I have finally recovered just enough to type out a huge update on life. In the beginning of October, my parents and I went on vacation to China for 2 weeks. It was definitely an experience and I had a number of culture shocks. I have learned that Canada is a great place to live. Well, onto the vacation report.

The trip started out at my parents' place after I had gone home after work that day. My mom was less than impressed about me coming home a day late, but all is well. We did some last minute packing and had a good night's sleep. We woke up at a decent time and headed to the airport and flew to Vancouver. We had our last Canadian meal there of A&W before boarding the flight to Beijing. I brought a lot of things to entertain myself, but I never knew how excruciating it is to be sardined into a plane for 11 hours. I followed my doctor's advice and walked around the plane every 2 hours. Unfortunately, I'm one of the larger people on the plane and my stumbling around resulted in waking up a few people and one crying baby. Fortunately, thanks to new technology, I could choose my own movies. I started out with Divergent since at least it had action. The meal was served and...what is wrong with that bread? I didn't know bread could slough! I choked down the chicken and rice. Fortunately, both my parents despise yogurt, so I had 3 cups of those. Afterwards, I played Pokemon, and decided to watch another movie. With limited choices, I settled for Captain America. Oh, eye candy...during the movie, another meal was served and again, I ate 3 cups of yogurt. The flight landed just when things were getting really exciting on that movie though. Now, service on the Air China flight was definitely lacking. I would expect that if you're flying out of an English speaking country that you would understand the English terms for things. I asked the attendant for some water. She gave me a cup of warm water. I really didn't want anything warm seeing how my mouth was dryer than a desert so I placed the water aside and asked for the attendant again. This time I asked for cold water. She provides me with the cup in her hand of another warm water. I repeat "COLD water", which she interpreted it to "coke". Well, at least it was something cold, but did she really have to throw it onto my tray table?

We land in Beijing and go through all the customs stuff. Apparently, we are referred to as aliens and have to check in to any hotel with our passports. Ok, Chinese government, whatever fills your time. Well, here is the first culture shock. You know the stereotype of Asians being bad drivers? I could see why! We try to cross the little road to our taxi and I watched my dad nearly get hit by a car. No yielding or braking whatsoever. We get into the taxi and drive 2 hours to our hotel (Beijing is THAT big). All the while, I felt like I was IN an episode of Canada's Worst Driver, except it's called China's Typical Driver. The lane markers are a loose guideline, despite being a foot wider than Canada or USA. Signalling is only used when you intentionally cut someone off. The mirrors are a fancy schmancy decoration. To top it off, our driver missed a turn to the hotel and reversed on the freeway. We spend the night at the fancy hotel. In there I get another oddity of travelling. In order to have electricity, you have to stick your room card into the slot in the room. This I to save electricity. It's a great concept...not so great in practice. Our mini fridge did not keep running when we pulled that key. My mother is on insulin...


The next day, we met up with our tour and went to the Great Wall. Now, that was a sight that was worth seeing. I will also note that we arrived in China at an optimal time. The Chinese have a few day long celebration for the country's birthday. This means that the factories are shut down for a few days. So, we were able to visit the Great Wall with blue skies. Now, We got off the bus (after an hour 45 min ride) and was suggested we go to the washroom. Um...I smelt a lot of horrid things in my life as a vet tech. NOTHING compared to the smell of the washroom there. I took a step in, breathed and was IMMEDIATELY outta there. No worries, I didn't drink much for breakfast. We were released to ascend the wall as we chose. Ok...it looks like a leisurely stroll on pictures, right? Oh my god, totally wrong. It was the scariest stair master I've ever been on. First, there's tons of stairs. Second, the Chinese apparently have tiny feet that are much smaller than a woman's size 9.5s, Third, they were uneven. One step could be knee level, the next barely existent. We made up to the 2nd tower and halfway up to 3rd and said "screw it". I was definitely feeling that burn in my thighs.
We went to look at jade next at the same factory that designed and made the Beijing 2008 medals. It was really cool to see their speciality of Happiness Balls. I didn't understand a word on that tour but at least there was some English to read. Then the gift shop where I got a taste of how dangerous me as a banana was. So, the Chinese were charged less for the gifts than the Caucasian tour after us. My parents had just finished negotiating with the sales clerk when an English guy came up and asked the price of a ball. The sales clerk pretty much screamed at my mom to not tell them any prices and to shut me up. What he didn't realize was that there was a sign with the prices right there that I was reading out to the English.
Then it was off to the reflexology clinic where we got our feet massaged and pressured into buying expensive meds. I was glad for the fact I don't understand Chinese, but it made things very awkward for the student that was rubbing my foot. Finally, we had someone translate. In which two questions were asked in this order "are you single?" and "How old are you?". Hearing that I was 24 made the guy go quiet and finish my massage in record pace
We went to a kung fu show next featuring furries...cool kung fu moves. I was a little creeped out by the pandas
We were dropped off at the mall and night market for food. It was recommended we try the Japanese restaurant. My mom didn't feel much like Japanese so we looked around. We checked the night market where we were told not to eat anything for we would regret the consequences. So after an hour and a half of wandering around, we settled on KFC. Chicken tasted the same, fries were like McDs

The next day was some more sight seeing. The factories had opened up, making the air smoggy again. summer palace was cool. And my kidneys began hurting. Now, culture shock two. Squat toilets. I figure it would be like peeing by a tree, it was seriously not. I couldn't even squeeze a drop out. It also didn't help that I was definitely feeling that Great Wall in my thighs. So, that left the option of not peeing for most of the day. Fortunately, near the end of that mess, my mom figured out the fact that handicapped people can't use squat toilets, and thus, I was SAVED! Since we're on the subject of washrooms, I should also mention China's paranoia about toilet paper. It is not provided. Carrying around is roll is also a bit cumbersome so, facial tissue was used to wipe. There is also one more detail that I will not mention in fears that someone reading this happens to be eating. Next is the lack of paper towels and proper hand drying mechanisms. Whenever there are paper towels, I am usually the one leaping to grab one. I have gotten glares but one incident stands out where the custodian actually stopped my from using the paper towel! She saw me reaching for the paper towel, yelled something in Chinese, pushed my wrists away from the towel and proceeded to push me to the not working blow dryer. The heck?! We also went to the silk factory where I got my own private tour. Our tour guide felt very bad for me and ordered an English speaking guide for me. I was quite delighted until the sale pressure started. Then, I just simply said that my wallet is with my mom and she put me in the corner with the tea and left me alone. Then the jewellery store where we learned more about jade. The jeweller really knew how to sell stuff. I think he actually made a couple have a very fat credit card bill by the end of the night. At dinner, the female was giddy, the male, not so much.

Last day in Beijing. I was transferred to the English tour for the day as we combined with them for the day. Talk about RELIEF! My mom and I were delighted. I was finally able to talk to people. We went to Tienanmen Square and Forbidden City. There is a reason why it's still called a city. Walking straight across it took 2.5 hours. I was semi looking forward to being able to go into Mao's Mausoleum only to find out it wasn't included in the tour. My mom was confused. My dad asked the tour guide if we could just take a taxi down just so I could look at the body. The answer was Sure, but you'll be in line for 4 hours but it's free. We finished that leg of the tour and heading off to lunch. Now, culture shock 3. What the Chinese eat...I saw a roasted chameleons and some FRESH scorpions on a stick! Lucky it was a street vendor and even I didn't want to sample that!
Next stop was the tea store. This is where things (unbeknownst to me) got a little hairy with the fact that I insisted on being in the English tour. the tour guide was concerned that now that I understood what was going on that I would start convincing people OUT of buying stuff. He told my mom "Oh, she shouldn't be staying with the English so much" My mom retorts with "You want me to go in there and drag her out? Then she'll be bored and be obnoxious". The tour guide conceded. Contrary to his belief, I actually helped the sales...to an extent. The English tour finished way before the Chinese did so after waiting half an hour, I snuck into the Chinese room and asked my mom to update me. I realized that they were cheating the Chinese! I tell my mom the English prices (1/3), and she is floored. At this point, someone from the Chinese tour realized that she couldn't walk after falling at the Temple of Heaven earlier. The poor woman was almost in tears realizing she'd have to climb down stairs to get out of the building. After a decision was made on taking a taxi, the woman began to wail. I stepped in and calmed her down and her husband and I helped her walk to the taxi. This is when language barriers play. There are 2 tour guides this day. One Chinese and one English. The English one was elected to go with the lady to the hospital. Her and I talked at the Temple of Heaven when she asked why I was separated from my parents. She sees me supporting the woman, named Iris, and thinks that's my mom. At this point, I'm just chilling and daydreaming when my mom snaps me out by saying (in Chinese) "You guys can go where ever you want, just give me back my daughter!" and grabs my arm and starts pulling me. I rock a little but nearly tip over Iris. The tour guide asks "who is your mother?" I point at my mom with my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. The tour guide then says "Ok, so you're not going with them?" Both women scream "no" and my mom starts tugging me harder. We get that sorted out and head to dinner where I have the worst Peking Duck I've ever had (despite being in Peking).
Next was the musical show thingy. AMAZING show. Great story, great dancing and even special effects where they turn the stage into a giant waterfall to imitate flooding.


The next day was leaving Beijing and going to Xi'an. The flight was short and I looked down and saw farmland. I was excited for that. We landed and met a wonderful couple name Sam and Jade (Sam is female and Jade is male). Even better was that Jade was a banana like me. We were released to find food on our own. We were left with pretty much 2 options. hotel restaurant of eating the same stuff or Chinese fast food. We elected fast food. Now here is the fun part. It looked like a McD. the menu ain't McD. The "burger" was a Xi'an speciality bun sandwiching pulled pork and chicken. The fries were replaced with noodles. Those hit the spot perfectly and we ate, then came down in two hours to top up.
At last, we were to finally see the Terra Cotta soldiers. The wait was excruciating seeing how someone who joined our tour that day decided to forget his camera on the bus, hold everyone back as he runs to get it, gets lost on the way back to the bus and decides (after 45 minutes) that he gives up on the camera! Then we had to stare at the model of Xi'an and finally the soldiers. I race in and freeze as the sight beholds me. That's a lot of fucking clay soldiers...In order to get a good pic, I realized that the lineup was like a gumball machine. I'm also bigger than everyone else. I also handled for the MMPR team for Power Morphicon. Quite a few people got some bruised heads. Hey, when in China, do as the Chinese do...but better! Once that was done, we crossed the market and left. Culture shock 4. Ever seen a Chow chow rug? how about a Samoyed? or perhaps can I interest you in a kitty scarf.
We then made the long drive to Huashan. Now for tidbit time again. Everyone hears of the smog and air quality in China. Xian was worse than Beijing at the time. I was getting pretty sick at this point. My throat was on fire and my coughing became constant. By the time I came back to Canada, my coughing got so severe that it became a pretty bad infection which required me to be on some tough antibiotics. We arrived at Huashan, which to my absolute devastation, turned out to be a town right by an electric plant that burned coal. At this point, I was so sick, I lost my appetite and refused to eat anything. And well, the hotel was not exactly great despite being the best on in Huashan. the shower is the nozzle on the wall and a drain on the floor. No walls, anything. The water was piss warm and I flooded the bathroom with it. But at least it had a sit down toilet.
The next day, we went to the actual mountain. As we climbed, the air got cleaner. The roads were also a bit sketchy but I thought of Grael and he would've loved to drive that. We got to the top by cable car and HALLELUJAH! I CAN BREATHE AGAIN! to anyone who plays World of Warcraft, you should appreciate the amazing work Blizzard did on Mists of Pandaria. I was not in reality there. I was able to climb a good chink of those stairs and I felt like I was IN that game. It was surreal. I climbed the mountain happily and exhausted my old old parents. But they were happy to have me feeling better, so they went along with it until my dad just couldn't take anymore. I regained my appetite and back to Xian
We then went back to Xian and had their speciality for dinner...which were dumplings. 26 different type of dumplings. Some disgusting, some mind blowing. Before that, we were given this warm beverage. And I found out the hard way that there was only one glass of coke per person...(water is not typically provided at dinners in China). Then we waited for the dinner show and I found out what the warm beverage was...Sake. And I had drank it before eating anything. Things were a bit blurry...
The rest of the tour was very uninteresting. We went to another jeweller to look as Jade...then we went to a Jade museum. Then a silk factory where I got some silk sheets for a bloody good deal thanks to Sam negotiating rather beautifully.
It was finally time to leave Xian and off to Shanghai. We got separated from Sam and Jade before we could say our goodbyes. I'm very disappointed in that since they were the best people on the tour I've met.


The Shanghai tour was much larger. We met a couple from Toronto...who looked like another couple from Toronto...After checking into the hotel (Which was really nice) we took a taxi and went to get some famous dumplings. Admittedly, the steamed ones were moderately good seeing how they were made from crab and I kept getting the bad luck piece with carapace in it. the fried ones were mind blowing good. We finished up, and went to the Times Square of Shanghai. We spent a good chunk of time in the M&M store. I wanted to go to it in Las Vegas but we couldn't find parking. It was a really wacky store with the Great Wall of Chocolate. The M&M characters were dressed up in costumes. Eee so cute!

The Shanghai tour consisted of travelling to towns surrounding it. Some places were awesome, other places not so much. At this point, my appetite was spotty. I was sick of the same thing 2 meals a day. Our table mates empathized and many had banana children. The smog was still bad but more tolerable than the last two places. I was able to not have throat pain, but the coughing had gotten worse. I couldn't sleep the last 4 nights in Shanghai as I was kept up by my own coughing. We looked at jade three more bloody freaking times. I really don't want to hear anything more about that darn rock. The best part was the tea farm. It was beautiful and there were sit down toilets (at this point, I judge place is judged by the toilets). Finally, at last, it was proposed that we eat noodles rather than the usual. I heard some people protest, but they were shut up when they realized that it's a chance for me to finally eat more than 2 bowls of rice a day. The noodles were great compared to what we've had lately. Ok, so, breakfast since I've only mentioned two meals so far. Breakfast is eaten at the hotel we're staying at. It varies what we get. Sadly, breakfast was 90% the only full meal that I would eat a day. What I found in Shanghai was that eating breakfast was like competing with locusts. You better not be late, otherwise you get nothing. And food that fits me were pretty sought after. I attacked someone over hashbrowns once. She was reaching for the last four despite having a few on her plate. I ran up to her, grabbed the tongs, smacked her hands away and took the hashbrowns. My dad was choosing a bun and someone came up behind him and snatched one. So, I was competitive with hashbrowns in particular as chicken sausages are gross.
We returned to Shanghai on the last day. We were released to get something to eat. Our family ate with a couple from Australia to get dumplings. They weren't as good as the first night, but they hit the spot perfectly. The noodles did as well. For the first time in days I felt full.


On our return to Canada, things were eventful. We got to the Pudong Airport at 9am for our noon flight. We were told our flight was rebooked to a flight in the Hongqiao airport. We asked how long the drive would be...2 hours. After a freak out we hail down a taxi and tell him the situation. I don't know whether or not to be terrified or amazed. We got there in 45 minutes...Lane straddling and inappropriate passing in the package. We fly and land in Beijing. We deplane outside and the smog was unholy. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest holding a pillow over my face.
Quickly, we boarded and flew back to Vancouver and Canada at last.
Things were so beautiful in Vancouver. My mom and I threw our bags at my dad and raced into the bathroom. Nothing has looked so beautiful in my life, smelled so beautiful in my life. Asswipe, GLORIOUS ASS WIPE! Proper hand drying mechanisms! OH! Yes, it was good to be back. And then I smelled sandwiches toasting and immediately started salivating. We head to Tim Hortons and low and behold, cream of potato bacon soup! Ok, well, not the best thing ever since I was so elated at having a delicious soup, that I burnt my entire mouth. Ooops.


Life has since kind of returned to normal. I'm still feeling the jet lag. I just finished my course of antibiotics so I have stopped coughing. I have also found that I have a bit of an aversion to rice that Grael's mom makes. Sorry, but rice should be plain and eaten in moderation. I miss the vegetation in China. The stuff in Canada is actually kinda bland. Pine trees are cool, but not as cool as some of the trees in China. It's kind of barren and yellow in Canada. I miss the green rolling hills. I miss the Chinese snacks that were delicious. The unique flavour oreos are good but no one eats them here...Most of all, I miss those mind blowing dumplings.

Work has been good. There are moments were I'm not happy, and other moments where I'm elated. Example, this month, I'm working every weekend. But, within my first week back, I was in reception, and received a cat that was apparently having problems breathing. I rushed it back where we found it not only was not breathing, but dead. I got permission to do CPR and a cat that came in DOA was hospitalized alive. I fortunately over fed it that night.