I did it and this is mine :p

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
80% Vanilla
54% All-Rounder
46% Experimentalist
45% Girl/Boy
41% Bondage Giver
41% Switch
33% Bondage Receiver
33% Daddy/Mommy
25% Dominant
25% Submissive
24% Slave
21% Non-monogamist
19% Brat
19% Brat Tamer
16% Masochist
16% Primal (Predator)
16% Primal (Prey)
13% Voyeur
9% Sadist
4% Exhibitionist
4% Master/Mistress
0% Degradation Giver
0% Degradation Receiver
0% Pervert
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=53440

That's kinda cute.

Cute ? :p

Yeah, like coming home.
Finding that you're all normal kind of person I always imagined you like that. :)

Too long I've been dealing with various dark territories of sexuality, that I've forgotten that the perverts and experimentalists will always be nothing but a tiny minority. Very rarely we leave children to continue our bloodline, and best we can hope is that our autobiographies would be a good research source for the future anthropologists.

Am I that predictable person ? ^^
And for the future of research everyone is a source for future generation. That's a point of view. :3

More like mysterious. ;)
And being predictable doesn't have to be a bad thing. In a world where everything is changing too fast, it's good to be stable, it gives people around you a reference point.

I see people all over FA doing this. It's spreading like fire. :P

Plus there's a Hello Kitty silhouette on the front page. Server is hosted in Netherlands (kinky, doh!). I don't see a clear explanation how the results are ranked, and what's the science behind it. So I guess it's all for lols now. And some personal data gathering. ^^

Look here, zakkewasser, I'm Dutch. We're proud of our kinkiness to quite a degree - where paardenlul, hondelul and apenaier are actual insults. Here's the thing to know about us - you remember the massive emigration schemes the government supported in the fifties to reduce population density? Kinkiness - or at least reducing the birthrate - was sort of a civic duty here by the time the sixties hit.
I mean, yes, we codified the genres and techniques of the visual arts, cartography, clockmaking, audio storage, wi-fi, computer programming, genetics, reproductive health, microbiology, animal behavior, representative democracy, and basically everything about capitalism and finance in general for centuries hence. We were the first to discover the function of the fallopian tube and ovulation... but with such a zeta track record as our swear words indicate, the guy probably discovered it fist deep in a cow.
I'm willing to say it, the Dutch invented kinkiness as we know it - or if not invented, at least raised to maturity.

I don't assume it to be scientific in the least, darling. They ask you to fill out your own guess as to where you fit into these categories after you complete the survey, so they know how to weight the questions. I have no interest in girl/Mommy or brat/tamer relationships, none whatsoever, and I'm much more of a slave/master than I am a voyeur or an exhibitionist. I just have no shame. You can't put kink on a chart, man!

I wrote a really long answer but forgot to paste it into external notepad, so the Firefoxy ate it during a page refresh. It might be for the best...

Here's a short one instead.

Now that you've mentioned it, I need to do my homework and study Dutch history in the 19th and 20th century. I suppose it would shed some light why they act the way they do. ;)

It's the first time I hear the Dutch government had encouraged people to reduce birthrate. But that also reinforces my grim view on such measures. Tweaking natural reproduction can't be good. Sooner or later it turns into a gerontological chaos. Every nation ages rapidly, and very soon there's not enough fresh blood to replace the old. With a long lifespan and without reproduction, it's nearly hopeless. It's happening in China now, because of their population politics, and in a few decades they will be in huge problems. It's happening in Europe too. Uncontrolled immigration isn't a solution to a declining labor pool, but at the same time you can't force people to reproduce. Ethic norms forbid us to kill our old when they reach 60 or lose a job, so that plan wouldn't work either.

At some point I could argue that kinks and sexual perversions are the brain's defensive mechanism against despair. Could a powerful YOLO feeling make people dress in leather and whip each other? I really don't know; but my intuition tells me it is indeed possible.

Even if Dutch people came from another planet, they can't be the only one responsible for the development of Wi-Fi networks, cartography, clockmaking, audio storage, programming, or genetics. If you were referring to the western civilization in general, then you might be correct. ;)

The Dutch did invent kinkiness, you're right 'bout that. I'm so jealous of your pride parades protected by only 2 policemen! Last time there was a pride in Belgrade, about 10.000 heavy gear cops guarded 100 scared-to-death walking queers from 8.000 conservative protesters. It was a teargas warzone. Talk about BDSM...

For the record, I did take the test and advised my bf to do so. Here's what the numbers say (top 4 results):

Me (60809):
93% Experimentalist
84% Non-monogamist
79% Switch
71% Submissive

Him (62270):
91% Experimentalist
66% Voyeur
64% Primal (Prey)
63% Submissive
59% Vanilla
(...)
11% Non-monogamist

Experimentation is what got us together, and kept us together for two years now. But the differences are slowly creeping up to the surface. I feel constrained in a monogamous relationship, and I feel like I'm wasting my time with him. While at the same time he feels like he found the soulmate/love of his life and that he'll never be able to be with anyone else other than me. That's what the 84/11 difference in non-monogamy is about.

Of course, maybe I'm just trying to find meaning where there isn't any.

Cheers!

Oh god, I hate when that happens. Kudos to us long answer folks.

I'll always think of that George Carlin monologue about child safety - "If these ideas disturb you, just think of them as passive eugenics." The fact that he considered that a soothing phrase to his audience is the part that scares me. Yeah, China's going to fall into a turbo pit as a result of that - Their population is their greatest natural resource, and their economy is more feudal than it should be (There's some societal analysis you need to do when you talk about that, of course. It could easily transition, when the population collapses, into something closer to a 1950s-style American economy, spurred by the projected government price control (although the '50s couldn't have happened without the WWII price controls that created a high rate of personal savings), but to project this, you need to understand Chinese culture - the two most important things are family ties and making bank for your family's sake. At present, there's a noveau riche elite who give their family the highest-paying jobs in their firms, and an underclass who for society's sake often accept abominable working conditions in order to provide for their families, since the finances of entire families are connected.
One thing that's starting to fuck with China is the new situation - grueling exams are the same as ever, but you have four grandparents and two parents pushing only one kid for success. Oftentimes, they snap - and if they don't snap, they'll never risk leaving their position. I mean, Korea and Japan have similarly grueling school systems (the estimate is that the present-day Korean high school student gets four hours of sleep a night), but this is too much.
But at present, the Chinese Fed keeps the yuan really, really low - Neoliberals hate that - so they can undersell their goods.
When China collapses, the third world will almost certainly have to pick up the slack. The Chinese Communist Party is probably the slipperiest ideology in the world - even more so than Peronism, Fascism, and Democracy - in just how much it's willing to try fucking anything; so it escaped most of the global recession the same way FDR alleviated the depression. Their system depends on constant demand from customers in the west, which is why they helped with the European bailouts. I'm wondering, with a billion people... if we managed to move the low-wage jobs to the third world and Chinese workers gained some measure of workplace protections, it has the potential to become one of the largest consumer economies in the world. They're exactly where we were in the gilded age - symbolist art, a media drowning in victorian detail and bad taste, monopolies with counterfeits surrounding them managing the economy for maximum lubrication, social reformers facing off against a totalitarian government that uses the army to enforce its business, doing things primarily through inertia, and pretty much at war with anything vaguely "natural" and "organic." It's anyone's guess where it'll end up, but it'll probably be slow and clunky as ever...

Ee, sorry. I'm theorizing again.
Yeah, at present we're facing a great civilization issue - we'll have to implement more socialist measures as the rate of production falls around the world, to keep most of us from dying, but the political climate worldwide has shifted quite some ways to the right. At present, immigration will only solve so much of the workforce woes, but if Argentina and America in their immigrant booms taught us anything, it's that after they do their cheap work they lean us farther towards the left. But most of the debate about leftist policies fall back to racism - real talk, America was completely on board with the Great Society until Civil Rights made people realize that this would also benefit black people, and if Europe had the amount of non-white immigrants we're talking about, their social programs would shut down yesterday by popular outcry.
I would hope that the third world, with its gigantic ratio of working-age folk to old people and babies, due to the introduction of medicines, would pick up the slack, but the neoliberal policies of the CIA and IMF and neocolonialism means that resources and industry are moving away from the countries best suited to perform it, with war and starvation in their wake... Sorry, I like to think a bit further on the macro level than this discussion started as. Either way, we're shooting ourselves in the foot with the fact that the population ratio is best in the countries that we're actively moving the resources away from.

And it DID cause a baby boom after WWII, right? Millions of men alone in barracks describing their sexual fantasies come home and tell their girl that the world's being blown up tomorrow, why not have some fun? There really is a yolistic element to perversion.

Nah, every country is good at something! The world of the sciences is in fact super diverse, and there's enough accomplishments for every country to get its fair share. You guys have your own fields of genius - you had the air brake, the machines of Klerić, the first european DIY computer display, mining, mathematics, the electrical inventions of Pupin and Tesla... Hell, as a Chicago resident for whom sleep apnea runs in the family, I'm familiar with and grateful for Radulovacki's work in that field! You can certainly take pride in your own country's work without attributing it to "Western Civilization," which is beyond patronizing, nor (as the Germans have a particular problem with) using it as proof of your own superiority.

See, I'm honestly scared for you guys in Eastern Europe. The same way Canada defines itself in opposition to America, you define yourselves in opposition to Western Europe... it's why Russia can be so homophobic, they paint it as something that the West is shoving down their throats, which is why (ironically) we can't make it any better by trying to meddle with it, it proves their point! But after Hungary and France and Sweden have their far right parties make gains, I'm really really scared for you guys.

And as for your relationship, I commend your insight. See, I'm torn... in small scale gay communities, there are usually people willing to throw polyamory under the bus in an attempt to get the straight Christian crowd further on their side. But when you discuss things, be clear with him that yeah, it's totally normal in polyamorous relationships for one of the pairs to be exclusive - it's called a "V," where one member is in two different relationships, and the others don't have to be involved with each other.
My question is, are you still in love with him, and would you still love him if you took that wall out of your life and started seeing other people on the side in addition? Or is part of your constraint the obligation to stay with him even if you started seeing multiple people? Love isn't a sum that you give out, it's something people create between themselves, and it doesn't mean you'd love him any less. I can't bear to see someone be unhappy with their life.

The thing about China quite reminds me of how Albanians run their families. There's a father figure (very much like the Godfather) who receives all the profit from working family members and economizes it to various investments. Then I remembered how they also have odd customs like sworn virgins (virgina) who're actually women forced to live as males through their entire life, which is a very interesting subject.

Your thinking on the macro level is amazing, and not many peole around here can keep their line of thought focused for that long. One thing I know, I always come back to the idea of Black Plague in 13th century Europe as the birth of the modern society. If there weren't the Plague eradicating a third of the labor force, the price of labor would've never went up, and maybe the West wouldn't need to import slaves. Peasants and craftsmen managed to raise their wages because suddenly there was a shortage of labor. For a short time it felt good to be a working class, and the aristocracy had nowhere to outsource their problems but treat their servants better. That lead to a mental shift which, in my opinion, set the wheels into motion to a new age. Now, why I'm digressing to that? Because I secretly feel like that's what is needed to happen here and now. As Elizabeth Warren would say: "The game is rigged." Capitalism offers dreams of wealth and comfort, but these are just dreams and nothing else; real life happens in the slums and decaying suburbias. Just like the medieval aristocracy offered a dream of doing heroic deeds that would grant you a title and land, it was just a dream that, as in the present time, no more than 1% of people could attain. That's how I explain the recent adoration of the post-apocalyptic myth in the western culture, which flowered in the last 20 years. In the 1960s people dreamed of love, and in the 2000s people dream of aliens, zombies, nukes or viruses wiping everything so a new set of cards might be dealt...

Digressing again on the yoloism. Most children in the US are born in September, guess why? Drunken Christmas and New Year eves are very inviting. Every major power outage makes a peak in childbirths 9 months later. Dad used to tell me of old, old times in East Serbia, where people would have 5 or 6 children. There was no television, no books, no telephones or internet. Sex and booze were the only entertainment. I can't say if I'd cherish that kind of world, really.

I'm sorry to say that people in modern Serbia enjoy using our people's scientific and technical achievements to prove superiority. Whenever there's a fundamental scientific discovery in physics, most, if not all comments attribute it to Nikola Tesla. "He discovered that hundred years ago but the CIA kept it secret." Needless to say, some historians (even some in the Academy of Sciences) are publishing books which state that Serbs are the oldest civilization who arrived on Earth by interstellar spaceships. I mean, they aren't on drugs, and they aren't scientologists either. Completely wicked, though.
To quote Laibach:
Out of the feudal darkness
We stand alone in history
Facing east in sacrifice

Now, good thing about East Europe is that it's population is slowly getting distilled. Those who are against the government politics or the way their rights are treated, instead of acting subversively and trying to change things, they just emigrate to greener pastures. Given enough time, most of the intelligent and talented people would leave, and the remaining tar residue would keep supporting the regime. That's what Stalin did wrong - he shouldn't have killed millions in Gulags, he should've let them go into the world, let the immigrants rebuild their lives and careers, then wait for nostalgia to bring them back, this time with full pockets.

If Serbia didn't have an influx of around 2-3 billion USD of gästarbeiter dotations, it would have been like Somalia or Syria, and everything would fall into anarchy. Diaspora keeps the homeland on resuscitation, that's the hard lesson some of East Europe had learnt. Let all the smart and gay kids leave on their own, and they'll send money back to their stuck parents and friends. This money, spent domestically on extremely high cost of living (e.g. food costs the same as in EU, while wages are 1/10), goes straight to feed the oligarchy. The ones who remain in the muddy pit are double restrained: the corrupt and incapable local government is keeping them as hostages, while the 'developed' countries are refusing to accept the new fleeing people as asylum seekers or economic immigrants. Did you know Serbia's been recently declared a 'safe country', where human rights are ensured? What irony. In a year or so, most EU members would just cut the endless spam of useless poor people escaping Serbia. Russia would probably follow, with Romania, Bulgaria, Ukraine, etc. I really don't know what would be oligarchies' answer to this. I suppose totalitarism could happen next... Truly we live in interesting times! :)


Alright, now onwards to non-cardiological problems of the heart! Here's how my blues got rolling.

I've been in denial for the good part of my early years. Until my mid-twenties I've never really considered coming out, not even meeting anyone. That stems back from living in a dysfunctional family which resulted from an arranged marriage, but let's not dive deeper than that.

(Actually, my answer was much longer than this; in case you wanna know the TL;DR part, I pasted it here: https://paste.ee/p/RSASR)

Foxie and I met in december 2012, and the meet was quite a shocking experience for me. Not because I was first meeting a gay dude from my own country, but because he turned out to be not how I imagined he would look like.

Let me put it this way: when we met, said hello, and shook hands, one half of my brain screamed: "No, no, you don't wanna be with this guy, he's ugly, he has queer manners, he looks like a fucking pussy, he's damaged goods, he looks incredibly old for his age, go, leave this fag and run home!"

While other half of my brain kept the other half in reins: "Okay, stop. Calm down. Be nice to him, he's the only guy you got now. Who else would want to date the evil ratty douchebag like you? Who knows, if you stay long enough with him, you'd start hating the gays and become straight."

Two years had passed.

As he lived in another city, we could meet only at weekends. We met one or two times per month. He'd come by bus, I'd drive him home. We'd eat pizza, watch movies, grope, have sex. He's crazy in love with me; sometimes I think his love might drown me. First few meets it's been almost nice; I've tried many things Wuff wouldn't let me back in 2012. But during out last meet, I had to close my eyes and imagine something else to be able to concentrate and cum properly. Even after I came I felt a pang, hypersensitivity going wrong places; like my body protested for being used to please another.

We had good days, bad days, but all in all, we fit kinda okay. He's so crazy in love, that I'm giving him to do some software work for my company, and he's doing it for free. Professional coders would charge $2000 a month to do things he's doing free of charge. Can you now imagine how crazy he's into me?

A creature I disliked so much is loving me equally as much. He admitted to me: "You're the man of my life. If you leave me, I will live in celibacy, and won't date any guy ever again." I couldn't leave him... This might be a pure emotional BDSM; a heart-wrenching torture without physical harm.

Remember the incredibly evil thing I said to my dad, months before he'd die? "I'll wait for you to die, than I'll have my fun." There you have it, Lannister rat. God fulfilled your desire. He's dead now; you're the head of the family now; you can do whatever you like.

What would I want? Hell, I don't know that myself anymore.

I'll be 31 this year, and I can only feel depressed for wasting my best years of youth. Since 2012 and the Wuff episode, I've grown 15 lbs of fat. No point in looking good when you're not looking for a guy.

What did I want when I was 23 or 25? I wanted to try everything. I wanted to go to gay cafes, clubs, to fuck, to date all kinds of guys I liked. But the closet and my cognitive dissonance asphyxiated those desires. I convinced myself the gay would go away and I'd be normal straight guy next year.

Now that I've matured, instead of going to Amsterdam orgies or enjoying myself in dark rooms of Berlin, I'm stuck with Foxie in a semi-LDR. He's older than me; I can't stand to watch his face (closing eyes when you kiss, that's a good strategy). I don't hate him, I cannot hate him. He's probably the best thing which happened to me after Wuff. But I can't leave him, he doesn't deserve that. I can't cheat him either, that would destroy the poor vulpine. Wuff didn't deserve me, Foxie does.

There's two ways ouf of this. I need to learn how to love and have hots for Foxie as much as he loves me. Can one do that? Can you love a person you don't feel strong sexual attraction to?
Or, I could try talking with him about an open relationship. I don't know how he'd react to that. Might be good to try asking him once we're together IRL.


Okay, that was exhausting. Please remind me to never write this much again! :3