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Why I'm not getting shit done.
11 years ago
AKA, I need to stop lying to myself.
I'm so sorry for flinging out my problems in these past journals... after this I'll post something lighter, or just not post anything related to my personal life and problems.
I have problems... everybody does, but only I can solve my own. Fact is... I'm lazy. I procrastinate. I have a severe lack of focus. I have a severe lack of motivation. I take the easy path and seek pleasure, instant gratification. It pains me so, so much to write these words out, but I feel it has to be done. Why do that long-overdue algebra homework when I could look at furry porn instead? Why draw, sketch, practice art when there's shit to build in Minecraft? I make excuses, I put things off, and when I face the reality that if I don't pick up my act... I shut down. I freeze up and become superglued to the bed I spend the majority of my days, every part of me screaming that it doesn't want to do it when my mind knows the consequences of failure. Is it even possible for me to pick myself up from this on my own? Maybe, but I have no clue how. It feels like an excuse to say that I need others' help to get out of this...
I want to make art for a living. I want to be able to exercise my creativity and make a living doing something I love. Or, loved. It's hard to tell if I love to do art anymore when I can't bring myself to even draw. I'm so paranoid that I'll end up not working for what I want and end up regretting it for the rest of my life. Every moment is a crossroads, and I'm making all the wrong choices at each one... My bad decisions are haunting me, the art I owe, even something I still owe from years back is haunting my conscience, yet I have not the sensibility to actually pay what I owe.
Once again, I'm so sorry for yet again put all my problems out there like this... Next journal, I'll do a meme or something, I don't know. If you've read this far and remotely care, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I'm so sorry for flinging out my problems in these past journals... after this I'll post something lighter, or just not post anything related to my personal life and problems.
I have problems... everybody does, but only I can solve my own. Fact is... I'm lazy. I procrastinate. I have a severe lack of focus. I have a severe lack of motivation. I take the easy path and seek pleasure, instant gratification. It pains me so, so much to write these words out, but I feel it has to be done. Why do that long-overdue algebra homework when I could look at furry porn instead? Why draw, sketch, practice art when there's shit to build in Minecraft? I make excuses, I put things off, and when I face the reality that if I don't pick up my act... I shut down. I freeze up and become superglued to the bed I spend the majority of my days, every part of me screaming that it doesn't want to do it when my mind knows the consequences of failure. Is it even possible for me to pick myself up from this on my own? Maybe, but I have no clue how. It feels like an excuse to say that I need others' help to get out of this...
I want to make art for a living. I want to be able to exercise my creativity and make a living doing something I love. Or, loved. It's hard to tell if I love to do art anymore when I can't bring myself to even draw. I'm so paranoid that I'll end up not working for what I want and end up regretting it for the rest of my life. Every moment is a crossroads, and I'm making all the wrong choices at each one... My bad decisions are haunting me, the art I owe, even something I still owe from years back is haunting my conscience, yet I have not the sensibility to actually pay what I owe.
Once again, I'm so sorry for yet again put all my problems out there like this... Next journal, I'll do a meme or something, I don't know. If you've read this far and remotely care, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You'll figure it out, you'll figure out how to turn this all around, you just have to take the first step, talk to yourself and figure out what that step is.