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16 years ago
First : I know I shouln't write that here... but it gonna help me
Second : you don't need to read this, this is how I realy am and... I don't like to show that part of my self
Third : if you go further, don't blame me... it's not drama, it's a "brain cleaning" I,m doing so you might find thing you don't like or i never told anyone before.
Four : No I won't delete this post afther, or what ever. If you feel like you gonna be offended please close right now.
ok, so what should I say first...
Like every years, I feel down in winter. the lack of light and cold get me that way. but when february come then march and every thing unfreez, I should get back on my feet and be happy again.. but it's not what it's happening... I'm going more down and depress because I feel lonely and loveless... Oh yeah I have many friend around me and some close friend, but it's not what I'm looking for... I,m getting depress because I need someone, that special one... I let one go... twice... because i wasn't ready and young... now she's with an other and I can't do anything. I can't be angry again anyone that me, I'm the guy that been dumb... so now I'm looking back to find someone, but it's not easy.
I should trade my cold comfort for change, but I'm not an outgoing person when I'm alone. I usualy keep my distance, been hurt to many time in my life. ( I have my food right beside me and I can't eat at the moment). Then aproching a woman somewhere ask me too much. I never know what to say, what to speak about... Beside those macho-man "clicher" I know, (something I'm not even if sometime I sound or look like) I don't know what to say...
Next, I,m not the kind of person that make friend easily. you got to like me on first sight or hangout with me a little before to get to know and like me. I'm not an easy person and, that don't make relasion ship easy. One of the thing is that I don't lie to people. I can't bull shit people I like and tend to tell the truth the hard way.
More, I look alway like if nothing can't hit me... but it's not true. you can esaily kill me with just one word. I look cold on the outside and some time says stuff that could hurt people if missunderstood. And it's always too late I see I hurt some one. It's squish me on the inside each time.
I'm scared to see outside the furry communauty. only my close friend know realy about me and it's better that way, for now. I'm not sure meeting someone of the outside world will be good, because many people here are not open mided as they say they are. In the furry phandom there is other problem... and woman hide to not get disturb, and i understand that. I wish a dating agency would exixst for furry.
An other problem, language barrier. Beside speaking bad english I usualy speak french and that not helping me. I'm already shy when meeting new people (even if I don't look like it) so when it's english people I just stumble and can bearly speak right. So I tend to not speak at all.
Ok this is the waekess point : I somekind of belive in Horoscope. Not the daily one. I talking about the meaning of the sing. traditional reading I'm Scorpio, that explain many thing about my dark side and on the Chinese reading, Rooster, my show off side. Those two together don't help. but does it realy matter? How far is it true? No clue, just funny to read some of those stuff some time.
Anyway I'll stop there for the moment.
I don't feel better but at least it's a little more clear in my head.
I have to thank's
spikeheila for being there last night, even if i don't speak much with her she was there to listened to me. I realy apreciated it.
and
blackraptor for her reply, that was a little kick in the behind i needed. Thank's
Now the olny thing missing is going out and get the attention of some ladies. Not sure I,ll be able to tho.
Second : you don't need to read this, this is how I realy am and... I don't like to show that part of my self
Third : if you go further, don't blame me... it's not drama, it's a "brain cleaning" I,m doing so you might find thing you don't like or i never told anyone before.
Four : No I won't delete this post afther, or what ever. If you feel like you gonna be offended please close right now.
ok, so what should I say first...
Like every years, I feel down in winter. the lack of light and cold get me that way. but when february come then march and every thing unfreez, I should get back on my feet and be happy again.. but it's not what it's happening... I'm going more down and depress because I feel lonely and loveless... Oh yeah I have many friend around me and some close friend, but it's not what I'm looking for... I,m getting depress because I need someone, that special one... I let one go... twice... because i wasn't ready and young... now she's with an other and I can't do anything. I can't be angry again anyone that me, I'm the guy that been dumb... so now I'm looking back to find someone, but it's not easy.
I should trade my cold comfort for change, but I'm not an outgoing person when I'm alone. I usualy keep my distance, been hurt to many time in my life. ( I have my food right beside me and I can't eat at the moment). Then aproching a woman somewhere ask me too much. I never know what to say, what to speak about... Beside those macho-man "clicher" I know, (something I'm not even if sometime I sound or look like) I don't know what to say...
Next, I,m not the kind of person that make friend easily. you got to like me on first sight or hangout with me a little before to get to know and like me. I'm not an easy person and, that don't make relasion ship easy. One of the thing is that I don't lie to people. I can't bull shit people I like and tend to tell the truth the hard way.
More, I look alway like if nothing can't hit me... but it's not true. you can esaily kill me with just one word. I look cold on the outside and some time says stuff that could hurt people if missunderstood. And it's always too late I see I hurt some one. It's squish me on the inside each time.
I'm scared to see outside the furry communauty. only my close friend know realy about me and it's better that way, for now. I'm not sure meeting someone of the outside world will be good, because many people here are not open mided as they say they are. In the furry phandom there is other problem... and woman hide to not get disturb, and i understand that. I wish a dating agency would exixst for furry.
An other problem, language barrier. Beside speaking bad english I usualy speak french and that not helping me. I'm already shy when meeting new people (even if I don't look like it) so when it's english people I just stumble and can bearly speak right. So I tend to not speak at all.
Ok this is the waekess point : I somekind of belive in Horoscope. Not the daily one. I talking about the meaning of the sing. traditional reading I'm Scorpio, that explain many thing about my dark side and on the Chinese reading, Rooster, my show off side. Those two together don't help. but does it realy matter? How far is it true? No clue, just funny to read some of those stuff some time.
Anyway I'll stop there for the moment.
I don't feel better but at least it's a little more clear in my head.
I have to thank's
spikeheila for being there last night, even if i don't speak much with her she was there to listened to me. I realy apreciated it. and
blackraptor for her reply, that was a little kick in the behind i needed. Thank'sNow the olny thing missing is going out and get the attention of some ladies. Not sure I,ll be able to tho.
But I'm glad it was, in any case. =)