FA+
Shop
Dec 14: Journal Post for the Sake of It
11 years ago
|██████████|BODY
|██████████|MIND
|██████████|SOUL
Status: Either doing better or in a state of mania
|██████████|Will To Art
█ I suppose I'm writing a journal for no particular reason. Well... I suppose there's a reason, and it's that I should maybe try to write a journal at a moment where I don't need to dump a lot of blahs out there to try and feel better. Though in regards to that, yes the previous journal did help in that instance. Well it's either that or I'm in the 'mania' part of my self-diagnosed bi-polar disorder, since I do seem to go through cycles of depression then shorter bouts of focus and reduced need for sleep. Well, I suppose a cycle wouldn't be the best way of describing it, as it's more of a wave. It's more of a wave because I've been able to move said wave up a bit, so I seem to be spending less time in a depressed state and more time in the better one. I'm not sure I would consider the top of the wave 'happy' just 'motivated' if that really makes any sense at all. Though either way, it's progress to something better.
So far I've been able to keep the art streak going. Something like three months now, course I don't know what my longest was. The threat of burnout seems relatively low currently, not that I can afford to do so. On that particular front (that of money) finances seem to be stable for the time being, working on saving back up a buffer that was whittled away over the past year.
Currently things are going good, though reading over my journal I can't help but notice the part of my brain that always worries about the downside of things being fully present. I don't know if it's pessimism or realism, kinda hard to distinguish the two at times.
|██████████|MIND
|██████████|SOUL
Status: Either doing better or in a state of mania
|██████████|Will To Art
█ I suppose I'm writing a journal for no particular reason. Well... I suppose there's a reason, and it's that I should maybe try to write a journal at a moment where I don't need to dump a lot of blahs out there to try and feel better. Though in regards to that, yes the previous journal did help in that instance. Well it's either that or I'm in the 'mania' part of my self-diagnosed bi-polar disorder, since I do seem to go through cycles of depression then shorter bouts of focus and reduced need for sleep. Well, I suppose a cycle wouldn't be the best way of describing it, as it's more of a wave. It's more of a wave because I've been able to move said wave up a bit, so I seem to be spending less time in a depressed state and more time in the better one. I'm not sure I would consider the top of the wave 'happy' just 'motivated' if that really makes any sense at all. Though either way, it's progress to something better.
So far I've been able to keep the art streak going. Something like three months now, course I don't know what my longest was. The threat of burnout seems relatively low currently, not that I can afford to do so. On that particular front (that of money) finances seem to be stable for the time being, working on saving back up a buffer that was whittled away over the past year.
Currently things are going good, though reading over my journal I can't help but notice the part of my brain that always worries about the downside of things being fully present. I don't know if it's pessimism or realism, kinda hard to distinguish the two at times.
Keep riding the wave
My take on dealing with that sort of ordeal is to "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst".
When I say to prepare for the worst, that means preparing yourself for the period of time that you may find yourself in a rut. Find things to occupy your time that benefits YOU and you alone. A sort of therapy session, done through some sort of activity: Running, working out, taking a dog for a walk, painting an expressive art piece, cooking something new (baking what you like), go on a treasure hunt (thrift stores, swap meets), buy yourself something nice (for once...), plant a garden, get a bird (or feed the ducks at the park).
At times, I too can feel the moment when I know I will have a low point in my emotion. Depressed by thinking too hard about the things I have lost, bad things I have experienced, and the many disappointments I have had. When that happens, I put the world on hold (stop doing commissions, stop socializing online) and just take the time to satisfy my needs.
My family knows when I am in this time period, because it is usually my most creative time period. They would ask me "what made you decide to do this?.... make this?"... I answer "I was depressed".
You find that your most creative works come from your lowest points, because you pour that emotion out, and people feel it.
Keep at it.