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Hey I wanted to say something to everyone here and more.
11 years ago
General
Thank you for being awesome, wonderful, and amazing people. For all the watches, faves, comments, you know all of the wonderful things. But while all of those things are very nice to see and have, what's really nice is how wonderful all of you are and how kind all of you are.
I have been thinking about writing this kind of thing for a little while now, especially after having a tough time of getting onto my feet with a combo of listening to something interesting today. That being a bit of a eulogy for someone who has died very recently who brought a lot of people smiles, laughter, and just overall happiness, and was also overall a very optimistic person who was incredibly talented.
It made me question what I have been doing with my life, laying down trying to understand things, pick up the pieces while using my own happiness and optimism to try and help other people get on their feet while at the same time I still try to pick up what amounts to the pieces of the door to Boo's room from Monster's Inc. Basically the comparison I am trying to make is that my life has splintered into many different pieces and keeps breaking down into even more splintered pieces, while everyone else is either struggling or trying to get themselves up on their feet and I say "oh hey there, what can I do to help." I mean, I do like helping people, I really really do. But there comes a time when one asks themselves, what about me?
For the last year, and a couple more years added, with the exception of the year 2013, I have been feeling rather lost, upset, hurt, and lonely. I feel like the ideas I give people these days aren't all that original anymore, that I have lost what amounts to the oil that keeps the gears going. I don't exactly feel happy but i want to be. I want to be more optimistic, much more talented, where I'm not just treading through life in what amounts to a pair of broken sneakers and my head looking down, with where it feels like people try to use me for their own happiness. It seems like I am stuck, and I probably am, and am going to be for some time. Many of my own friends online, as I have very few in real life, none even remotely close to me in terms of geographic location, know about the situation I am in. The problem is everything is so far away from me and I don't have the ability to get anywhere even if I could try.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, I want to hang out with people or at least go to meetings, not parties where I know no one. I'm not too social of a person, at least not in real life, because I'll let you know this. I have Aspergers Syndrome, it's only very mild, and most people don't even notice it when talking to me much anymore. Is that an excuse for my hard time socializing? No it isn't, but it is a part of it. I want to go to places with people I am friends with, people who I feel a connection to. Maybe part of the problem is that because I have a hard time socializing, that I have trouble making friends and I don't know how to connect with people, that I don't have many friends in my immediate location... Hmmm... that could be it.
Another issue is that I don't feel like I'm talented or helpful enough to people. So I try to help everyone where I can and when I can, giving ideas and creativity, as well as advice for art and how to help friends at times. Yet I can't apply that to myself somehow, I have no clue why. Well actually I am pretty creative when it comes to me having the tools already. I'm pretty good at decorating a lot of cool things, or rather building things. I play games where I build entire worlds, while they may be old I have fun with them, I spend hours in building them. I dunno if this is art, or if it's not but I know where to put things and how they should look to bring out a natural beauty. I have an example of that right here. https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2764yvg9.....3S6WUIC4a?dl=0 https://www.dropbox.com/sh/rgivc6xda5nyz98/AADvallziIAymGL2qwsrTLPra?dl=0 I wonder what you guys think, I feel satisfied with it. I also am pretty proud of how I did things in old games of mine, Oblivion, Fallout 3 and New Vegas. It was always fun building things that have stories to them. Yeah maybe that's it....
So here's the thing... If any of you ever want to play games or talk to me or whatever, just send me a note and I'd like to do that. If any of you would like to try to hang out with my physically (which would be VERY hard to do), I would heavily appreciate it. You guys have been absolutely awesome in supporting me with your watches, faves, comments, and everything. So I guess I should come out of my shell and be more social and creative. If you guys want to ask things, or hang out, or something let me know. I want to be able to hang out with people more, but at the same time I don't want to always cater to people's happiness. I want to grow, but I don't want to stand still. I want to help people, but I don't want to not help myself. I want to be creative, but I don't want to lay around the same place.
So thank you everyone for just everything, if you want to ask me anything or do anything let me know.
Dialuca01
TL:DR Not sure what to put here, a little all over the place in thoughts. But basically, thank you and lets hang out. Please read the rest though, otherwise you are going to miss a lot...
I have been thinking about writing this kind of thing for a little while now, especially after having a tough time of getting onto my feet with a combo of listening to something interesting today. That being a bit of a eulogy for someone who has died very recently who brought a lot of people smiles, laughter, and just overall happiness, and was also overall a very optimistic person who was incredibly talented.
It made me question what I have been doing with my life, laying down trying to understand things, pick up the pieces while using my own happiness and optimism to try and help other people get on their feet while at the same time I still try to pick up what amounts to the pieces of the door to Boo's room from Monster's Inc. Basically the comparison I am trying to make is that my life has splintered into many different pieces and keeps breaking down into even more splintered pieces, while everyone else is either struggling or trying to get themselves up on their feet and I say "oh hey there, what can I do to help." I mean, I do like helping people, I really really do. But there comes a time when one asks themselves, what about me?
For the last year, and a couple more years added, with the exception of the year 2013, I have been feeling rather lost, upset, hurt, and lonely. I feel like the ideas I give people these days aren't all that original anymore, that I have lost what amounts to the oil that keeps the gears going. I don't exactly feel happy but i want to be. I want to be more optimistic, much more talented, where I'm not just treading through life in what amounts to a pair of broken sneakers and my head looking down, with where it feels like people try to use me for their own happiness. It seems like I am stuck, and I probably am, and am going to be for some time. Many of my own friends online, as I have very few in real life, none even remotely close to me in terms of geographic location, know about the situation I am in. The problem is everything is so far away from me and I don't have the ability to get anywhere even if I could try.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, I want to hang out with people or at least go to meetings, not parties where I know no one. I'm not too social of a person, at least not in real life, because I'll let you know this. I have Aspergers Syndrome, it's only very mild, and most people don't even notice it when talking to me much anymore. Is that an excuse for my hard time socializing? No it isn't, but it is a part of it. I want to go to places with people I am friends with, people who I feel a connection to. Maybe part of the problem is that because I have a hard time socializing, that I have trouble making friends and I don't know how to connect with people, that I don't have many friends in my immediate location... Hmmm... that could be it.
Another issue is that I don't feel like I'm talented or helpful enough to people. So I try to help everyone where I can and when I can, giving ideas and creativity, as well as advice for art and how to help friends at times. Yet I can't apply that to myself somehow, I have no clue why. Well actually I am pretty creative when it comes to me having the tools already. I'm pretty good at decorating a lot of cool things, or rather building things. I play games where I build entire worlds, while they may be old I have fun with them, I spend hours in building them. I dunno if this is art, or if it's not but I know where to put things and how they should look to bring out a natural beauty. I have an example of that right here. https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2764yvg9.....3S6WUIC4a?dl=0 https://www.dropbox.com/sh/rgivc6xda5nyz98/AADvallziIAymGL2qwsrTLPra?dl=0 I wonder what you guys think, I feel satisfied with it. I also am pretty proud of how I did things in old games of mine, Oblivion, Fallout 3 and New Vegas. It was always fun building things that have stories to them. Yeah maybe that's it....
So here's the thing... If any of you ever want to play games or talk to me or whatever, just send me a note and I'd like to do that. If any of you would like to try to hang out with my physically (which would be VERY hard to do), I would heavily appreciate it. You guys have been absolutely awesome in supporting me with your watches, faves, comments, and everything. So I guess I should come out of my shell and be more social and creative. If you guys want to ask things, or hang out, or something let me know. I want to be able to hang out with people more, but at the same time I don't want to always cater to people's happiness. I want to grow, but I don't want to stand still. I want to help people, but I don't want to not help myself. I want to be creative, but I don't want to lay around the same place.
So thank you everyone for just everything, if you want to ask me anything or do anything let me know.
Dialuca01
TL:DR Not sure what to put here, a little all over the place in thoughts. But basically, thank you and lets hang out. Please read the rest though, otherwise you are going to miss a lot...
It's because i find it difficult to put up an argument. i do play a lots of games, but at times, yes is still hard for me.
I kinda passed your same situation in 2013-2014. i managed to make myself "Try" to talk to others.
I used to never contact anyone, 95% of the times because i was always afraid to bother, afraid to be ignored, or just feel "not enough" toward some.
I'm always the first in line to call friends to hangout with, if i had someone around here ^^''
Sadly as you know, i live in europe. but i want to let you know, that if i was in there, i would totally ask you to hangout.
Together with some others, the more we are, the more is the fun (i personally prefer small groups like 3-4 because too many would put me in confusion)
I do enjoy a lot fooling around, or Pizzeria or restourant. Things that friends usually does together.
Dunno if this will make you feel slightly better or not, just wanted to let you know that, if i was in there, i'd love to fool around with you.
Back to the first part I too would love to hang out with other people but right now I am in no position to do so. I really hope things change for you bud
Move at your own pace, do what you enjoy, focus on the things in life that make you happy, no matter how small, and try to attain the state of mind where you can meet the rest with a smile.
And remember: you're not alone.