I'm really tired of getting strung along time after time by people who claim they like me, who dangle happiness in front of me just long enough for me to feel special and loved, then yank it away with some lame ass fucking excuse like "bad timing" as if I'm some sort of moron.

I know there's a lot for me to work on, and there's a lot I'm working on, I've made amazing emotional improvement over the year and next year it continues, along with physical improvement. I know there's stuff about me needs fixin, but it is im-fucking-possible that i don't have enough decent traits about me to attract someone for more than a few fucking weeks.
Big towering hunks of bath-not-taking, wife beating, uglier than sin trash have had some pretty amazing girls drag themselves along after them. (I'm looking at you, Wil Brock)

My self confidence and self image are better now than they have been in a long long long time, but shit like this doesn't help it. It just makes the puzzle all more perplexing. Even the people who DO like me...who are ATTRACTED to me...who seem to be happy with everything i have to offer......don't want me.

If I'm growing as a human being, if I'm maturing and getting over little petty issues and developing as a person, then why does this shit keep happening? Why do i keep falling so heavily for people...let them make me feel good about myself. Let myself finally try to be happy, when this nonsensical bullfuckery that is "timing" or other equally derptastic excuses, is hellbent on ensuring i end up once more heartbroken and guarded.

Making damn sure that I never trust anyone, no matter how great they make me feel because there will always come that day when they just don't care anymore and every nice thing they did or said will seem like it was a flick of the wrist for them...like it wasn't anything special to waste those good feelings with me...

Call this fucking emo all you god damned like.
But just when i try to get out, they just pull me right back in.
Its starting to hurt more and more each time, but it stays sore in between.
The only relief is those few days or weeks when i can get them.
/rant

The divine had me cornered in a storm, and they let me walk out the front door at the scene of the crime.
Hang em high, keep your vows brief
Let em swing, make his swindle and art.
And if you still believe that men guilty of love can survive,
Then hang em high or not at all.