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A few random (negative) facts about Louisiana
11 years ago
Know a lot of you aren't anywhere near Louisiana so while I wait for my paycheck to come around (impatiently) I figured I'd share a few random (if somewhat depressing) facts with you guys.
- We dance at funerals.
Not because we're happy that the dude died, it's just our catharsis. It's not entirely uncommon for people in Louisiana to basically party it up whenever someone dies. (We usually save the emotions behind closed doors when even our families aren't around)
- Hate cockroaches? How about cockroaches with wings?
Yeah, these things are both massive and terrifying. They're about as long as your finger and have no qualms with flying directly at your face to avoid a broom.
- How about giant spiders?
The only spiders bigger than those in Louisiana (particularly Golden Orb Weavers) are located in South America or Australia. Seriously. They're massive and equally terrifying.
- We have a weird penchant for 'seafood'.
And by 'seafood' I mean anything that came out of a local pond or ditch. Crawfish (craybugs), any fresh water fish, frogs, snakes, alligators... If it is anywhere near the water in Louisiana, we're likely going to eat it.
- The humidity is abyssmal. The heat isworse.
And it never goes below 60%. Ever. I know a lot of people who live out in Texas/Arizona and what not complain about the heat whenever it hits 110/120... But you don't know true heat until you are sweltering in a pool of your own sweat in 100% humidity with 95-100 degrees bearing down on you. You practically drown in your own secretions.
- The bible belt is extreme.
We seriously have laws that allow for 'alternate teaching' in place of traditional science text books and there have been a few lawsuits with religious basis in regards to non-christians being harassed/persecuted by Christian teachers. Misfits are considered to 'alien themselves' rather than being accepted. In fact, our governor, Bobby Jindal, actually has a Biology Degree from Oxford and still contests that evolution has no grounds.
- At will employment.
Signed a five year contract with your employer? Doesn't matter. Louisiana is an 'At-will Employment' State, which means that your employer can fire you for any reason, at any time, regardless of circumstances. Contracts are effectively meaningless.
- We are the most corrupt state in the United States of America.
There are over 160 prisons in Louisiana and each one has plenty of incentive to keep inmates for as long as possible. Wardens get $25/day per inmate and trade them around like trading cards, exchanging prisoners to keep the populations high in all prisons they're associated with. There are a lot of archaic unenforceable laws in Louisiana that the United States Supreme Court has deemed unconstitutional, but that won't stop them from charging you to the fullest extent of the law every single time to make a profit off you.
In fact, 403 political officials have been convicted of corruption in the past decade and even former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is undergoing trial for accepting $200,000 in bribe money as well as using contracted benefits from Hurricane Katrina to invest in his own private vacations.
- Seventh worst Unemployment
6.7!
- We rank number 5 in Teen Pregnancy rates (as of 2010)
69/1000, to be exact.
- Sixth worst High School Graduation Rate
82.2%!
- Sixth worst Obesity
33.1%!
- Sixth worst Median Household Income
$41,734!
So, whenever you start to feel down... Something bad happened, can't seem to make ends meet, what have you.. Just remember: At least you're not a pregnant, obese, high school drop-out, low income welfare recipient (assuming you have a job), snacking on ditch critters while awaiting trial.
Or maybe you are. Which, if you are... ca viens?
- We dance at funerals.
Not because we're happy that the dude died, it's just our catharsis. It's not entirely uncommon for people in Louisiana to basically party it up whenever someone dies. (We usually save the emotions behind closed doors when even our families aren't around)
- Hate cockroaches? How about cockroaches with wings?
Yeah, these things are both massive and terrifying. They're about as long as your finger and have no qualms with flying directly at your face to avoid a broom.
- How about giant spiders?
The only spiders bigger than those in Louisiana (particularly Golden Orb Weavers) are located in South America or Australia. Seriously. They're massive and equally terrifying.
- We have a weird penchant for 'seafood'.
And by 'seafood' I mean anything that came out of a local pond or ditch. Crawfish (craybugs), any fresh water fish, frogs, snakes, alligators... If it is anywhere near the water in Louisiana, we're likely going to eat it.
- The humidity is abyssmal. The heat isworse.
And it never goes below 60%. Ever. I know a lot of people who live out in Texas/Arizona and what not complain about the heat whenever it hits 110/120... But you don't know true heat until you are sweltering in a pool of your own sweat in 100% humidity with 95-100 degrees bearing down on you. You practically drown in your own secretions.
- The bible belt is extreme.
We seriously have laws that allow for 'alternate teaching' in place of traditional science text books and there have been a few lawsuits with religious basis in regards to non-christians being harassed/persecuted by Christian teachers. Misfits are considered to 'alien themselves' rather than being accepted. In fact, our governor, Bobby Jindal, actually has a Biology Degree from Oxford and still contests that evolution has no grounds.
- At will employment.
Signed a five year contract with your employer? Doesn't matter. Louisiana is an 'At-will Employment' State, which means that your employer can fire you for any reason, at any time, regardless of circumstances. Contracts are effectively meaningless.
- We are the most corrupt state in the United States of America.
There are over 160 prisons in Louisiana and each one has plenty of incentive to keep inmates for as long as possible. Wardens get $25/day per inmate and trade them around like trading cards, exchanging prisoners to keep the populations high in all prisons they're associated with. There are a lot of archaic unenforceable laws in Louisiana that the United States Supreme Court has deemed unconstitutional, but that won't stop them from charging you to the fullest extent of the law every single time to make a profit off you.
In fact, 403 political officials have been convicted of corruption in the past decade and even former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is undergoing trial for accepting $200,000 in bribe money as well as using contracted benefits from Hurricane Katrina to invest in his own private vacations.
- Seventh worst Unemployment
6.7!
- We rank number 5 in Teen Pregnancy rates (as of 2010)
69/1000, to be exact.
- Sixth worst High School Graduation Rate
82.2%!
- Sixth worst Obesity
33.1%!
- Sixth worst Median Household Income
$41,734!
So, whenever you start to feel down... Something bad happened, can't seem to make ends meet, what have you.. Just remember: At least you're not a pregnant, obese, high school drop-out, low income welfare recipient (assuming you have a job), snacking on ditch critters while awaiting trial.
Or maybe you are. Which, if you are... ca viens?
Literary_Wolf
~literarywolf
Sad, sad state we live in.
