Is New Year's Really That Happy
11 years ago
General
I'm actually not excited about making it to another year.
I have nothing going for me. I feel such an emptiness inside and an overwhelming sadness. I feel so distressed.
I don't want to be alive. I wish I were dead. I really do.
It does not always get better. In my case everything gets worse.
I'm just so tired.
I probably won't end it tonight. But one day.
One day it's going to all come crashing down and I just won't be able to live with myself anymore.
And then I'll be free.
I have nothing going for me. I feel such an emptiness inside and an overwhelming sadness. I feel so distressed.
I don't want to be alive. I wish I were dead. I really do.
It does not always get better. In my case everything gets worse.
I'm just so tired.
I probably won't end it tonight. But one day.
One day it's going to all come crashing down and I just won't be able to live with myself anymore.
And then I'll be free.
FA+

People do care about you--never doubt, and never forget.
*hugs*
I can't say I have ever been in a place where I have seriously considered ending it; but I have often had thoughts about how much happier people would be if I didn't exist. I won't try to compare the way I feel to the way you do; but suffice to say I know it is very hard for me to see anything positive when I get surrounded by darkness. The thoughts of things never getting better start to drown out everything else. And the thing is, while those thoughts may be right, it's just a may. And I know by ending it all, not only would I be hurting the people I care about the most; but I would be robbing myself of that chance. No matter how slim a chance it may be, it's still a chance. And I hope that you too will continue to pursue that chance.
Or if you don't have money for that, do something else to break the loop. Sour milk and overdue bananas do wonders to some people.