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So I've been thinking about relationships
11 years ago
The following is actually a several week old post I made on my Facebook account. Something mainly directed at friends and family. But I've decided to post it here because I'm curious to see how my watchers respond to this if it all.
original Post made, December 27, 2014 at 5:19pm
"So after having this question asked to me by my little sister a couple times and again by one of her friend's parents. And realizing for some of the people I know might have at one point or another thought about this question as well. I figured maybe it's best that after all these years. I finally just get it off my chest and let the chips fall where they may. Might lose a friend or two over it. May lose some respect for it. But hey, whatever happens, happens.
That question being "Kwame/Kyanbu, why are you still single at age 25 going on 26? You're a great guy and you at least seem like you'd do fine in a relationship. " And in the case of one of the parents of a friend of my little sister. I was at one point told I'd be a pretty good dad. And well here's my answer.
From High School through Collage I was actually actively trying to avoid a relationship as much as possible. I knew that my youthful days were numbered at that point and wanted to just spend them enjoying life as much as I could in a manner I felt conferrable in. Staying single and hanging out with friends, was the way I wanted to spend my final teen years. I had fun, and can firmly say I have no regrets. Well out side of not getting a job back then when I promised myself I would a bit for petty reasons (cards and Video games). But that's a story for another time.
Anyway. By that point some would tell me I could have had the best of both a relationship and stay hanging out with pals without losing a single one of my hobbies at the time. And you're right I've come to learn that it could have worked out. Heck I know some of my close pals are living proof of that. But at the time I feared the stress of trying to maintain one would have made a relationship a burden. And given how stressful my life got after high school from my embarrassing failures are Camden County Collage. Handling the fact that I may have ADD very poorly. Though I've learned to live with it and have even adapted to it quite well (controlled multitasking for the win!). Helping my mom and Andrew take care of my little sister. My Grandfather on my mother's side passing away almost out of the blue. My Grandmother (mother's side again) slowly dying of and eventually passing away from cancer. And the thought of my dream as a game dev going up in smoke. Not getting a Girlfriend/Boyfriend was probably a good call. I wasn't exactly stable confidence wise at the time. A recent car ride home from church with my mother did make me realize that given everything that was happening at the time. even if I did well in collage, my education there would have been cut short anyway... wow I ended up telling that story after all lol.
But there's more to it then that. I also didn't do it because I didn't want anything getting in the way of my dream to develop games. even if it's just end's up being a hobby with financial benefits. And thanks to the indi boom taking the game industry by storm. Game development getting cheaper for indi devs like myself. And good old self studying to make up for my current lack of schooling. Improved a lot with artwork and I'm technically at novice/entry level when it comes to programming and pretty soon basic music composition. For a while now it feels like that dream is coming true. Not the way I though it would but at least I have control over the project. And I'm making progress. A petty reason I know, but I haven't exactly had the chance to date either so no harm done in my opinion.
And the last big reason. I'm financially crippled...still. Well technically I do have a job as a free lance artist taking up commissions where ever they may come (most recently from the furry fandom). but I don't make much money from that and honestly don't plan on making it anything more then a nice stream of side income along side profits from the game "D-Resonate Sonata of the Phantasm", and eventually ad revenue from my youtube channel once I get around to setting that up. And a day job hopefully. And stock trading but this economy may have killed that plan lol. Anyway because I don't make much at the moment. I'd be too much of a dead weight to him/her. We wouldn't be able to do much off of only one person's spend change. And living together would be a financial nightmare for him/her. Not to mention it wouldn't feel right. I don't like the thought of him/her or the people we know thinking I'm mooching off of him/her.
Will I ever consider dating? Yes, once I'm financially stable, I'll be available and won't be actively dodging/friend zoning people. Though it will be me looking for a girlfriend. But I will stay open to that other side of my spectrum. Am I'm scared of the thought of being alone for all of my life? No, that's silly, I have all of you folks plus my fans. I will never be alone, ever... might get a cat though. XD But I'm not gonna rush things. If it happens, awesome! If not then well I'm not just gonna stop everything. I'm gonna keep living my life. I'm not going to waste time trying to find love, when it better to let it find you.
So there you all have it. My answer to that nearly decade old question. And I'm sure you all might have also notice that I confessed something else about myself here too. Like I said in the beginning. Let the chips fall were they may.
Whatever happens...happens. "
In hind sight I actually will consider dating once I'm more stable later this year/next year. Mainly because for the first time in years... I actually want to find that special someone in my life. Where ever she may be.
-Later
original Post made, December 27, 2014 at 5:19pm
"So after having this question asked to me by my little sister a couple times and again by one of her friend's parents. And realizing for some of the people I know might have at one point or another thought about this question as well. I figured maybe it's best that after all these years. I finally just get it off my chest and let the chips fall where they may. Might lose a friend or two over it. May lose some respect for it. But hey, whatever happens, happens.
That question being "Kwame/Kyanbu, why are you still single at age 25 going on 26? You're a great guy and you at least seem like you'd do fine in a relationship. " And in the case of one of the parents of a friend of my little sister. I was at one point told I'd be a pretty good dad. And well here's my answer.
From High School through Collage I was actually actively trying to avoid a relationship as much as possible. I knew that my youthful days were numbered at that point and wanted to just spend them enjoying life as much as I could in a manner I felt conferrable in. Staying single and hanging out with friends, was the way I wanted to spend my final teen years. I had fun, and can firmly say I have no regrets. Well out side of not getting a job back then when I promised myself I would a bit for petty reasons (cards and Video games). But that's a story for another time.
Anyway. By that point some would tell me I could have had the best of both a relationship and stay hanging out with pals without losing a single one of my hobbies at the time. And you're right I've come to learn that it could have worked out. Heck I know some of my close pals are living proof of that. But at the time I feared the stress of trying to maintain one would have made a relationship a burden. And given how stressful my life got after high school from my embarrassing failures are Camden County Collage. Handling the fact that I may have ADD very poorly. Though I've learned to live with it and have even adapted to it quite well (controlled multitasking for the win!). Helping my mom and Andrew take care of my little sister. My Grandfather on my mother's side passing away almost out of the blue. My Grandmother (mother's side again) slowly dying of and eventually passing away from cancer. And the thought of my dream as a game dev going up in smoke. Not getting a Girlfriend/Boyfriend was probably a good call. I wasn't exactly stable confidence wise at the time. A recent car ride home from church with my mother did make me realize that given everything that was happening at the time. even if I did well in collage, my education there would have been cut short anyway... wow I ended up telling that story after all lol.
But there's more to it then that. I also didn't do it because I didn't want anything getting in the way of my dream to develop games. even if it's just end's up being a hobby with financial benefits. And thanks to the indi boom taking the game industry by storm. Game development getting cheaper for indi devs like myself. And good old self studying to make up for my current lack of schooling. Improved a lot with artwork and I'm technically at novice/entry level when it comes to programming and pretty soon basic music composition. For a while now it feels like that dream is coming true. Not the way I though it would but at least I have control over the project. And I'm making progress. A petty reason I know, but I haven't exactly had the chance to date either so no harm done in my opinion.
And the last big reason. I'm financially crippled...still. Well technically I do have a job as a free lance artist taking up commissions where ever they may come (most recently from the furry fandom). but I don't make much money from that and honestly don't plan on making it anything more then a nice stream of side income along side profits from the game "D-Resonate Sonata of the Phantasm", and eventually ad revenue from my youtube channel once I get around to setting that up. And a day job hopefully. And stock trading but this economy may have killed that plan lol. Anyway because I don't make much at the moment. I'd be too much of a dead weight to him/her. We wouldn't be able to do much off of only one person's spend change. And living together would be a financial nightmare for him/her. Not to mention it wouldn't feel right. I don't like the thought of him/her or the people we know thinking I'm mooching off of him/her.
Will I ever consider dating? Yes, once I'm financially stable, I'll be available and won't be actively dodging/friend zoning people. Though it will be me looking for a girlfriend. But I will stay open to that other side of my spectrum. Am I'm scared of the thought of being alone for all of my life? No, that's silly, I have all of you folks plus my fans. I will never be alone, ever... might get a cat though. XD But I'm not gonna rush things. If it happens, awesome! If not then well I'm not just gonna stop everything. I'm gonna keep living my life. I'm not going to waste time trying to find love, when it better to let it find you.
So there you all have it. My answer to that nearly decade old question. And I'm sure you all might have also notice that I confessed something else about myself here too. Like I said in the beginning. Let the chips fall were they may.
Whatever happens...happens. "
In hind sight I actually will consider dating once I'm more stable later this year/next year. Mainly because for the first time in years... I actually want to find that special someone in my life. Where ever she may be.
-Later
