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Vent/rant
11 years ago
General
I'm VERY ANGRY right now, for no reason and want to rant/VENT. if you're sensitive or don't care, ignore this!!!
Can I please go one day without being pissed off at least once at someone or something, or just because my mind decides "Guess what...you're about to get very pissed off in 3...2...*snap*"
I don't want to be angry, because when i'm angry, I'm a total fuckface even when I try not to be.
Then there's that moment when I can't do ANYTHING to fucking get RID of the anger, and frustration without serious consequences.
So I SIT there. Pissed off as ever, wanting to fucking beat and strangle the next person that gets close enough no matter WHO they are.
All stressed out and no one to CHOKE.
Something has to give
or else i'm going to flip my shit and just explode with full force and get myself into some serious trouble.
Then I get those moments where I go WAY beyond pissed off, and just smile. Be a good quiet boy. Back away from whatever it is and just get so fucking mellow on the outside, when inside my mind very...very BAD thoughts towards other random people. Even though I'm smiling people think "Oh wow, he's in a great mood! What a cool dude."
No. When I go from red-faced crying pissed off to smiling and chill???? That's the smile to be very, VERY concerned about.
Have you ever tried to WARN people when you're about to fucking flip shit, and you WARN them that you can feel yourself cracking, and you repeatedly tell them WHY it's happening, and they just reply with: "But you won't do anything. Just calm down. Just drop it, okay? You'll be fine." ???
If so then you understand why it's so FUCKING ANGERING when you DO explode and flip your shit and they're standing around all shocked and confused asking WHY you did what you did, or said what you said.
Like, dude, I FUCKING WARNED you. You didn't take the warning. I TRIED to tell you I was snap off and YOU called bullshit, now you see i'm not joking, don't you?
I try to be good. I do. I've done well with keeping myself from beating the fuck out of people, and keeping what I say in check. but oh my FUCK it's getting harder and harder to keep it in. I REALLY don't want to explode because I KNOW i'll do something that will change my life, and others' life that I care about if and when I do, if not end someone's life and get myself locked up.
I'm stressed, frustrated, and so MAD a lot lately. No way to let it out the way I want to, because if I did, haha no good would ever come of it. And when I DO explode, people around me will be like: "WTF WHY?!! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, IDIOT"
and i'm going to reply: "What the FUCK did you expect me to do?! I couldn't release it! I was backed into a corner."
then it'll all go down hill from there. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.
I NEED to release these feelings. I NEED to release all of the pent up anger, frustration, and stress. I NEED something to give. I CAN'T keep holding it in. Because it WILL explode. I will snap. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to make the people I care for upset, hurt them, or them be angry at me, or leave me. I'm SO afraid they'll leave me if I do anything to release it, because of the WAYS I want to get rid of it. I do not want to lose them. I love them, I really do. I've given nearly EVERYTHING for them.
Changed my ways. Took the time, and controlled myself. But due to many reoccurring events...I've become terribly afraid to do anything. Will not do anything to upset them on purpose. In turn, sacrificing ALOT of things. When it just isn't enough at times??? So...it's like, what the fuck do I do now?
I don't know anymore. In turn, I know myself. I know what's coming. I'm trying to find ways to STOP it from coming. But oh fuck it's getting harder and harder each day as it builds, and builds. I don't want to cut anyone off from my life, or any shit like that. I just NEED something to give. I need them to fucking RELAX. Chill. And TRUST me to do what I gotta do to release these pent up feelings. If I don't as I've said above: I. Will. Explode. No matter how much I try not to. I just don't want to be so fucking ANGRY anymore.
I don't want the ones I care for to be upset either.
Why can't we all just FUCKING CHILL, relax, and just...be happy again??? Why can't we just feel HAPPY all together, and get what we get without throwing a fit? Why can't we all just get along, let go of all the bad shit, and just relax and be happy? Is it REALLY that hard to do?
I do not post these because I want attention, i'm posting this because I have nowhere else to really just fucking BITCH, rant, and vent, without a fight or argument on my hands, or making myself or anyone else look like the problem or the bad guy. The point o THIS vent/rant, is one last screaming plead for something to loosen up. All I want is a way to release this pent up rage, in a way I don't lose or upset anyone. That's ALL i'm begging for. To release this shit, in a physical way that doesn't upset ANYONE. I HAVE to do what I can until this shit straightens out. If I don't it will all be over before it can even truly begin.
Can I please go one day without being pissed off at least once at someone or something, or just because my mind decides "Guess what...you're about to get very pissed off in 3...2...*snap*"
I don't want to be angry, because when i'm angry, I'm a total fuckface even when I try not to be.
Then there's that moment when I can't do ANYTHING to fucking get RID of the anger, and frustration without serious consequences.
So I SIT there. Pissed off as ever, wanting to fucking beat and strangle the next person that gets close enough no matter WHO they are.
All stressed out and no one to CHOKE.
Something has to give
or else i'm going to flip my shit and just explode with full force and get myself into some serious trouble.
Then I get those moments where I go WAY beyond pissed off, and just smile. Be a good quiet boy. Back away from whatever it is and just get so fucking mellow on the outside, when inside my mind very...very BAD thoughts towards other random people. Even though I'm smiling people think "Oh wow, he's in a great mood! What a cool dude."
No. When I go from red-faced crying pissed off to smiling and chill???? That's the smile to be very, VERY concerned about.
Have you ever tried to WARN people when you're about to fucking flip shit, and you WARN them that you can feel yourself cracking, and you repeatedly tell them WHY it's happening, and they just reply with: "But you won't do anything. Just calm down. Just drop it, okay? You'll be fine." ???
If so then you understand why it's so FUCKING ANGERING when you DO explode and flip your shit and they're standing around all shocked and confused asking WHY you did what you did, or said what you said.
Like, dude, I FUCKING WARNED you. You didn't take the warning. I TRIED to tell you I was snap off and YOU called bullshit, now you see i'm not joking, don't you?
I try to be good. I do. I've done well with keeping myself from beating the fuck out of people, and keeping what I say in check. but oh my FUCK it's getting harder and harder to keep it in. I REALLY don't want to explode because I KNOW i'll do something that will change my life, and others' life that I care about if and when I do, if not end someone's life and get myself locked up.
I'm stressed, frustrated, and so MAD a lot lately. No way to let it out the way I want to, because if I did, haha no good would ever come of it. And when I DO explode, people around me will be like: "WTF WHY?!! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, IDIOT"
and i'm going to reply: "What the FUCK did you expect me to do?! I couldn't release it! I was backed into a corner."
then it'll all go down hill from there. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.
I NEED to release these feelings. I NEED to release all of the pent up anger, frustration, and stress. I NEED something to give. I CAN'T keep holding it in. Because it WILL explode. I will snap. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to make the people I care for upset, hurt them, or them be angry at me, or leave me. I'm SO afraid they'll leave me if I do anything to release it, because of the WAYS I want to get rid of it. I do not want to lose them. I love them, I really do. I've given nearly EVERYTHING for them.
Changed my ways. Took the time, and controlled myself. But due to many reoccurring events...I've become terribly afraid to do anything. Will not do anything to upset them on purpose. In turn, sacrificing ALOT of things. When it just isn't enough at times??? So...it's like, what the fuck do I do now?
I don't know anymore. In turn, I know myself. I know what's coming. I'm trying to find ways to STOP it from coming. But oh fuck it's getting harder and harder each day as it builds, and builds. I don't want to cut anyone off from my life, or any shit like that. I just NEED something to give. I need them to fucking RELAX. Chill. And TRUST me to do what I gotta do to release these pent up feelings. If I don't as I've said above: I. Will. Explode. No matter how much I try not to. I just don't want to be so fucking ANGRY anymore.
I don't want the ones I care for to be upset either.
Why can't we all just FUCKING CHILL, relax, and just...be happy again??? Why can't we just feel HAPPY all together, and get what we get without throwing a fit? Why can't we all just get along, let go of all the bad shit, and just relax and be happy? Is it REALLY that hard to do?
I do not post these because I want attention, i'm posting this because I have nowhere else to really just fucking BITCH, rant, and vent, without a fight or argument on my hands, or making myself or anyone else look like the problem or the bad guy. The point o THIS vent/rant, is one last screaming plead for something to loosen up. All I want is a way to release this pent up rage, in a way I don't lose or upset anyone. That's ALL i'm begging for. To release this shit, in a physical way that doesn't upset ANYONE. I HAVE to do what I can until this shit straightens out. If I don't it will all be over before it can even truly begin.
