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Vixxy: '...find someone to love, promise me that.'
11 years ago
Working more on this fiction story I'm writing, I'm thinking about Ultra and Vixxy's back story, there is sentence that came to me during church service were Vixxy say's to Ultra.
"Promise me you'll love. Ultra, you need love, you hurt so much without it. If I we gone and you are alone, find someone to love, promise me that."
That sentence slapped me so hard, because in an essence it was like telling myself what is wrong with me and why I really can’t keep a long-term relationship.
My heart still remains with someone, but I thought about who. Who do I still have feelings for or who took my love that I can’t seem to get back.
To be fair, I really never had that many relationships and I can always think back to the people who I have been with.
Every one of those people I did love, but there was always something missing in each one of them, and I know what it was, it was me. I was always missing now that I think back, I always seemed to break away because I was always afraid to really and truly be in love. Ironically what started the whole thing was the actual true person who created Vixxy in the first place.
That devastation really lead me to hold back on really caring for someone, mind you this happened way back in my teen years and I had really fallen for this person since it was technically my fist time actually loving someone. Its been said that things that happen in your youth sometimes affects you as an adult. I can say that is true.
It is also true that Val was my first love, but all the while it was more a friendship love during that time. For Vix, it was something to hope for and to shoot for during that youthful time, sadly though the events that transpired lead to a deep depression and also is the reason why I can’t seem to “truly” let go and love someone whole.
At this point in my life, I can only ask for forgiveness for the people who I let down and disappointed; but I know thats not possible and its something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I can only try and follow my own advice or Vixxy’s advise to myself.
"Promise me you'll love. Ultra, you need love, you hurt so much without it. If I we gone and you are alone, find someone to love, promise me that."
That sentence slapped me so hard, because in an essence it was like telling myself what is wrong with me and why I really can’t keep a long-term relationship.
My heart still remains with someone, but I thought about who. Who do I still have feelings for or who took my love that I can’t seem to get back.
To be fair, I really never had that many relationships and I can always think back to the people who I have been with.
Every one of those people I did love, but there was always something missing in each one of them, and I know what it was, it was me. I was always missing now that I think back, I always seemed to break away because I was always afraid to really and truly be in love. Ironically what started the whole thing was the actual true person who created Vixxy in the first place.
That devastation really lead me to hold back on really caring for someone, mind you this happened way back in my teen years and I had really fallen for this person since it was technically my fist time actually loving someone. Its been said that things that happen in your youth sometimes affects you as an adult. I can say that is true.
It is also true that Val was my first love, but all the while it was more a friendship love during that time. For Vix, it was something to hope for and to shoot for during that youthful time, sadly though the events that transpired lead to a deep depression and also is the reason why I can’t seem to “truly” let go and love someone whole.
At this point in my life, I can only ask for forgiveness for the people who I let down and disappointed; but I know thats not possible and its something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I can only try and follow my own advice or Vixxy’s advise to myself.
