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Of Resolutions and Second Chances
11 years ago
General
As I pondered all of 2014, a few very good things came of it. I took a lot of chances last year; some of them panned out; others did not, and others still have yet to be seen if I did made the right decision or not.
But I believe there may be time for second chances on atleast one of the missed opportunities due to circumstance. The big one being my studio.
Its something I miss not having a lot, especially right now when the winter is well, Minnesota and therefore sucks major frozen monkey balls. Having the studio in the winter especially was a nice little indoor refuge from the frozen hell that is a Minnesota winter, giving me and my friends another option rather then walk around a mall all day (which gets old really fast).
It was nice having a place of my own; both for the responsibility and privilege of having it. I think this is what everyone wants and needs at some point in their lives. For most people, this is "settling down and buying a "a very very fine house; with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard..." (excuse the Beatles reference... Heh)
However, I'm not going to lie. As much as my parents mannerisms sometimes get on my nerves (but this happens honestly with roommates too) I'm content here. I'm not freeloading - I do pay them rent but it is far less then trying to make it on my own and a far better living situation then living in a cramped little apartment with 2 or 3 other roommates.
And now that my parents know about my 'dark secret' and well.. are cool about it it makes things much easier and more comfortable. I always told myself I could wear con T-Shirts, use drinking glasses I got at conventions and display artwork (CLEAN art- I DO NOT have ANY desire to commission and especially not frame porn >.>) when I moved out. But now I can do that anyways.
I also learned that there is something special about having a netural place for both your hobbies and friends. Somewhere that is not the same as where you live and sleep. For one: a few of my friends can't come over to my house for one reason alone: Pet Allergies.
Also, it was a lot easier to keep the studio clean. It was also easier to have more willpower to keep it clean. I had no clothes to pick up. No plates or glasses to pick up and wash (unless I had a dinner party or something- which I only did once...). It was a place solely designed to have company over or as a place of solitude when I needed an escape.
I learned a lot about dreams last year, and that I HAD one of them for a very short period of time. Ever since I was in High School I wanted to have my own small business. I wanted to have a place that wasn't home where my friends could come to. I wanted something Unique.
After having a small business of my own that floundered for a few years (the Computer Repair one) I found out its a lot of work and is extremely hard to make an actual living off of. For anything I am interested in or "good at" anyways.
Everyone with a camera wants to be a "photographer" these days. Even when 90% of those people shouldn't be allowed to touch a camera because they have no creativity, no skill, no drive. They just view it as "easy fast fun money". UGH.
It ruins it for the 10% of us that, well actually would have had something of a career in photography had we been born 20-30 years ago when cameras were these "complicated monsters only Nerds would have any interest in operating". It was, back then a very Niche thing. Back in the days of Film. Back in the Golden days of Photography...
But I've given it some thought. About what I really want. And why I want a studio in the first place. It was never because I wanted a place to make "easy money". It was an investment to me. And while most investments will never give you back what you put into them for money...
The rewards a good investment gives you are priceless. A car gives you freedom. A house gives you shelter but also something that is yours.
And this is what this is all about. I want something I can call mine. But why do I have to be like everyone else?
For me, where I live is not that relevant as long as it fulfils my basic needs. It provides me a place to sleep and eat. It provides a place to relax. But Home has never been my sanctuary. I've always felt more well... in tune with myself when I am NOT at home.
When I am on the road, when I am on my boat.
And when I had it, when I was in my Studio....
This is when I felt in my element as it were. This is where I was inspired. And sadly, two of those places are very seasonal and fare very poorly in this time of year. Which is why I tend to go a little stir crazy right about now.
So... my resolution for 2015 and into this time in 2016 is to get my Studio back; with the intent that it is an investment that I am getting something far more valuable then money from in return.
Sure, I may do some paid photoshoots there when the opportunity presents itself. But my goal would not to be foremost to run a business, as silly as that sounds.
There are things that need to happen first. I need to get some of my credit debt paid off or atleast handled. I need to get some savings. I need some job security or atleast a contingency plan if I keep working contract to contract to cover the months I am unemployed.
This will require a lot of thought. A lot of research. A lot of planning. But in the end, I hope to have my sanctuary back. And I think that is something I can be patient and wait for.
I intend to find a place larger then before. Preliminary research shows that I can find a place 2-4x the size of my first studio at a rate still cheaper then what most people pay for apartment rent as long as I am not picky on where. I may be able to pick a range of how far I am willing to commute but not the city. I don't need something well lit or well advertized. Infact for my purposes the more secluded the better.
I've been wanting to find an "out" from IT. But I realize that it pays the bills and makes a lot more money then I could ever make from running a photography business alone, espically in this day in age. But I've come to terms that if I had my fortress of solitude back - living with having a career on the bottom rungs of the IT ladder would be a lot more tolerable and would not define who I was.
The dream has been realized, after having a taste of it last year. Now its just a matter of finding a way to make it a reality. And this time, I hope to be able to maintain that Dream for a lot longer...
But I believe there may be time for second chances on atleast one of the missed opportunities due to circumstance. The big one being my studio.
Its something I miss not having a lot, especially right now when the winter is well, Minnesota and therefore sucks major frozen monkey balls. Having the studio in the winter especially was a nice little indoor refuge from the frozen hell that is a Minnesota winter, giving me and my friends another option rather then walk around a mall all day (which gets old really fast).
It was nice having a place of my own; both for the responsibility and privilege of having it. I think this is what everyone wants and needs at some point in their lives. For most people, this is "settling down and buying a "a very very fine house; with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard..." (excuse the Beatles reference... Heh)
However, I'm not going to lie. As much as my parents mannerisms sometimes get on my nerves (but this happens honestly with roommates too) I'm content here. I'm not freeloading - I do pay them rent but it is far less then trying to make it on my own and a far better living situation then living in a cramped little apartment with 2 or 3 other roommates.
And now that my parents know about my 'dark secret' and well.. are cool about it it makes things much easier and more comfortable. I always told myself I could wear con T-Shirts, use drinking glasses I got at conventions and display artwork (CLEAN art- I DO NOT have ANY desire to commission and especially not frame porn >.>) when I moved out. But now I can do that anyways.
I also learned that there is something special about having a netural place for both your hobbies and friends. Somewhere that is not the same as where you live and sleep. For one: a few of my friends can't come over to my house for one reason alone: Pet Allergies.
Also, it was a lot easier to keep the studio clean. It was also easier to have more willpower to keep it clean. I had no clothes to pick up. No plates or glasses to pick up and wash (unless I had a dinner party or something- which I only did once...). It was a place solely designed to have company over or as a place of solitude when I needed an escape.
I learned a lot about dreams last year, and that I HAD one of them for a very short period of time. Ever since I was in High School I wanted to have my own small business. I wanted to have a place that wasn't home where my friends could come to. I wanted something Unique.
After having a small business of my own that floundered for a few years (the Computer Repair one) I found out its a lot of work and is extremely hard to make an actual living off of. For anything I am interested in or "good at" anyways.
Everyone with a camera wants to be a "photographer" these days. Even when 90% of those people shouldn't be allowed to touch a camera because they have no creativity, no skill, no drive. They just view it as "easy fast fun money". UGH.
It ruins it for the 10% of us that, well actually would have had something of a career in photography had we been born 20-30 years ago when cameras were these "complicated monsters only Nerds would have any interest in operating". It was, back then a very Niche thing. Back in the days of Film. Back in the Golden days of Photography...
But I've given it some thought. About what I really want. And why I want a studio in the first place. It was never because I wanted a place to make "easy money". It was an investment to me. And while most investments will never give you back what you put into them for money...
The rewards a good investment gives you are priceless. A car gives you freedom. A house gives you shelter but also something that is yours.
And this is what this is all about. I want something I can call mine. But why do I have to be like everyone else?
For me, where I live is not that relevant as long as it fulfils my basic needs. It provides me a place to sleep and eat. It provides a place to relax. But Home has never been my sanctuary. I've always felt more well... in tune with myself when I am NOT at home.
When I am on the road, when I am on my boat.
And when I had it, when I was in my Studio....
This is when I felt in my element as it were. This is where I was inspired. And sadly, two of those places are very seasonal and fare very poorly in this time of year. Which is why I tend to go a little stir crazy right about now.
So... my resolution for 2015 and into this time in 2016 is to get my Studio back; with the intent that it is an investment that I am getting something far more valuable then money from in return.
Sure, I may do some paid photoshoots there when the opportunity presents itself. But my goal would not to be foremost to run a business, as silly as that sounds.
There are things that need to happen first. I need to get some of my credit debt paid off or atleast handled. I need to get some savings. I need some job security or atleast a contingency plan if I keep working contract to contract to cover the months I am unemployed.
This will require a lot of thought. A lot of research. A lot of planning. But in the end, I hope to have my sanctuary back. And I think that is something I can be patient and wait for.
I intend to find a place larger then before. Preliminary research shows that I can find a place 2-4x the size of my first studio at a rate still cheaper then what most people pay for apartment rent as long as I am not picky on where. I may be able to pick a range of how far I am willing to commute but not the city. I don't need something well lit or well advertized. Infact for my purposes the more secluded the better.
I've been wanting to find an "out" from IT. But I realize that it pays the bills and makes a lot more money then I could ever make from running a photography business alone, espically in this day in age. But I've come to terms that if I had my fortress of solitude back - living with having a career on the bottom rungs of the IT ladder would be a lot more tolerable and would not define who I was.
The dream has been realized, after having a taste of it last year. Now its just a matter of finding a way to make it a reality. And this time, I hope to be able to maintain that Dream for a lot longer...
Nice goal though, I think having a safe place you can go for relaxing and occasional fun work is great.