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[MILD RANT] Just needed this out
11 years ago
TESTING THE WATERS: Commission Info
I also am open to art trades and small requests On a good note, tonight was the first night I got to make a bottle of formula for my baby cousin. Not too hard really. Though I love how when she finished it she held it up and looked at me with this "Well? You gonna get me more or what Stecie?" look. (That's how she says Stephie ^^)
As for the rant part, while I am SOOOO grateful for everything good that has happened this year, I'm not happy about getting panic attacks. I was literally up at 6AM crying my eyes out because I was home alone and I panicked. I knew I would be, Mom was babysitting that morning, but I still freaked and couldn't stop it. Told my Dad about it and he cracked a joke. Though... to be fair he really doesn't know how to deal with shit like that.
I know I need to find my voice, I am trying. I need to open up and be honest with people about shit but I'm afraid of people being upset (they say they won't but they always do). Add that to the fact I still have self esteem issues and it makes me feel like I should stop trying. My writing is incredible slow and I hate that, but I haven't been able to fix it. My art is fine I suppose, but it still looks lacking in something I don't know how to fix. Sculpting has been going well though so that's nice.
Most of my journals are rants or something like that I know, but I don't have any other options. I don't have people I can rant to as they have their own issues and I feel bad in doing so or they just don't seem like they would listen. ... I had something else to say but I don't remember what it was.
Still... above all else I'm grateful for what I have, for the family members that care about me (my aunt and cousins went to Disneyland and bought me a Jack Skellington tote bag and Mom a Nightmare before Christmas holiday t-shirt ^^), and everything good in my life. I am lucky to have what I have and to have who I have in my life, and I'll never take that for granted.
As for the rant part, while I am SOOOO grateful for everything good that has happened this year, I'm not happy about getting panic attacks. I was literally up at 6AM crying my eyes out because I was home alone and I panicked. I knew I would be, Mom was babysitting that morning, but I still freaked and couldn't stop it. Told my Dad about it and he cracked a joke. Though... to be fair he really doesn't know how to deal with shit like that.
I know I need to find my voice, I am trying. I need to open up and be honest with people about shit but I'm afraid of people being upset (they say they won't but they always do). Add that to the fact I still have self esteem issues and it makes me feel like I should stop trying. My writing is incredible slow and I hate that, but I haven't been able to fix it. My art is fine I suppose, but it still looks lacking in something I don't know how to fix. Sculpting has been going well though so that's nice.
Most of my journals are rants or something like that I know, but I don't have any other options. I don't have people I can rant to as they have their own issues and I feel bad in doing so or they just don't seem like they would listen. ... I had something else to say but I don't remember what it was.
Still... above all else I'm grateful for what I have, for the family members that care about me (my aunt and cousins went to Disneyland and bought me a Jack Skellington tote bag and Mom a Nightmare before Christmas holiday t-shirt ^^), and everything good in my life. I am lucky to have what I have and to have who I have in my life, and I'll never take that for granted.
