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Confused about my place here
10 years ago
So it's been about a year since I finally started opening up more to the Furry fandom. I started speaking to more people. Joined a couple of streams. And even finally started drawing on here (to the point where I feel I've gotten somewhat decent~). And it's resulted in me meeting a pretty decent number of people on here.~
But to be honest, I still kinda feel like I don't quite belong here. I dunno if it's because I'm still new here and people just don't know me very well? I think I've grown to realize that a lot of people on here are pretty shy, much like how I was. But I realized that not many people make much attempt to get to know who I am. Whenever I meet people, I try to get to know who they are. And that of course requires asking them questions about themselves. Cause how else can you get to know people? And well, I feel a lot of people haven't really returned the favor to me.
Can't help but make me wonder if there's something wrong with me. Do I not seem friendly? Or do I come off as intimidating or strange? And even if it was clear that the person was getting along fine with me, there's still no attempt from them to try and get to know who I am. Even when I go ahead and share some things about myself, they get kinda brushed aside like it was nothing. Now, I assume a lot of people on here probably just don't really know what to say, and prefer to be quiet or cautious. But that just leaves me wondering what I should do then? What can I possibly say to make people interested in me? I don't want to say I'm uninteresting, since I'm sure that's untrue (I know many would tell me that, which I'm thankful for). To anyone reading this, I apologize if I come off sounding rather narcissistic.
Now of course there's a few people on here who have gladly welcomed me with open arms.~ So I am forever thankful for that. ^__^ I just wish a few more people would be a bit more open to me. Oh Well.
I also kinda wonder if it's because my art skills aren't good enough yet? Like, do I need to be a faster artist? Do I need to have a more noticeable style? Do I just need to be better in general? I dunno if it's true or not, but do Furries generally attract friends more through their artwork, rather than their words? If that's the case, then I guess I've been doing it all wrong... I guess. :/ Feels kinda weird, the thought of "creating art to obtain friendship."
I should say, what exactly is my goal here on FurAffinity? What exactly do I want to achieve? Well, I've always enjoyed fat furs and weight gain. So I'd love to meet people who are into stuff like that (but certainly not limited to!). And I'd certainly love to meet people whom I can enjoy some time with, with our conversations and whatnot, as well as caring about who I am (me being a writer, artist, a gamer (particularly Crash and Spyro), and a tokusatsu fan). As well as people who can accept I have a weird furry side to myself (particularly Charmanders). And I don't mean just RPing.
Sometimes I wonder if people find me kinda boring or unimaginative as a Charmander. I mean sure, I enjoy a good RP here and there (though not limited to). But sometimes I wonder if I should've been something more exciting. I've tried spicing things up a bit by giving my Charmander-self some sorcery. But not sure if that did much at all. I've always had a thing for lizards, dragons, and reptiles in general. And I always had a thing for Charmanders. Besides RPing, I would love for at the very least to be acknowledged about my Furry side. At least, then I feel like I'll be fitting into this world of Furries. To feel like "one of them."
Sometimes I thought the Furry fandom would be a relaxed and open place where we all just have fun and goof off, and express our similar "weird" interests, and get to know each other. But I guess I was just naive. I've learned a lot of the fandom is very uptight and untrusting of each other, and takes a lot of things very seriously. And I do understand why. But sometimes... I feel a bit isolated as a result of it.
At the moment, I'm not really sure what I can do. Or if there's anything left to do at all. Or what my next move should be.
But to be honest, I still kinda feel like I don't quite belong here. I dunno if it's because I'm still new here and people just don't know me very well? I think I've grown to realize that a lot of people on here are pretty shy, much like how I was. But I realized that not many people make much attempt to get to know who I am. Whenever I meet people, I try to get to know who they are. And that of course requires asking them questions about themselves. Cause how else can you get to know people? And well, I feel a lot of people haven't really returned the favor to me.
Can't help but make me wonder if there's something wrong with me. Do I not seem friendly? Or do I come off as intimidating or strange? And even if it was clear that the person was getting along fine with me, there's still no attempt from them to try and get to know who I am. Even when I go ahead and share some things about myself, they get kinda brushed aside like it was nothing. Now, I assume a lot of people on here probably just don't really know what to say, and prefer to be quiet or cautious. But that just leaves me wondering what I should do then? What can I possibly say to make people interested in me? I don't want to say I'm uninteresting, since I'm sure that's untrue (I know many would tell me that, which I'm thankful for). To anyone reading this, I apologize if I come off sounding rather narcissistic.
Now of course there's a few people on here who have gladly welcomed me with open arms.~ So I am forever thankful for that. ^__^ I just wish a few more people would be a bit more open to me. Oh Well.
I also kinda wonder if it's because my art skills aren't good enough yet? Like, do I need to be a faster artist? Do I need to have a more noticeable style? Do I just need to be better in general? I dunno if it's true or not, but do Furries generally attract friends more through their artwork, rather than their words? If that's the case, then I guess I've been doing it all wrong... I guess. :/ Feels kinda weird, the thought of "creating art to obtain friendship."
I should say, what exactly is my goal here on FurAffinity? What exactly do I want to achieve? Well, I've always enjoyed fat furs and weight gain. So I'd love to meet people who are into stuff like that (but certainly not limited to!). And I'd certainly love to meet people whom I can enjoy some time with, with our conversations and whatnot, as well as caring about who I am (me being a writer, artist, a gamer (particularly Crash and Spyro), and a tokusatsu fan). As well as people who can accept I have a weird furry side to myself (particularly Charmanders). And I don't mean just RPing.
Sometimes I wonder if people find me kinda boring or unimaginative as a Charmander. I mean sure, I enjoy a good RP here and there (though not limited to). But sometimes I wonder if I should've been something more exciting. I've tried spicing things up a bit by giving my Charmander-self some sorcery. But not sure if that did much at all. I've always had a thing for lizards, dragons, and reptiles in general. And I always had a thing for Charmanders. Besides RPing, I would love for at the very least to be acknowledged about my Furry side. At least, then I feel like I'll be fitting into this world of Furries. To feel like "one of them."
Sometimes I thought the Furry fandom would be a relaxed and open place where we all just have fun and goof off, and express our similar "weird" interests, and get to know each other. But I guess I was just naive. I've learned a lot of the fandom is very uptight and untrusting of each other, and takes a lot of things very seriously. And I do understand why. But sometimes... I feel a bit isolated as a result of it.
At the moment, I'm not really sure what I can do. Or if there's anything left to do at all. Or what my next move should be.
A whole year, nice job! And your art is definitely improving.
"I feel like I don't belong here" What even are you talking about! that's nonsense man, be who you want to and go where you want to is what I say.
yeah, I am shy quite often as well, and its not that No-one wants to know you, maybe people aren't just as upfront and willing to say stuff (which with people like that puts me in the "too shy too talk most-of-the-time" category) and you definitely aren't strange or un-friendly either so don't take or think of it like that.
Art itself is what I find to just be a thing made to sort of express yourself and your feelings, not make friends, you make friends by talking and being yourself around others, and although art can be like a gateway and a notice-ment towards finding more people, it itself is not like a handshake between to people that says "we're friends now".
"Goals" on furaffinity? Is there really such a thing? I myself just use it to look at art and maybe listen to a few songs or play some games that people have made, not to achieve any "goals" necessarily. Friend making and getting known is what I only see to be a side-note, where-as expressing your "furry self" through art or speech or whatever you can put on here is what it is made for.
Nah man, just because you like to focus on a charmander as a form of "you" doesn't make you un-imaginative, you just really like charmanders and about this "one of them" thing, I feel like your treating this like some sort of cult or something, you should just be here to be here, don't stress yourself out man.
I just use this place to say shiz I feel like saying and looking at art, i'm probably just too lazy to be involved
"weird interests" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
and for what you should keep doing/do next, I can't really say, you just live your life, chill, be with the people you love and know, and do what you want
Yeah, I hesitated on saying "I feel like I don't belong here" since that sounds like such a typical and narcissistic thing to say. Since a lot of the times, it really is indeed untrue.
You're right, people are indeed not upfront or willing to say stuff. I too was like that for quite a few years before I started opening up. Though I didn't talk to anyone at all during those few years. Not even once. xD And d'awww, thanks AJ! That means a lot to me! =D From the few times I spoke to you, you're a pretty cool dude yourself~ ^__^
You're right on the art thing AJ. Excellent description! Approaching art that way is indeed a good way to approach it.~ ^__^
You know, you're right on the "Goals" thing. How ironic. I bring up how Furries seem to take their Furry life very seriously on here. And here I am, doing the same thing, lol. Definitely gotta relax and loosen up.~
Thanks AJ! CHAR CHAR!! ^^ Yeah, I guess I am treating it kinda like a cult, lol. Even if somewhat subconsciously. xD But yeah again, I indeed shouldn't take it all so seriously.
"weird interests" I see... hehehehe xD
Thanks a bunch for commenting AJ! I really appreciate it. What you said really helped me out a lot. I feel like I can relax and see things a bit more clearly right now.~ Thanks a bunch dude! -hugs- ^___^