stole this funny bit written by

--DIALOGUE OPEN--
Made this up for work... and yes, inspired by true events in some fashion or another.

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Twas the day before Christmas, when all through the store
All the customers were scurrying, to get out the door.
The hooks were empty, and the shelving laid bare,
Leaving many folks to scold, and pull out their hair.

The children would cry, mostly fake tears,
While the parents wished, they had just one beer.
Mamma had a coupon and dad had his cash,
But both knew that shopping today, was going to be brash.

When at the front of the store, there arose such a clatter,
Everyone looked over to see, what was the matter.
Away from the door, he stumbled and whirled,
While he said "I can't find this item in all of the world!"

He knocked over carts, and filled hearts with much fear
When finally he spoke "wait, this is not Sears!"
What to their wondering, eyes should they all spy?
Well that of a flask, slung low to his thigh.

The man was not lively, and he could barely stand,
But that didn't stop him, with the ad in his hand.
"I forgot it was Christmas, and boy am I drunk,
But maybe you could find this, with just a bit of luck!"

"Oh, K-mart, oh, Wal-mart and Target and Kohl's,
I've been to Penney's and Meijer and even Trader Joe's!
I have searched high and low! From store to store!
Help me, I need help, to search some more!"

To the home store department, the man did tread,
While visions of late gifts, danced through his head.
He had not one clue, not one in the slightest,
Of the thing he searched for, since he wasn't the brightest.

And then with a crackle, a store clerk did chime,
Through the radio he said "I'll save him this time!"
He bound through the store, so light on his feet,
His name tag was shiny, they all called him Pete.

Pete was all dressed, in his best holiday suit,
Even some of his coworkers, thought he was cute.
A merchandise scanner, hung just to his side,
Used to check prices, on the gifts people eyed.


"I've looked for this item, for my wife named Mary,
Do you think you have it in stock? Oh, my name is Harry!"
Pete greeted with a hand shake, and a hearty "hello",
But deep down inside, he knew the answer was "no".

The man then pointed, to the page in the ad,
To the item at the left, right next to the plaid.
It was shiny and new, like a just-stamped penny,
Pete looked quickly, but knew he didn't have any.

The man waited for minutes, as Pete went to look,
Wishing he'd had a game, or at least a good book.
It was not too long, before Pete did return,
The look on his face, was one of concern.

"I am sorry to say, but I have had no luck,
It appears we have some, but on our next truck."
The man was confused, then he touched his hair,
It was ruffled already, he didn't really care.

"Then I shall take this, and be on my way,
I'm sure Mary won't mind, I'll be back another day!"
With that the man did grab, one lonely little mug,
On the front it read 'World's Greatest Wife, With Much Love!"

He sprang to the checkout, placing the mug on the lane,
The man was rung up, by a cashier named Jane.
She finished his order, and he turned with a wave,
"Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good day!"