hope you are fine and merry Christmas

... did you read the journal? im very upset at the thought of this holiday.

not good enough

im not sure to be honest. but i appreciate the thought and the concern.

well if you think of something let me know

i sent you a note. i really appreciate the thoughtfulness

Is it that you want to be able to enjoy Christmas, or that you are tired of hearing about it all the time? (Sorry if I sound insensitive, just trying to understand your situation)

a mix of both. i cant attempt to celebrate it or i will be attacked (verbally) by members of my house hold, and seeing posts about Christmas this and Christmas that are irritating and saddening me at the same time.

That does make it hard, when your family dislikes the idea of Christmas. And it would irritate me as well if you never got to celebrate it, while every one else did...
But, if you don't mind me saying this, if I wanted something, but my household wouldn't allow it, I wouldn't care. I'd fight for what I want. But that's me.

I think you should do what you need to, to get your life back in order. Just keep trying, and don't stop. Dare to be wrong. Being wrong isn't always a bad thing, usually, it leads to some of the greatest discoveries. So do what you want to. But keep trying.

dare to be wrong and wind up on the streets

Well, if you're not having a good holiday season, why aren't you doing anything about it? For one don't give up on finding a job, keep looking and you'll get one. 2. If you are dropping out of college, I suggest you go back and finish. You don't want the guilt of not having finished anything creeping on you for the rest of your life. Not to motion the school loans will NOT let up on you, regardless if you finished or not.Oh and everyone has their bad days in Smash Bros, don't worry about that. I think you should go about doing something about your situation rather than doing nothing.

dude it's not that black and white. i've been looking for 4 months now. 2 i was basically taking general courses because i couldn't afford nor did qualify for the classes i wanted . i don't mess with loans for that VERY reason. never got a loan in my life. i wont be filled with regret because they were classes i was never interested in. it's more like bad month not day.
i have been trying to do something but i am not getting any results. this has been an ongoing thing in my life (except smash bros.) not something that just happened.

Well being depressed won't solve anything... just don't push yourself to hard and have faith you'll find something good. No matter how much in there is the bad things, something good ALWAYS comes out of it