what a week. I end up giving birth then going into the hospital cause i have a preemie that won't eat and has jaundice. oh joy -_- I did learn this time that i was breast feeding totally wrong. XD Guess that's the bright side, cause they showed me what i was doing wrong. i was so confused when they first went to teach me. Also, I learned that I need to take it easy and share responsibilities with others. I exhausted myself badly by taking on every responsibility myself instead of asking others. I was reminded during this visit that there are others willing to help if i'm willing to let them. Nikki started taking shifts with me on caring with the baby on the visit. the doctor ordered me a breast pump so he could give the baby milk.

I'm not great at this, cause i always took care of other people's kids....but i'm learning. every day i'm learning. I'm hoping he continues to stay well. Watching him not eat was very scary. seeing him sick and go through treatment was some tough shit. I had a hard time holding myself together.

(also doesn't help that i'm this rush of hormones that cries at everything. This did not happen while prego O_o so its weird to me. dude, i cried at a random song on Monday night. just some random song....)