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End of year cannot get here fast enough
11 years ago
General
One more day in my life.
So, with the seasonal job I took back in October, combined with my regular job and the busy holiday season, I just cannot wait for the end of the year, so I can have a regular schedule again. Busy season where I work is the holidays.
Every year, my mates and I throw a special New Years Eve party. We have friends come from quite literally all over the world. The house fills up and I get to hang out with people who I see only once or twice a year at most.
Except... my work schedule means I won't really be there for it. A weekend long party at my house and I won't be there. I'll be there for a couple hours on Saturday, and then I have to go to a friends house to stay the night. See, my schedule has me up at 5 am on sat... so No point staying in a packed house if I have to be in bed by 9. Then work all day Sat, get in and can hang out for a few hours Sat before going back to the friends house to go to bed early again. So this year, for the first time, I've separated myself from the entire invitation process. No point in my personally asking someone over who won't see me but four hours the whole weekend.
But it SUCKS!
:) Price of having a job I guess. Could be better. Has been worse. I look back on last year and the year before and how bad things had gotten. I don't exactly talk about what happened except with close friends, but people I know suffered as I did. I have holes in my memory. 2013 and 2014 there are moments at cons, at furmeets and in those I know I did certain things, fun, good things. Things worthy of being remembered... but the holes ate the memories. I have nothing but photos and vids that help. Feels terrible to think my friends are out there, thinking I just forgot them, forgot what those times meant. But this year, I've been getting better. My health and my memory. I can look back on everything I did at the cons I visited this year and I can remember everything!
And given how bad thing got, that is amazing for me! I remember Megaplex, bowling with furries, watching a lombax straddle a lane while a lion pressed suggestively against him from behind while a fox rolled the balls between their legs. Gutter ball. :) I remember the bad food. I remember the good food. The candy, the squeals of delight as I hugged folks with my vibrating fursuit. I remember being pounced at the dance. I remember the massage I gave and the way it got ... intimate and yet didn't feel wrong or inappropriate. I remember the parties and my first Megaplex show. And I remember MFM. The ball pit, the pouncings... Actually... there were a LOT of pouncings... now that I think about it. Was it the vibrating suit? Or have I suddenly become well worth tackling? :)
I regret the pieces of lost memories and the gaps that they create with my friends. But now I can build new ones.
So I guess I'm being kind of introspective tonight. But these are words needing saying for some time now. It's a bit difficult to sit down with everyone and explain I was having a really hard time, and I was in far more pain than I let on in public.
And isn't it wonderful when the pain stops. :)
Every year, my mates and I throw a special New Years Eve party. We have friends come from quite literally all over the world. The house fills up and I get to hang out with people who I see only once or twice a year at most.
Except... my work schedule means I won't really be there for it. A weekend long party at my house and I won't be there. I'll be there for a couple hours on Saturday, and then I have to go to a friends house to stay the night. See, my schedule has me up at 5 am on sat... so No point staying in a packed house if I have to be in bed by 9. Then work all day Sat, get in and can hang out for a few hours Sat before going back to the friends house to go to bed early again. So this year, for the first time, I've separated myself from the entire invitation process. No point in my personally asking someone over who won't see me but four hours the whole weekend.
But it SUCKS!
:) Price of having a job I guess. Could be better. Has been worse. I look back on last year and the year before and how bad things had gotten. I don't exactly talk about what happened except with close friends, but people I know suffered as I did. I have holes in my memory. 2013 and 2014 there are moments at cons, at furmeets and in those I know I did certain things, fun, good things. Things worthy of being remembered... but the holes ate the memories. I have nothing but photos and vids that help. Feels terrible to think my friends are out there, thinking I just forgot them, forgot what those times meant. But this year, I've been getting better. My health and my memory. I can look back on everything I did at the cons I visited this year and I can remember everything!
And given how bad thing got, that is amazing for me! I remember Megaplex, bowling with furries, watching a lombax straddle a lane while a lion pressed suggestively against him from behind while a fox rolled the balls between their legs. Gutter ball. :) I remember the bad food. I remember the good food. The candy, the squeals of delight as I hugged folks with my vibrating fursuit. I remember being pounced at the dance. I remember the massage I gave and the way it got ... intimate and yet didn't feel wrong or inappropriate. I remember the parties and my first Megaplex show. And I remember MFM. The ball pit, the pouncings... Actually... there were a LOT of pouncings... now that I think about it. Was it the vibrating suit? Or have I suddenly become well worth tackling? :)
I regret the pieces of lost memories and the gaps that they create with my friends. But now I can build new ones.
So I guess I'm being kind of introspective tonight. But these are words needing saying for some time now. It's a bit difficult to sit down with everyone and explain I was having a really hard time, and I was in far more pain than I let on in public.
And isn't it wonderful when the pain stops. :)
I do hope things continue to get better and no more holes in the memories!