Hey everyone. thanks for reading this. I really need to get this out. talking usually sucks cause i cant speak well for shit.

I am in a very stressful situation, its just kind of a hodge podge of diffrent situations. my boyfriend and mum hate eachother and we all live together. my job is usually awful. i still cant find a job as a medical assistant. in the most recent column is an issue with my shoulder.

I'm pretty sure its tendonitis. the doctor i went to see today didn't really say. He prescribed me prednisone and hydrocodine to try and fix it up with rest. But this is the third week into the injury. i already had to miss several days of work hoping that the problem would fix itself if i just rested it with some ibuprofen and an arm sling.

so i missed a ton of work and the doctor says i cant work the rest of this week. Now my past paycheck got destroyed by a large bill. and now im going into this coming week where my first student loan repayment starts up. this check is severely low and the coming one in two wednesdays is gonna be light a weeks worth of work aswell.

The lack of money and stress is fucking killing me. oh and the best part. the insanely stupid rat brain thing that i knew would happen if i went to a doctor would happen happened. My blissful ignorance of how unhealthy i am has been shattered. My blood pressure is, quite high. Which has a very direct correlation to my diabetes. THinking on it now im kind of pissed off the doc didnt prescribe me any hypertension medication when i went in. but yeah. im stressed, im terrified, im sad, and im angry. why hasn't my head exploded yet.

But knowing is half the battle they say. its all well and good to know what i need to do. But how do i fight the years of slothfulness and cynasism? it brings me to tears thinking about whats going to happen to me if i dont get my shit together. or if its already too late.

so yeah, i can't even remember if thats all the stuff im currently hyperventilating about. but its more of the major stuff.

Please comment. words of encouragement or a simple "that's shitty" will help me feel a bit better.

So as you might guess from the above im pressing for getting some commissions. ten bucks per 1500 words. I need something to do while im layed up. and it would be much appriciated. I also do some art note if interested. here's a journal with more detailed info. https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6101910/

and a very public apology to i owe him a comission that is months overdue. it shall be done within the next few days no charge. I am very sorry.