Hey there Inu! I know that we don't know each other all too well, but I just wanted to let you know that I know what you're going through all too well in regards to both depression and anxiety. If you ever want someone to just chat to, don't hesitate to send me a note or poke me on Skype if you'd like or would feel comfortable doing so. I'm always more than happy to listen.

On the other hand, while I know that it is overwhelmingly difficult at times, it sounds like you've found a way to cope and handle these issues in your own way, and that's something to be proud of in and of itself, I think. It's just something that takes time.

Best of luck to you and take care of yourself first, Inu! <3

OK, you posted an honest and open journal. Take some good advice from a grey muzzle who has been around the block.

First: You drink a lot. Stop. Plain and simple. If you don't want to quit 100% just do it socially. Of course you can still go crazy at cons. But I see your posts on twitter and I worry about the frequency with which you imbibe.

Second: The anecdotal stuff, Try eating a healthier diet. Cut out as much fast food as you can. It has been proven people who eat things like yogurt and fruit have a much happier outlook. Work out as much as you can, ride a bike, go to the gym what ever. Do something to funnel your aggression into. I know your job is stressful.

Third: Look into Sub-lingual B12 and Vitamin D, along this line is being out in the sun. Another point here is trying to cut out Fluoride. Try to get non fluoride tooth paste and drink lots of Non Fluoridated water.

Fourth: Pay it forward. Be a generous person. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Buy someones lunch. Put quarters in parking meters. Hold the door open for those in back of you. Shovel the snow off the neighbors driveway. What ever. If you die tomorrow just make sure your obituary would say "He always put others ahead of himself".

Fifth: Find a hobby that enriches your life. And I'm not talking about gambling. You're already a furry expand on the positive aspects of the fandom. Travel, meet new people. Act crazy. Keep the fire of your youth alive and well.

Sixth: Find people who share your concerns, This post is a good start. It helps to talk things out and get fears off your chest.

There's a lot more, but this would be a good start. Even if you only implemented half of what I suggest here it might be enough to prove my point.
Here's looking at you kid..........

for #2 I actually do that myself, its a note that I wrote to myself to remind me of the repercussions of me committing suicide. it also reminds me of who I am and to try and not listen to outside voices (people who don't really know who I am and are only acting out of fear or misunderstanding) . But yeah, some days I cant find a reason to why im alive or want to go on living.

there are people who understand what you're going through, Inu. its all the matter of choice.

1. Don't know what to say about this. I don't want to get old either, but I think age and needing help are something everyone needs to come to terms with at some point. Though, personally, if I am bedridden, or can't remember anyone, or turn into a vegetable, I would want to die sooner than later.

2. Why don't you take drugs or do something about this? At some point a list may not be enough, so I'd rather you have help before that happens.

3. If you want to apologize, why not apologize? It would probably do a lot of good.

Not sure what else to say. If you want to chat sometime at weird hours, you know I'm here.

Heh. I can certainly empathize. I have a bucket load of little issues myself. It's why people hardly ever see me.