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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
11 years ago
General
Pretty much sums up MFF 2014. In one sentence. Except the message isn't "Happy Birthday" for those who get the reference. So many mixed emotions and feelings of what led up to, during and after the con that its really hard to put into words. But I feel I should get it off my chest and atleast try to put it on paper.
Going into the con to start with I was on the fence about continuing to be staff there. I have so many things going on, namely being a board member/community lead for
mnfurs that trying to switch tracks between the two has been increasingly difficult. When MNFurs was not incorporated and I was just helping out it was a lot easier to say that MFF was my one big commitment in the Furry Fandom,
I went into the con rushed. Not as prepared as I should have been. I didn't pay as much attention to details and most while very minor did make some headaches and some of Gaming panelists upset and left out of the Programming guide. It wasn't 100% my fault but its something that could have been prevented had I been more solely dedicated to the con. I wasn't able to attend as many meetings, even in an online fashion and double check my work after it had been submitted.
The first bad omen came as we were getting to Chicago. We took a longer lunch and paid for it in the form of being stuck in Chicago Traffic for an hour and a half in spite of taking side streets. It wasn't the latest I had gotten to MFF on Thurs night but it was close.
Fri morning I handled a few fires, nothing too major. We had extra time to set up video games which helped a lot. We opened Video Games on time for the first time in well... ever with Zero equipment problems. Which in itself was amazing.
Overall, gaming ran a lot smoother then I expected throughout Friday and Sat with the exception of a few disgruntled GMs who still managed to find people for their games. We were busy. Well attended. The flow for both Video games and board games while it had its peaks and valleys was pretty steady and we made good use out of the space we had.
Then the Terrorist attack hit. It's being regarded as a Terrorist attack and by every definition it was one. Someone released concentrated doses of Chlorine type gasses in one of the stairwells which was in lethal levels on the top few floors but flooded the whole main tower.
I was on my way to the dance with my video camera in hand to take a break for an hour before I closed down the rest of gaming. I had just gotten video games shut down and all that was left was CaH, Werewolf and the open Board Game room which I'd swing back to at 2. I was on the upper main lobby, right next to the escalators when I smelled a foul odor. Seconds later the fire alarms went off.
I was among the first to be outside. I had nothing but a t-shirt on. I was very worried that the con crud I was starting to get would be worsened by my exposure to the cold.
We were ushered inside the Rosemont convention center for shelter once they had surmised it would take hours to clear the hotel and that this was most defiantly NOT a drill nor an accidently pulled alarm.
I was unfortunate enough to have had a Staff Radio on me at the time. We were instructed not to use them during emergencies (unless it was an emergency). I wasn’t trained in emergency procedures. Everyone looked at me because I had a radio and I was in shock. I had no idea what to do.
Halfway through the night the staff who were on radio or nearby someone with one were instructed to form a line to control the crowd in the back half of the Convention Center hall. I was one of those in the line.
I was standing on the other side of thousands of disoriented, tired, confused, shocked and even some Angry people. I thought that the whole thing was going to erupt into a Riot. My faith in Humanity was restored some when it did not, and the few who were demanding did not stir the crowd into a panic.
The hotel let us back in somewhere around 4:30. Most of my staff beat me to the convention space so the rooms were all locked and secured before I got there. I told my staff to get a few extra hours of sleep – their sanity was more important then getting things open at the crack of dawn.
Sunday board games still opened on-time due to one of my board games staff not being able to sleep. Video Games opened a little late at the time we had discussed earlier.
I was tired, still in shock. Luckily everything ran smoothly in gaming on Sunday mostly on Autopilot. I tried to get some video and photos but my heart just wasn’t there. Closing Ceremonies was very emotional for every staff member who was there including myself. I was given a plaque with my name on it from the Programming director – in truth I believe that EVERY member of MFF staff deserved one this year…
I went to sleep at 12:30 on Sunday night, exhausted and at the peak of my cold, which is the earliest I have ever gone to bed at a Convention.
We said our goodbyes on Monday. I could not find any of the MFF staff who either worked under my department or with me (IE Programming) on the way out to say goodbye or thanks to.
The staff of MFF both from the Gaming Department and just staff in general did an amazing job. I am still in shock with how well these people handled themselves in the face of adversity and Terrorism and most of them handled it a lot better then I did. I just became a rank and file zombie because its all I could manage to do to avoid falling apart on that night….
This is, However not the end of the story. As much as it should have been. I was prepared to leave all this behind me on the long drive home.
On our last stop an hour and a half out from the Twin Cities,
innouva took a nasty fall on a patch of ice and cut open part of his chin. I was once again thrown into shock when it happened as I watched him fall and slide on the asphalt.
Luckily, a first responder EMT was right there pulling into the gas station as it happened. He was handling the situation before I could dial 911.
They got Innouva to the hospital which was a mile down the street, and everyone else riding in my car got to wait 3-4 hours in the hospital for him to get patched up. All things considered it could have been MUCH MUCH worse. I am very relieved that he is going to be OK.
I got home about 4am when I should have been rolling in around 11 when everything was all said and done. I stayed up for the next three hours talking to a few of my insomniac friends who were still up to keep me awake so I could call in sick to work this morning. I crashed after harder then I have since the incident where I was up for 25 hours driving from Oklahoma and back in 2005.
With the rest I got today, my cold is going away, as is the stress from a weekend that is unlikely to be topped for level of Crisis for me in my entire life.
I also got a glimpse of the Journey ahead today at dinner. I have been hiding in the shadows of the Fandom from my family for well over a decade. I’ve skirted around it, to the side. Said I went to “gaming conventions” which started out as a half truth with MFF because I run their gaming department. It was an easy story to fake.
While my likeness was not on the news… my mom managed to put two and two together. She brought the Furry thing up, directly to me saying she knew I took photos at Furry Conventions and gatherings. She asked if I was at the convention where the attack happened. I skirted the question with one final white lie saying that I was at one of the overflow hotels across the street. I was too tired, too exhausted to spill out the truth at that time…
I am… not 100% sure yet how she found this out. I don’t even know how long she has known. I may have been editing photos and not watched my back as she walked in.
Needless to say… my involvement with the Furry fandom both within the fandom and publically IE family is about to change forever. Where this will go… I am unsure.
There are some things that from this weekend I need to leave behind and move on from, others I need to Learn from, and some that will oddly enough open a lot of new doors. I was forced to face some demons this weekend, but I survived. And I will be forced to face a few, namely a very big one soon.
But it was inevitable. This weekend brought out the very best and the very worst in the Fandom to me. The best however far far outweighs the worst.
This weekend showed me that in the the darkest hour, there is no where I’d rather be then surrounded by my fellow friends, associates and yes FURRIES. Because as “weird” as we are. As strange as we are. As many drunks as we have – we are all family.
Its time to take down the Wall. Its time to stop living a dual life hiding Furry from the rest of the world. I can no longer hide and live this dual life because the Furry Fandom has done so much for me. This isn’t saying that I will rub it in everyone’s face. I intend not to by any means… but when it comes down to hiding behind a rock when someone approaches me outside the fandom on it – that is over because:
They are my best friends.
They are my Family that I choose to be with.
The Coward that attacked us at MFF has not made us weaker. He has instead made us STRONGER.
Because I AM a Furry.
I’m literally in tears as I write the last few lines of this…
I have done a lot for the community, and while my actual roles in where I dedicate my time may change; I will always be there to lend a hand to the community when it is needed.
And I have never been so proud to have been involved with the Fandom then I am right now.
Certainly this is, the Best of Times.
Going into the con to start with I was on the fence about continuing to be staff there. I have so many things going on, namely being a board member/community lead for
mnfurs that trying to switch tracks between the two has been increasingly difficult. When MNFurs was not incorporated and I was just helping out it was a lot easier to say that MFF was my one big commitment in the Furry Fandom,I went into the con rushed. Not as prepared as I should have been. I didn't pay as much attention to details and most while very minor did make some headaches and some of Gaming panelists upset and left out of the Programming guide. It wasn't 100% my fault but its something that could have been prevented had I been more solely dedicated to the con. I wasn't able to attend as many meetings, even in an online fashion and double check my work after it had been submitted.
The first bad omen came as we were getting to Chicago. We took a longer lunch and paid for it in the form of being stuck in Chicago Traffic for an hour and a half in spite of taking side streets. It wasn't the latest I had gotten to MFF on Thurs night but it was close.
Fri morning I handled a few fires, nothing too major. We had extra time to set up video games which helped a lot. We opened Video Games on time for the first time in well... ever with Zero equipment problems. Which in itself was amazing.
Overall, gaming ran a lot smoother then I expected throughout Friday and Sat with the exception of a few disgruntled GMs who still managed to find people for their games. We were busy. Well attended. The flow for both Video games and board games while it had its peaks and valleys was pretty steady and we made good use out of the space we had.
Then the Terrorist attack hit. It's being regarded as a Terrorist attack and by every definition it was one. Someone released concentrated doses of Chlorine type gasses in one of the stairwells which was in lethal levels on the top few floors but flooded the whole main tower.
I was on my way to the dance with my video camera in hand to take a break for an hour before I closed down the rest of gaming. I had just gotten video games shut down and all that was left was CaH, Werewolf and the open Board Game room which I'd swing back to at 2. I was on the upper main lobby, right next to the escalators when I smelled a foul odor. Seconds later the fire alarms went off.
I was among the first to be outside. I had nothing but a t-shirt on. I was very worried that the con crud I was starting to get would be worsened by my exposure to the cold.
We were ushered inside the Rosemont convention center for shelter once they had surmised it would take hours to clear the hotel and that this was most defiantly NOT a drill nor an accidently pulled alarm.
I was unfortunate enough to have had a Staff Radio on me at the time. We were instructed not to use them during emergencies (unless it was an emergency). I wasn’t trained in emergency procedures. Everyone looked at me because I had a radio and I was in shock. I had no idea what to do.
Halfway through the night the staff who were on radio or nearby someone with one were instructed to form a line to control the crowd in the back half of the Convention Center hall. I was one of those in the line.
I was standing on the other side of thousands of disoriented, tired, confused, shocked and even some Angry people. I thought that the whole thing was going to erupt into a Riot. My faith in Humanity was restored some when it did not, and the few who were demanding did not stir the crowd into a panic.
The hotel let us back in somewhere around 4:30. Most of my staff beat me to the convention space so the rooms were all locked and secured before I got there. I told my staff to get a few extra hours of sleep – their sanity was more important then getting things open at the crack of dawn.
Sunday board games still opened on-time due to one of my board games staff not being able to sleep. Video Games opened a little late at the time we had discussed earlier.
I was tired, still in shock. Luckily everything ran smoothly in gaming on Sunday mostly on Autopilot. I tried to get some video and photos but my heart just wasn’t there. Closing Ceremonies was very emotional for every staff member who was there including myself. I was given a plaque with my name on it from the Programming director – in truth I believe that EVERY member of MFF staff deserved one this year…
I went to sleep at 12:30 on Sunday night, exhausted and at the peak of my cold, which is the earliest I have ever gone to bed at a Convention.
We said our goodbyes on Monday. I could not find any of the MFF staff who either worked under my department or with me (IE Programming) on the way out to say goodbye or thanks to.
The staff of MFF both from the Gaming Department and just staff in general did an amazing job. I am still in shock with how well these people handled themselves in the face of adversity and Terrorism and most of them handled it a lot better then I did. I just became a rank and file zombie because its all I could manage to do to avoid falling apart on that night….
This is, However not the end of the story. As much as it should have been. I was prepared to leave all this behind me on the long drive home.
On our last stop an hour and a half out from the Twin Cities,
innouva took a nasty fall on a patch of ice and cut open part of his chin. I was once again thrown into shock when it happened as I watched him fall and slide on the asphalt.Luckily, a first responder EMT was right there pulling into the gas station as it happened. He was handling the situation before I could dial 911.
They got Innouva to the hospital which was a mile down the street, and everyone else riding in my car got to wait 3-4 hours in the hospital for him to get patched up. All things considered it could have been MUCH MUCH worse. I am very relieved that he is going to be OK.
I got home about 4am when I should have been rolling in around 11 when everything was all said and done. I stayed up for the next three hours talking to a few of my insomniac friends who were still up to keep me awake so I could call in sick to work this morning. I crashed after harder then I have since the incident where I was up for 25 hours driving from Oklahoma and back in 2005.
With the rest I got today, my cold is going away, as is the stress from a weekend that is unlikely to be topped for level of Crisis for me in my entire life.
I also got a glimpse of the Journey ahead today at dinner. I have been hiding in the shadows of the Fandom from my family for well over a decade. I’ve skirted around it, to the side. Said I went to “gaming conventions” which started out as a half truth with MFF because I run their gaming department. It was an easy story to fake.
While my likeness was not on the news… my mom managed to put two and two together. She brought the Furry thing up, directly to me saying she knew I took photos at Furry Conventions and gatherings. She asked if I was at the convention where the attack happened. I skirted the question with one final white lie saying that I was at one of the overflow hotels across the street. I was too tired, too exhausted to spill out the truth at that time…
I am… not 100% sure yet how she found this out. I don’t even know how long she has known. I may have been editing photos and not watched my back as she walked in.
Needless to say… my involvement with the Furry fandom both within the fandom and publically IE family is about to change forever. Where this will go… I am unsure.
There are some things that from this weekend I need to leave behind and move on from, others I need to Learn from, and some that will oddly enough open a lot of new doors. I was forced to face some demons this weekend, but I survived. And I will be forced to face a few, namely a very big one soon.
But it was inevitable. This weekend brought out the very best and the very worst in the Fandom to me. The best however far far outweighs the worst.
This weekend showed me that in the the darkest hour, there is no where I’d rather be then surrounded by my fellow friends, associates and yes FURRIES. Because as “weird” as we are. As strange as we are. As many drunks as we have – we are all family.
Its time to take down the Wall. Its time to stop living a dual life hiding Furry from the rest of the world. I can no longer hide and live this dual life because the Furry Fandom has done so much for me. This isn’t saying that I will rub it in everyone’s face. I intend not to by any means… but when it comes down to hiding behind a rock when someone approaches me outside the fandom on it – that is over because:
They are my best friends.
They are my Family that I choose to be with.
The Coward that attacked us at MFF has not made us weaker. He has instead made us STRONGER.
Because I AM a Furry.
I’m literally in tears as I write the last few lines of this…
I have done a lot for the community, and while my actual roles in where I dedicate my time may change; I will always be there to lend a hand to the community when it is needed.
And I have never been so proud to have been involved with the Fandom then I am right now.
Certainly this is, the Best of Times.
As for telling them you are a furry, well that is a door that you have come to.
My parents know, by brothers and sister knows, even some of the family friends know
But there are those I don't tell for many reasons.
But take your time when it comes to it of course, think of what you want to say and the possibility you need to explain away the stereotypes.
I hope to see you as my Boss at the con next year sir. :)
Things worked out just fine in the end and hopefully that will be the case with you and your folks.
I think everyone on the whole did a very good job handling the incident only a few of the people were causing trouble but it was easily contained in the end thankfully. Feel free to chat with me on things if you like, I may not always be able to help, but I can at least listen. :)
As for being known as a furry....I lost a longtime friend when I revealed that I am part of the community and even own a fursuit. Most people in my life when they found out they were like 'what's a furry?' And when I told them they were quite accepting of the definition that I gave them, for its what the fandom is here. My mom knows, and probably most of the family too. Its part of who I am and if they don't like it well that's alright :)
That was quite the event; I'm sure none of us will ever forget it. Fortunately more people weren't injured, but this is obviously something that never should have happened, and I hope they find the responsible party(ies) and find out the reason behind this.
I agree this will only make us stronger. We have a wonderful community.
I don't know what I'd do without my furry family!