it may be for a reason or maybe just cause I have been turning down relationships. Maybe the reason is that I've gained trust-issues from previous relationships, or I could be afraid to get into a relationship to be dumped and hurt again(which is highly, undoubtedly the reason), or I have completely lost libido... well, I sometimes see guys at Walmart who I can't stop looking at cause they're such eye-candy, but they are obviously taken, straight/homophobic-looking, and/or passing through for Bonaroo. I don't like being alone, but I feel safe alone. It drives me bat-shit crazy when I'm alone and I often find myself clinging to either Youtube or Facebook as a "source of socialization(which I realize isn't healthy)." For about a year, I've been learning how to love myself and(I won't lie) it has made me into a narcissistic, selfish ass-cunt. I still have the desire to help others who need it, but I have gained a couple points of prejudice. Sometimes when I see someone who can't help themselves, I turn away from them. I'm not sure if that is me being smart or a fuck face, but I tell myself it is survival instinct. Keeps me away from the Door to Insanity. I'd love to get into a relationship again, but it will take a certain kind of person who will impress me, like I'm a fucking princess of Walmart. *facepalms* I don't know when this person will show up, but every time I see happy couples, it sorta drains the "WHEEEEE," out of me. Like happy feelings just break off of me like giant, dead limbs from trees that land on your car and you are never going to get home. I'm obviously the sin of Envy and it makes me sad.
BUT, I do everything in my ability to block that out and look at what else is around... oh hey, BIG ZAM!
Anyways...
I will not be going to Fangcon, because they updated their website too late and I assumed they would have the con same date as the previous year, aaaaaaaand they change it last second. I try to do schedule-stuff ahead of time and I requested time off three months ahead of the con, so managers will be able to think of how to fit those days off in everyone else's schedules. If I wanted to know when a con was, I wouldn't look at its state's forum, I'd go to the official source, which would be their own website, but I guess maybe this con forgot it had its own website??? *shrugs* So I have to work on the days of the con, so I can't even visit. :( I'll miss a lot of people, let's just hope I can make it to FWA, cause a fur con seems to be like a furry holiday to me. One con a year, because A)Walmart. and B)money. I am starting to think I might wanna start buying lottery tickets. :/
I miss you all, I wish I could go to the very next con/ event going on, but I don't even get the weekends off the next two weeks. :(
Hope you guys stay safe and I'll see you when I do. <3
