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For Your Entertainment: The Dragon Book
11 years ago
My journals usually don't get a lot of comments, except when I have you take tests that mock cliche conventions of vore character profiles. That's cool.
Hey, I'm gonna do something entertaining for you. There's a collection of short stories by the name of The Dragon Book. I'm gonna try to recap some of the short stories in just a few snippets of abridged dialogue, based mostly on my memory. It's the funny!
Bob Choi's Last Job
Bob Choi: "Hey. You are murderous dragons hiding in civilized society and I'm a bounty hunter of murderous dragons hiding in civilized society. I'm taking you downtown."
Murderous Dragon: "Yes, it's true. People are just too delicious. But what about you, Bob Choi? You're some kind of freaky cold guy. Look, you give people frostbite by touching them unless you wear those gloves!"
Bob Choi: "... Cold guys have feelings, too."
The Tsar's Dragons
Rasputin: "Greetings, fair readers. My name is Grigori Rasputin. If you've heard of me, you already know that this story will be rather painful for me. Let's keep reading, shall we?"
Dragons: "Can we come out of these cages, yet? We're really bored."
Rasputin: "No, dears, this story is about Russian history, not dragons."
Oakland Dragon Blues
Officer Guerra: "Look, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remove yourself from the intersection."
Dragon: "Yeah? Or else what?"
Officer Guerra: "... Well gosh, I dunno. Write some parking tickets?"
Dragon: "I'm not doing anything unless you promise to help me find the guy who authored me. See, I'm a story character, and someone has one of them magic typewriters like in the Goosebumps book The Blob That Ate Everyone. Except that's a bad example because it turned out the typewriter wasn't magical after all and it was just the kid's imagination that brought a giant voracious blob into existence. Hey, are you listening to me, or what?"
Officer Guerra: "What's a typewriter?"
Unnamed Author: "I hate my job. I hate my life. Go away."
Humane Killer:
Sir Leonard: "Watch out! I'm a zombie and I'm addicted to marijuana! Hey, my arm fell off again. Somebody grab it."
Armecia: "I'm a witch and I think I've played this module before."
Maddy: "I'm the most hilarious sociopath you'll ever meet. I was here for the dragon, but let's the three of us fight instead."
Zeigfreid the Dragon: "YOU DARNED KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!"
Stark and Wormy Knight
Alexandrax: "I can't sleep. Tell me a story about my great-grandfather and his appetite for soft things that walk on two legses!"
Alexandrax's Mother: "Okays, but those were frightsome days, with knights lurking beneath every scone and round every bent, ready to spring out and spear some mother's son for scarce no cause at all! So did your wisdominical great-grandpap confine himself to plowhards and peasant girls and the plumpcasional parish priest tumbled down drunk in the churchyard of a Sunday evening, shagged out from 'cessive semonizing."
Alexandrax: "Wait, wait. Is this whole story going to be full of strange words and forced alliteration...? Oh, would you look at the time? I'd best be getting to sleep, huh? So sleepy. Yep yep."
None So Blind
Kyosti: "Dear diary. We've set out to this foreign land to find dragons. I expect we won't have to wait long."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 14. We've spoken to several natives in the area. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 31. We found some cool plants. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 78. The animals around here are whacked out. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 96. Our supplies are running out. We still haven't seen any dragons. We're just going to have to go back home. A bit disappointing."
Dragon: "ARMAGEDDON RISES. ALL WILL BE DESTROYED."
After the Third Kiss
May Margret: "Halp! Halp! I've been transformed into a dragon! It's terrible! Terrible! I need my brother to kiss me three times to change me back! Oh. That was quick.
Wynde: "Yeah. Now my face is all burned and scarred. I'll never get any girls. But, you know, you're my sister, so saving you from a terrible fate like that is worth it."
May Margret: "Being human sucks. I wanna be a dragon again."
Hey, I'm gonna do something entertaining for you. There's a collection of short stories by the name of The Dragon Book. I'm gonna try to recap some of the short stories in just a few snippets of abridged dialogue, based mostly on my memory. It's the funny!
Bob Choi's Last Job
Bob Choi: "Hey. You are murderous dragons hiding in civilized society and I'm a bounty hunter of murderous dragons hiding in civilized society. I'm taking you downtown."
Murderous Dragon: "Yes, it's true. People are just too delicious. But what about you, Bob Choi? You're some kind of freaky cold guy. Look, you give people frostbite by touching them unless you wear those gloves!"
Bob Choi: "... Cold guys have feelings, too."
The Tsar's Dragons
Rasputin: "Greetings, fair readers. My name is Grigori Rasputin. If you've heard of me, you already know that this story will be rather painful for me. Let's keep reading, shall we?"
Dragons: "Can we come out of these cages, yet? We're really bored."
Rasputin: "No, dears, this story is about Russian history, not dragons."
Oakland Dragon Blues
Officer Guerra: "Look, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remove yourself from the intersection."
Dragon: "Yeah? Or else what?"
Officer Guerra: "... Well gosh, I dunno. Write some parking tickets?"
Dragon: "I'm not doing anything unless you promise to help me find the guy who authored me. See, I'm a story character, and someone has one of them magic typewriters like in the Goosebumps book The Blob That Ate Everyone. Except that's a bad example because it turned out the typewriter wasn't magical after all and it was just the kid's imagination that brought a giant voracious blob into existence. Hey, are you listening to me, or what?"
Officer Guerra: "What's a typewriter?"
Unnamed Author: "I hate my job. I hate my life. Go away."
Humane Killer:
Sir Leonard: "Watch out! I'm a zombie and I'm addicted to marijuana! Hey, my arm fell off again. Somebody grab it."
Armecia: "I'm a witch and I think I've played this module before."
Maddy: "I'm the most hilarious sociopath you'll ever meet. I was here for the dragon, but let's the three of us fight instead."
Zeigfreid the Dragon: "YOU DARNED KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!"
Stark and Wormy Knight
Alexandrax: "I can't sleep. Tell me a story about my great-grandfather and his appetite for soft things that walk on two legses!"
Alexandrax's Mother: "Okays, but those were frightsome days, with knights lurking beneath every scone and round every bent, ready to spring out and spear some mother's son for scarce no cause at all! So did your wisdominical great-grandpap confine himself to plowhards and peasant girls and the plumpcasional parish priest tumbled down drunk in the churchyard of a Sunday evening, shagged out from 'cessive semonizing."
Alexandrax: "Wait, wait. Is this whole story going to be full of strange words and forced alliteration...? Oh, would you look at the time? I'd best be getting to sleep, huh? So sleepy. Yep yep."
None So Blind
Kyosti: "Dear diary. We've set out to this foreign land to find dragons. I expect we won't have to wait long."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 14. We've spoken to several natives in the area. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 31. We found some cool plants. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 78. The animals around here are whacked out. No dragons yet."
Kyosti: "Dear diary. Day 96. Our supplies are running out. We still haven't seen any dragons. We're just going to have to go back home. A bit disappointing."
Dragon: "ARMAGEDDON RISES. ALL WILL BE DESTROYED."
After the Third Kiss
May Margret: "Halp! Halp! I've been transformed into a dragon! It's terrible! Terrible! I need my brother to kiss me three times to change me back! Oh. That was quick.
Wynde: "Yeah. Now my face is all burned and scarred. I'll never get any girls. But, you know, you're my sister, so saving you from a terrible fate like that is worth it."
May Margret: "Being human sucks. I wanna be a dragon again."
Kartonis
~kartonis
Oakland Dragon sounds pretty funny from that description. So bitter about existing! XD
KD
~kd
OP
I liked it up until the end, where the Author goes on a venomous tirade about his line of work. If he doesn't like being an author so much, he should do something else!
