I've got a lot on my heart.. some if it is stupid, and some of it is super serious. We'll start with the serious..

My mom has Graves disease (Her immune system is attacking her own body basically). She's had it for a long time now.. I remember writing a speech about her being the strongest person. I know because of it. Well she was in a car accident last year... about November or december. It did some damage to her insides (and severely fucked with her stomach ulcers) when she went to the doctor and had tests done because she got really sick after that.. the doc said that she's basically stressing/worrying herself to death. Literally. Like, do you even know how that makes me feel? I've watched her suffer, made her cry, made her feel unappreciatEd in the past. Since I've been trying to make it up to her. My mother, the woman who gave life to me, the woman who is and will always be my best friend is so sick. I can't even explain without crying. one of my biggest fears is losing my mother. All I can do is hope and pray and have faith, but im still scared. So I'm asking, from a bleeding heart, even if you don't believe in shit, just.. just take a moment an actually pray for my mother. Actually mean it From your heart. You do not realize how much of an impact this will have.

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As for the stupid shit, it's my ex. I still love him dearly, and as much as I want to move on, I feel stuck. I get insanely jealous when he talks or hangs with other girls. I feel ignored, and all these other bullshit feelings. I don't want to fucking feel anymore. I'm grateful for my job, and everything will fall into place eventually but Jesus christ, does it have to hurt this bad? I bet if anyone could feel as much as I do, on a daily basis, you'll seriously question my sanity.

I knew this breakdown was coming.. it was just a matter of time.