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always misunderstood, alone in the dark "Reasons Unknown"
11 years ago
I feel people as if people don't and will never understand.
I sound vague to most and I feel like an outcast.
When I interact with people and happen to say something out of context of which no one understands, their emotions may vary to what I say, I usually don't mean
they either get mad, upset, scared,or weird-ed out by.
It makes me feel bad and I don't know how to handle it. (I always knew I was different) I just don't think no one will ever understand me and the perspectives of the way I see things.
Guess I fail at people trying to understand me.
I'm experiencing an internal conflict within myself with another presence. Deep in the pit of my soul, I feel an entity within myself. One full of hatred and anger. I've kept it with me for so many year. (caused by all the sh*t I've dealt with the majority of my life) just bottle inside, waiting to explode in a resonance of fury.
(I am scared of it)
I feel like some sort of evil presence waiting to get out the moment I lose my sanity and remorse for every I love, inspire, and my humanity.
For me, it's like killing many of the people I dislike or have done me me wrong from the past up till now.
It hurts me. "I FEEL LIKE A BEAST" trapped within a cage of an alternate side of me.
I'm enraged, angry, blind, and EVIL. Blind for what I once stood for that gives me a purpose to live and do right.
I just Want to rip the evilness out myself, but I know life doesn't work that way.
I know I'll never be perfect. Confronting this anger is what I think will help me, hopefully.
I wish for this not to happen to me and will do everything in my power to keep it contained.
The experience I have obtained throughout my life defines me. That is why I have to keep it locked away in me.
I have to come to terms with it.
(I'm scared, I may lose myself being swallowed by a new personality) That it may eventually change me.
I wish not to sound like this, but that is how I fell deep down. Ready to break free without a care in this world we all live in.
I have happy moments, but I never really feel truly happy.
thank you, to all the people whom I've met on this site even from the beginning up to now.
I apologize if you don't understand me.
Halo - Olah
I sound vague to most and I feel like an outcast.
When I interact with people and happen to say something out of context of which no one understands, their emotions may vary to what I say, I usually don't mean
they either get mad, upset, scared,or weird-ed out by.
It makes me feel bad and I don't know how to handle it. (I always knew I was different) I just don't think no one will ever understand me and the perspectives of the way I see things.
Guess I fail at people trying to understand me.
I'm experiencing an internal conflict within myself with another presence. Deep in the pit of my soul, I feel an entity within myself. One full of hatred and anger. I've kept it with me for so many year. (caused by all the sh*t I've dealt with the majority of my life) just bottle inside, waiting to explode in a resonance of fury.
(I am scared of it)
I feel like some sort of evil presence waiting to get out the moment I lose my sanity and remorse for every I love, inspire, and my humanity.
For me, it's like killing many of the people I dislike or have done me me wrong from the past up till now.
It hurts me. "I FEEL LIKE A BEAST" trapped within a cage of an alternate side of me.
I'm enraged, angry, blind, and EVIL. Blind for what I once stood for that gives me a purpose to live and do right.
I just Want to rip the evilness out myself, but I know life doesn't work that way.
I know I'll never be perfect. Confronting this anger is what I think will help me, hopefully.
I wish for this not to happen to me and will do everything in my power to keep it contained.
The experience I have obtained throughout my life defines me. That is why I have to keep it locked away in me.
I have to come to terms with it.
(I'm scared, I may lose myself being swallowed by a new personality) That it may eventually change me.
I wish not to sound like this, but that is how I fell deep down. Ready to break free without a care in this world we all live in.
I have happy moments, but I never really feel truly happy.
thank you, to all the people whom I've met on this site even from the beginning up to now.
I apologize if you don't understand me.
Halo - Olah
I have gone through what you describe and still I experience a similar situation :/
You think maybe you want to talk about it?
I'd hate to say anything that'll make me seem like a bad person in your perspective.
I'm scared of what I might do when I'm enraged. (I never put my hands on anyone)
I never take my anger out on anything
Some how, I have great increase in strength (the reason why I try to keep it under control)
I appreciate your concern, hope to find a solution.
I have a lot of resentment built up towards certain individuals in my life because of some selfish decisions they have made, and it's something i don't think can go away unless i lash out at them (not in a complete spiteful manner, but i want to yell at them for their mistakes; i feel it's the on;y way i can close that book). That being said, i do bury my own anger sometimes, but then it just builds up to this point where i crack and then i'm depressed for sometime. It's a vicious cycle that i've created for myself and i hate it, but i dunno where to take it from here.
As much as i may not understand your full issue, we can talk about it and possibly help each other out.
the pain I feel is spiritual. It hurts ( I never really tried to release my anger on anything)
I can try, and I somewhat understand your cycle as well.
(I try to control thought of on seriously hurting or killing) I very much dislike it.
maybe we can help each other out.
thanks for your concern.
I just don't know how much monster I am.
I appreciate your words.