FA+
Shop
About people in need and manipulation.
11 years ago
Ive been having some thoughts lately and i would like to express some of them. A fellow of mine has been dealing with some housing issues. I will talk more about his plight in a separate journal so that this subject matter does not overshadow it. My problem is with something else.
Whenever someone is in need, whether it be concerning funds or a place to stay, and that someone overcoming pride and producing a journal asking for help when it is most needed, you always see random people making comments that are plainly unhelpful and borderline manipulative. Im talking about those people make comments like "Damn, i wish i could help" and "I would help if i could but i cant" or "hope you get some help". I understand that there are people who simply mean to offer morale support but it is slightly counterproductive. You are making comments and getting a person's hopes up that it might be a lead when it is really someone who simply wishes they could help but really cant do anything. It is sometimes manipulative because whenever artists are having a hard time and need some help, there is a whole flock of people who come along and make unnecessary comments that mostly suggest that that person wishes to win favor or brownie points with that person in order to maybe get close to that person and get free art. Would such a response be given to someone who produces no art? I highly doubt it. And this isn't a commentary about how artists gain widespread attention, this is about the motives of their followers.
It kind of reminds me of "Great Expectations" in which extended family members flock to a rich, old relative's house, giving her attention and expressing their great (although feigned) concern for her well being in order to gain favor with her so to maybe be written into her will.
Lets be honest here, even if you are sincere and really care for that person, your comments of hope and wishing-well are not going to do much. I suppose if you were religious you might say that praying works and i am not going to argue that but you don't really need to tell people that they are in your prayers because you are (at least according to the bible) not really supposed to bring attention your praying. I think instead of making comments like such, you should actually...you know...do something.
I understand what you are thinking. "But Nicholas, what can i do? I can neither offer money nor lodging. I am simply a lowly watcher/writer with nothing to offer." Well to that i say you are not trying very hard. Even if you are a watcher you might have a few followers and maybe you could produce a journal spreading the word that such person needs help. Anything helps. In fact that is a great idea. Instead of wishing you could do something, actually DO something. And when you actually do something, don't feel entitled like that person is indebted to you because you actually bothered to care about them. Do something because you want to help them, not because you want to gain something out of it. I know i might have engaged in such behavior before but i understand now that it is pointless to make comments on peoples In-Need journals when you have nothing to offer in order to gain some sort of reputation with said people.
So to sum it up, if someone needs help and publicly ask for it (via journal, which will imply that they are willing to let it be known that they are at the point to where they need to ask the community for help) then follow these easy to remember steps:
1: Do Not make a comment on their journal about how much you care and hope that things work out.
2:Go to your journals
3: Make a journal letting your followers know that someone you are acquainted with needs help
4: Post the journal
5: Move on
There, you actually did something. You may think it doesn't help and is even slightly more manipulative but at least this way you did something that could result in something actually happening.
I suppose maybe this is less a journal about a specific social phenomena and more an issue about doing things for the right reasons.
P.S. If you do wana express your support, do it in private because when you do it publicly, you look like a bleeding heart. Just be a good buddy and offer your ears.
Whenever someone is in need, whether it be concerning funds or a place to stay, and that someone overcoming pride and producing a journal asking for help when it is most needed, you always see random people making comments that are plainly unhelpful and borderline manipulative. Im talking about those people make comments like "Damn, i wish i could help" and "I would help if i could but i cant" or "hope you get some help". I understand that there are people who simply mean to offer morale support but it is slightly counterproductive. You are making comments and getting a person's hopes up that it might be a lead when it is really someone who simply wishes they could help but really cant do anything. It is sometimes manipulative because whenever artists are having a hard time and need some help, there is a whole flock of people who come along and make unnecessary comments that mostly suggest that that person wishes to win favor or brownie points with that person in order to maybe get close to that person and get free art. Would such a response be given to someone who produces no art? I highly doubt it. And this isn't a commentary about how artists gain widespread attention, this is about the motives of their followers.
It kind of reminds me of "Great Expectations" in which extended family members flock to a rich, old relative's house, giving her attention and expressing their great (although feigned) concern for her well being in order to gain favor with her so to maybe be written into her will.
Lets be honest here, even if you are sincere and really care for that person, your comments of hope and wishing-well are not going to do much. I suppose if you were religious you might say that praying works and i am not going to argue that but you don't really need to tell people that they are in your prayers because you are (at least according to the bible) not really supposed to bring attention your praying. I think instead of making comments like such, you should actually...you know...do something.
I understand what you are thinking. "But Nicholas, what can i do? I can neither offer money nor lodging. I am simply a lowly watcher/writer with nothing to offer." Well to that i say you are not trying very hard. Even if you are a watcher you might have a few followers and maybe you could produce a journal spreading the word that such person needs help. Anything helps. In fact that is a great idea. Instead of wishing you could do something, actually DO something. And when you actually do something, don't feel entitled like that person is indebted to you because you actually bothered to care about them. Do something because you want to help them, not because you want to gain something out of it. I know i might have engaged in such behavior before but i understand now that it is pointless to make comments on peoples In-Need journals when you have nothing to offer in order to gain some sort of reputation with said people.
So to sum it up, if someone needs help and publicly ask for it (via journal, which will imply that they are willing to let it be known that they are at the point to where they need to ask the community for help) then follow these easy to remember steps:
1: Do Not make a comment on their journal about how much you care and hope that things work out.
2:Go to your journals
3: Make a journal letting your followers know that someone you are acquainted with needs help
4: Post the journal
5: Move on
There, you actually did something. You may think it doesn't help and is even slightly more manipulative but at least this way you did something that could result in something actually happening.
I suppose maybe this is less a journal about a specific social phenomena and more an issue about doing things for the right reasons.
P.S. If you do wana express your support, do it in private because when you do it publicly, you look like a bleeding heart. Just be a good buddy and offer your ears.
I agree that the journal thing is a good idea if the person is ok with it. However I think the wish you luck part being good or bad depends on the person. I've seen artists that would go berserk over that kind of stuff and artists that would appreciate the gesture as the genuine ones are a sign that they have fans that view them as more than just a source of art, and while they cant assist them financially they don't want to completely ignore the persons plight. Its really a matter of doing your homework if you know them to be the kind of artist that post journals ranting about people who post stuff like that then don't stick your head in the lions mouth, if you know them to be the kind of artist that posts journals thanking their viewers for the support then maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to offer a gesture like that as well as an offer to spread the word. If your not sure either way just stick to an offer of a journal spreading the word. I will say though that I think "wish I could help" is a stupid thing to say either way because it basically says that you don't think saying it will do anything for person even on a "I care" level.