This monday, the fructose citizens have banded together to eat humans. The pears, apples, oranges, and bananas released a press statement saying "Humans have been eating us for too long, and the time to strike back is now!"

I fear for the human race. I can understand they feel it's fair game that if we eat them, they can eat us, but I urge you to write to your local congressmen and demand the war be fought against the fruits. Thousands of imaginary people have already been eaten in the produce section at Walmart, and there will surely be more in the coming months at Kroger's, Publix, Ingles, and possibly even Aldis.
Please, look into your heart to stop this crisis. You may say, "it's not my problem. I only eat meat-- they won't come after me." Remember, all humans are fair game. And what if some day, the chickens and cows get together too?