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About ready to give up on talking to most of FA
11 years ago
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Hiya; the lucky lil folf has something to say... :3
Before I say anything else, let me say that suicide is a very serious thing; if you are feeling so low that it feels like it is becoming an option then seek help and not from a random stranger and fool on the internet like me. No matter what you think it is never worth it, and it hurts more then just you and it hurts them a lot more then you think it does.
So many people that come to talk to me normally eventually send me a suicide note with reasons that amount to them not being as popular as they want to be... Or I'm not willing to fulfill their every command so that must mean that I hate them right? And if a single person hates you that means you should tell them you want to kill yourself to try and make them feel like an ass and gain their sympathy right? 8D Truth is, the majority of you who say this probably live a more pampered life then most others. For example, do you have clean water? Can you at least eat one good meal in a day? Do you have electricity in your home? Well guess what; you're living with a hell of a lot more then many other people on this planet have.
I almost did something to myself once because I was afraid that I would never be anything but a burden upon anyone around me, and that I would never be about to do for them all the things they help me with but I worked my way out of it, and found that when there are barriers there are ways to overcome them or subvert them so that I could still be useful to people. Because of this I know what it feels like to reach that low point and nothing can make me angrier faster then to see people throw around hollow suicide threats yet people still seem to love to do it with messages to me.
It makes me wonder, do I do something to pull this out of people? Even my IRL brother has been doing it. Is it common for people just to seek love through guilt? I've avoided trying to get close to anyone until I started interacting with others online here, so I don't rightly know, but you are a horrible person in my mind if you feel you have to use guilt to get attention. Especially with such a serious topic as suicide.
With the serious stuff said, there is also the problem with people getting extremely angry if I don't agree to do for them everything they want when I don't want to. If it says I don't draw porn on my page then don't ask for porn. When you see my drawings, you should know that if it's not cute and cuddly I don't wanna doodle it. It stress me out enough that I can't be helpful enough to oblige every demand that people make of me. Jabbing at myself because of my inadequacies is something I do regularly, but it's a lot harder to get past when I see my thoughts echoed back at me by others even when I know they're only saying them because they're mad at me.
When I first came here it was because I wanted to find somewhere I can fit into and I have made some amazing friends here, but I am being bombarded by so much negativity from so many others that it is getting harder and harder to paint on a smile. On top of that I have been sick for so damned long with whatever this chest cold that wont go away is and am constantly fighting back my own horrible thoughts as I don't want to pull anyone else down and burden them with my thoughts, despite lots of offers from others willing to listen so no need to offer, I just can't handle doing it. I'm finding it hard to even come online and chat with more then just those who I feel closest to most often because i can never tell when people are going to turn around and show that they are a hateful ass like so many others on here.
I know that a lot of you are amazing and wonderful in your own ways, and I love you so much for it and I really do want to help when things are going sour for you, but I can't do more then be an ear for you. I don't want to have to deny that to the few who do come to me to feel better because I'm too weak hearted to handle a constant stream of pessimism and selfish attention seeking desires.
Anyway, sorry if this brings anyone down as it does me; I hate posting bleh journals... I'm gonna go collapse in bed and clear my mind to shake these feelings, while hoping that some people can learn to grow some common sense.
So many people that come to talk to me normally eventually send me a suicide note with reasons that amount to them not being as popular as they want to be... Or I'm not willing to fulfill their every command so that must mean that I hate them right? And if a single person hates you that means you should tell them you want to kill yourself to try and make them feel like an ass and gain their sympathy right? 8D Truth is, the majority of you who say this probably live a more pampered life then most others. For example, do you have clean water? Can you at least eat one good meal in a day? Do you have electricity in your home? Well guess what; you're living with a hell of a lot more then many other people on this planet have.
I almost did something to myself once because I was afraid that I would never be anything but a burden upon anyone around me, and that I would never be about to do for them all the things they help me with but I worked my way out of it, and found that when there are barriers there are ways to overcome them or subvert them so that I could still be useful to people. Because of this I know what it feels like to reach that low point and nothing can make me angrier faster then to see people throw around hollow suicide threats yet people still seem to love to do it with messages to me.
It makes me wonder, do I do something to pull this out of people? Even my IRL brother has been doing it. Is it common for people just to seek love through guilt? I've avoided trying to get close to anyone until I started interacting with others online here, so I don't rightly know, but you are a horrible person in my mind if you feel you have to use guilt to get attention. Especially with such a serious topic as suicide.
With the serious stuff said, there is also the problem with people getting extremely angry if I don't agree to do for them everything they want when I don't want to. If it says I don't draw porn on my page then don't ask for porn. When you see my drawings, you should know that if it's not cute and cuddly I don't wanna doodle it. It stress me out enough that I can't be helpful enough to oblige every demand that people make of me. Jabbing at myself because of my inadequacies is something I do regularly, but it's a lot harder to get past when I see my thoughts echoed back at me by others even when I know they're only saying them because they're mad at me.
When I first came here it was because I wanted to find somewhere I can fit into and I have made some amazing friends here, but I am being bombarded by so much negativity from so many others that it is getting harder and harder to paint on a smile. On top of that I have been sick for so damned long with whatever this chest cold that wont go away is and am constantly fighting back my own horrible thoughts as I don't want to pull anyone else down and burden them with my thoughts, despite lots of offers from others willing to listen so no need to offer, I just can't handle doing it. I'm finding it hard to even come online and chat with more then just those who I feel closest to most often because i can never tell when people are going to turn around and show that they are a hateful ass like so many others on here.
I know that a lot of you are amazing and wonderful in your own ways, and I love you so much for it and I really do want to help when things are going sour for you, but I can't do more then be an ear for you. I don't want to have to deny that to the few who do come to me to feel better because I'm too weak hearted to handle a constant stream of pessimism and selfish attention seeking desires.
Anyway, sorry if this brings anyone down as it does me; I hate posting bleh journals... I'm gonna go collapse in bed and clear my mind to shake these feelings, while hoping that some people can learn to grow some common sense.
Yes, if they struggle to find other means of finding love.
Try not to let them get to you Erin. Just remember all the people that actually care about you.
How could someone even consider sending one the nicest people I have met here on FA, a suicide note, and much more so then that, blame you for the reason of them wanting to do the deed only because you wouldn't sketch something for them. It that were me, I would almost instantly regret sending you something like that, cause all you do is give to others. There is absolutely no reason why this should have happened to you Erin, and I am very and truly sorry that you had to be the one this person would try to hurt. If I were him, I would feel ashamed for even mentioning the word suicide, especially over a trivial reason.
If you ever want to talk, you have both my FA and my Skype, and both of which is always open to you, no matter the time of day. Don't let this one person bring you down Erin, I hate to see any of friends brought down because of somebody's reckless actions, if you ever feel like you need somebody to talk to, you can always come to me.
Also, no worries about letting this get to me. It may be able to sometimes with all the time people are butts like this, but I always bounce back, cus lil folfs are always bouncy ^_^
i have horrible depression so i understand how its like, i have never attempted to guilt trip anyone though bluh, i hate when it happens to others
Btw... you should add me on Skype. :P I'd love to talk to you sometime.
That being said ita time for a sentimental Woof to say some words. Erin you have brought me such ridiculous amounts of happiness that if I could put it in a jar the jar would break. You have done way more for me than I think you know, and honestly, I enjoy every time you come into chat and talk with myself and the gang. You are a part of the big group of people I find myself working extra hard to think of ideas for because I want to give you cute little gifts to try and help brighten your day. I know you said dont say it, but tough im going to. I will Always be there if you need someone to vent to and I dont want you to hesitate to do so if you just need an ear, I have two big ones, sona and human.
There is always going to be someone who tries to use negativity to get what they want. It is sad that people can be so crazily rude. We all live in this one world together, and when we are so quick to treat someone so wrongly, we will be quick to ruin what little chance at happiness we might all have. Im sorry this is happening to you Erin, and excuse my language, but it's horse shit. Someone who puts smiles on so many peoples faces should not have to deal with this outragous crappy behavior of these petty persons. Suicide is not something to use as a threat to get what you want, ever. Doing so makes you a part of whats wrong with society. Seek help not vengeance.
Anyways thats a lot of words, hehe sorry. Wub you Cloverbutt, try to smile or ill sit onya!!!!!! An I has a big butt!!!!!
Love you lots.
- This happens to me, only perhaps in another form. It's like when I tell someone what my personal boundaries are they get angry or tell me they feel hurt cause there are some things I don't like. Even if it had nothing to do with them. :/
As far as the suicide thing goes this is how I deal with it, I ask myself these questions, because I want to point out sometimes you may *want* to be there for someone. Nobody however should make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to.:
1) Am I friends with this person (yes even online there is a difference between acquaintance and friend and I've had to learn that the hard way)? Is this person someone I'm close to? If they are then I'll try to let them talk about their *feelings*. It's okay to feel a certain way after all. Though even that should have it's limits. If I'm not sure or don't really know the person I tell them to talk to people they know irl. Really this is the safest thing after all. Those people can really help them. If they don't have someone I try to give them resources. You're not obligated to though, and they should know that. It's easy to find information of this kind online. This is if they don't meet criteria number 2.
2) Is this person attention seeking or serious? If I feel they are seeking attention, because not all suicidal people are, sometimes they are seeking help.. then we're done. There is never any reason to use that to make others feel obligated to be in your life. I've lost people near and dear to me this way, and I wish they had talked to me about it. I have been there with friends to help them too, but sometimes they didn't always like it. Nobody should *ever* use their troubles to make others feel bad. Though sometimes we may do so unintentionally.. this is a whole different level.
3) Are they really serious? If I feel someone's life is in immediate danger I know that I can only do so much. If I have to take action I report it, call the authorities, etc. Sorry that sucks and everything but, I cannot and will not put myself in physical danger despite having some training with those situations. I have helped *really* close friends in the past, and I don't mind being an ear, but sometimes the best thing is to let a professional help that person. In fact I did send an ambulance for one of my friends when I couldn't talk her down, and it saved her life. Not only that, but she got better (don't expect that to always be the right choice, use your own judgement or just don't get involved, you deserve to feel safe too). I'm glad I made that decision.
tl;dr: If someone is close to you, try to be there for them. But only as long as you are comfortable. If someone is doing it for attention then you should not feed into that, nor feel bad regardless of what they choose. Just let them be, they'll get over it eventually and realize how stupid it was. If you feel someone's life is in danger, call the authorities and/or report it to someone. Though I can't recommend that on here, do to long response times and the fact that they most likely won't take it seriously.
Others have also said to remember that you definitely do have some real friends here, and elsewhere, and to just remember that :3 Not everyone is gonna be a good friend, or even a BAD friend, but that's true of anyone - you can't please everyone, after all. But you're a wonderful and kind person, and I think it's safe to say you'll never really be alone here, as long as you're around <3
*hugs tight*
*huggles the sweety-gryph back* I don't know why, but "never really be alone" makes me so happy to read ^///^; I defiantly know who my real friends are on here, and you are the nicest and awesomest lil wiggly churring snuggle-gryph I've ever known, so you get lots of hearts from me <3 <3 <3
An' an' an' yay, glad ta be your buddy <3 <3 <3
I know what its like to be depressed,
I had and have more than my fair share of it.
Tho guilt tripping someone cause of it, is not the thing to do.
I know it may be hard to, depending how things are, blocking some of them may help.
Some only try to guilt trip you, if they do not get there way to make you feel bad, so they can get there way.
Like you said they need to grow some common sense, tho I think some can't do that.
I know I am quiet a lot, but me and others are here for you.
I am a happy dwaggie to know you. :3
*picks you up and gives a supper big huggle*
I probably am gonna try and use my block list more though; it might not help them too much to see any sort of reason, but it might at least help keep me from going coo coo like this again ^///^;
*hugs*
Sorry i don't have the strength to write a more insightful reply right now, but i hope you can get through this. :c
Note out...
It happened to me that a person (who said that he loved me) threated me with the suicide blackmail, and that really put me down, because i didn't know what to do and it felt like i was in a cage, forced to be with him, otherwise he would commit suicide. That was really.. bad for me and my psyche, so i totally understand what you're saying and i totally agree with the other: if someone do this to you, it means that he's not a real friend. I mean... sometimes i have very dark feelings, about never being existed and such things, but.. i have a pretty useful idea when i get those thinkings in my mind: push the others away.
I know.. this maybe will cause my friends hating me, but i cannot hurt them with my lowest point of being, and i choose to don't answer to anyone rather than hurt them with my pain. I prefer to bear my pain in loneliness, because i don't want to hurts people i love.